You know what? I commit "benefit fraud "and I think I'm justified

[ScroungingSingleMum]

I'm a single mum , whose ex left three years ago and has consistently refused to pay anything (and I mean anything - not even a penny) in maintenance.

From my benefits (£59 IS, £45 CTC, £18 CB - so a total of £122 a week) I am losing £15.26 a week in repayments for the loan I had to take out to secure my child and myself a home after ex did a vanishing act and the council refused to house us. Every week I need to pay nearly £15 for gas and electricity (yes, the heating is on a low setting, but we live in a cold rural area and have no double glazing), £4.50 for TV licence, £4 for Water, £8 for phone/internet connection (yes, I know its not a necessity but I have to have some way to get contact with the rest of the world - being on my own in the countryside means I don't get out much), £4.50 every time we need to get the bus into town for shopping/doctor/library/semblance of social life etc, £15 for the taxi home if I need to do a big shop, oh and feed us a healthy diet, clothe/shoe us adequately, find the money to take my child to see ex (I know thats not my job, but if I didn't do it the relationship would be lost which would IMO be a tragedy for my child), I try to save something, however small, so that we have a fallback fund for holidays/birthdays/disasters...

I am entitled to keep £10 of any maintenance ex pays - but he doesn't pay any, so we don't get that premium.

I refuse to get into debt (other than the Budgeting Loan from the Social Fund that I have) and we do not have a car, or a big new telly (we have one that I found in a skip in fact). I economise wherever I can but its very very hard.

So... I clean the old lady three-doors-down's house for four hours a week for £6 an hour. It means I can have a bottle of wine once in a while, or a coffee before getting the bus 6 miles home after a morning luging the shopping round town, or have a friend over for a meal sometimes, or buy new (by which I mean secondhand-but-new-to-me) clothes every now and then.

And you know what? If you begrudge me that then fuck you.

twinkie get ye to the 'holidays & TVs & benefits thread'

I see your point Not, but it sounds as though the amount she is earning would be permissible if she did declare it, so it's just a formality, isn't it?

Oh yes, giving your child the best education you can is a really selfish choice. One that no parent should ever be allowed to make.

Indeed the amounts mentioned would be permissable under the current regulations. but its the Atiitude rather than the action that i find odd.

People bandy about their rights like there's no tomorrow.

I have the right to home ed my kids even though I have to take a little extra benefit money to do so.

Doesn't sound right, does it.

I don't begrudge you the extra money at all. I am not a grudging person. Claiming 'the right' for, frankly, rather ridiculous things does get my goat a bit.

Notdoing - some couples have more choice than lone parents and often they are different choices.

Agree about the home ed.

Yes OP has the choice to home ed, but that does mean she has to accept that she won't be able to afford to drink wine without defrauding the state, as the benefit system isn't there to fund lifestyle choices. If the government WAS there to fund lifestyle choices, it would pay me and DH to be SAHPs but sadly it doesn't

People like me, in my former life (as a single parent living on benefits) have a responsibility to rise above the low expectations the benefit system make of us. Often IMVHO excuses are made about why we don't return to work, or why we 'make the system work' a little better for ourselves, as it is often the easier option IYSWIM.

Raise your aspirations, be more than a benefit mummy!

How can you justify people claiming benifit having lifestyle choices? People smoke and drink and end up ill and on benifit - they have choosen a lifestyle and then get benifit - what do you do stop people that smoke and drink getting benifit?

This person is HE and it is her choice to do so, that is how the system works - at the moment.

What is really sad is how parenting in so many ways is underated in this country. Parenting is a valuable job, yet we are encouraged to put are children into " professional care" as early as possible, hours old it would seem is not to young to be looked after by someone else. We are never encouraged to parent our own children, either as sahm or he and especially not is we are lone parents on benifit.

When though children grow older and go off the rails and cause problems at school society and teachers blame those parents that never looked after them in the first place - becaues society says - get them into nursery, school at 4 and wrap around care whilst you go out to work.

OP wants to actually look after her child, live life on the bread line and actully is not going to cost the tax payer any different in real terms and a child in society that will be of value to society.

Bizarelly, some people round here don't get how important a job raising children/caring for family members is.

Family members/carers save the NHS more than 5 billion per year apparently

I have no problem with OP claiming benefits she is entitled to whilst HE.
but i do find the attitude of it being better to HE and break the law than to send you child to school and work a little confusing.

AS i have stated many times, i am on benefits. My son is disabled and my daughter is as yet not at school.
I have attempted to return to work but i would be worse off by more than £50 per week.

the benefit system is rubbish. its called the benefit trap for a reason.
But that is no excuse for people who COULD work and lift themselves out of this circle of poverty to DECIDE not to.

bb99 - maybe her aspiration is to give her child the best possible education (by her own definition). 'Benefits mummy' needn't be a term of disparagement - it's all a question of your point of view.

I do think that 'defrauding' is a bit strong in the OP's circs. She is earning sums that would be entirely permissible if she were to declare them.

And, for what it's worth, I think that the state should pay people to be SAH parents.

If raising children is such an important job (and i agree it's very important) why doesn't society pay ME to SAH and look after my children, or provide me with housing that is affordable enough to allow us to live off of one salary?

Society doesn't value SAHParenting, and there's some evidence that problems come from the children raised in SAH situations where the parent(s) are on benefits...it's too simplistic to bang the rights to home parent drum...like saying people have a right to have children, if this was the case then EVERYONE regardless of age, sexual orientation or anything would have free access to IVF or any other fertility treatments, for as long as they needed. People don't. Life isn't fair and the benefit system is there to stop people from starving and being completely on their uppers, not to fund a lifestyle choice. If society really wanted women to have a choice, or men to have a choice, then they'd fund it.

Radical idea - pay everyone the same benefit rate, regardless, then if you wanted to be more economically wealthy you could just work above and beyond the 'basic living allowance'.

That way we all get to choose whether or not to home ed, or be SAHPs.

but isn't this about people who don't have a choice about being a SAHP, bb99, because they are ALONE.

Mamazon - I want more of my taxes to go to people like you, so you wouldn't be £50 per week worse off, not to people like me IYSWIM (got pg, had a baby, could have stayed on benefits - didn't).

Expat - there are many choices.

When I was alone, somehow I managed NOT to remain on benefits. ALONE does not always equal COMPLETELY UNABLE TO WORK and this is what REALLY bugs me about the whole fecking "But, I'm a single mum" phrase.

I WAS ONE AND I, IN MY USELESSNESS MANAGED TO GET OUT OF THE POVERTY TRAP. And it's a trap - who really wants to raise their kids in this situation? You have very little money and even fewer choices when you are on benefits. You become fearful, like the OP, of even declaring what is your right (ie the cash she's earning). It outrages me that we are encouraging our young and older women to have such IMO low aspirations.

You can be an effective and even a GOOD parent and work. It's not impossible.

it's pretty damn near impossible for quite a few people, bb99. it really is.

"be more than a benefit mummy"

The snobbery and intolerance on this thread is sickening. And saddening.

Are you all ethically and morally squeaky-clean then? And you know exactly what you would do in the face of adversity? And do people really believe that living on benefits is a cushy option?

Concentrate on your own journey through life and quit sniping at other people's choices. You sound jealous and petty - it's very unattractive.

But how. That's what I really fail to understand. I can understand that in some areas there just isn't the work, but I have done everything, from Maccy Dees, to toilet cleaning, to bar work, to anything (legal) that would earn money. Asdas even let you take the school holidays off, or there are lots of different types of jobs that are flexible.

What's stopping people when you take into account the expensive tax credits that are available? Is it because it's actually cheaper for the government to keep people in the poverty cycle as tax credits can be more expensive?

Amen, Greeny.

Good for you bb, but some people feel very strongly that they want to look after their own children, and not put them into institutional care while the parent/s go out to work. This isn't necessarily about poverty of aspiration; it can be a positive decision to stay at home with your children, and to accept reduced material circumstances as a consequence.

I can say

"be more than a benefit mummy"

as I was one and feel I have every right to an opinion on this matter - you ever been on benefits? .

I want women to feel they are able to rise above being a single parent on benefits, it's not much fun on benefits as the OP pointed out. You're not generally rolling in it and life's tough. The only way to solve this is to work, or defraud the system. Please don't defraud the system.

who looked after your kids whilst you were doing all those shifts, bb99?

and why do you feel the need to assume everyone can and should live life like you?

tax credits are a JOKE. we got so royally FUCKED over by the system we live in poverty rather than take those. they make you think everything's hunky dory for years and years and then come back and slap you with a huge payment demand, saying 'we overpaid you'.

even if it's their mistake and they admit it, the damage is done.

you get to live with the threat of that over your head the entire time you're on them.

rather than the government just not taking working poor people so much.

but that's a whole other story and many other threads.

What about having an attitude that if you can work, then you should do your very best to find a job? How about that attitude being a priority over 'lifestyle choices'?

really bb9, and are you now "more" than you were then? Because I think you're a bit of a snob and not very mature. Just on the strength of your posts on this thread, that is?

I think people are just discussing the op's statement, as invited, not being particularly sniping, jealous or petty at all.

and how about employers and governments having the attitude that a living wage is good enough for their employees and citizens, that pro-rata and seasonal/temp work makes it harder for people trying to support a family to get off benefits, that not giving employees a set rota makes it impossible for a lot of them to take up the job . . . ?

i can keep going if you want.