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Original poster

Would it be ok to send flowers to my friend who has just had a miscarriage, or are flowers a crappy idea?

27 replies

yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 09:30

Message withdrawn

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Rubyrubyruby · 09/04/2008 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailpolish · 09/04/2008 09:33

i sent flowers to my friend who had just had news of her 3rd unsuccesful ivf

(i know its notthe same as a miscarriage) but she siad it really really helped her smile for a bit

i chose the brightest ones i could find

BetteNoir · 09/04/2008 09:34

Flowers would be lovely.
Or just a card to tell them that you are thinking of them.

Tommy · 09/04/2008 09:36

flowers better IME

I found that cards people sent, although well meaning, didn't do anthing to make me feel better whereas at least flowers do make you smile when you get them and brighten up your room

PortAndLemon · 09/04/2008 09:36

An (easy care) plant might be better. Cut flowers are one more thng that dies and something living is nice.

Tutter · 09/04/2008 09:37

i would have very much appreciated it when i lost my pregnancies

a ,lovely thought

winebeforepearls · 09/04/2008 09:39

Yes, I would have loved that. She'll know you're thinking of her, and finding the right words for a card can be difficult.

jellybeans · 09/04/2008 09:40

I got flowers after my losses and really appreciated them.

Original poster
yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 09:41

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PABLOP · 09/04/2008 09:42

Flowers or a plant are a lovely idea, I got flowers after one of my mc and they did cheer me up. It is always good to know people care.

scottishmummy · 09/04/2008 09:42

how thoughtful of you!what is appreciated is being thought off, an acknowledgement of hoe harrowing it is to lose a child

flowers nice
or boots.com for pampering treats
CD

nailpolish · 09/04/2008 09:44

i fyou cant think what to write dont put anything. just put

"With lots of love from xxxx"

MerlinsBeard · 09/04/2008 09:46

please send them. I received some flowers a short while after my m/c and it really helped to know that people were thinking of me. I also got some on my due date which i also apprieciated as that will be date i never forget.

cmotdibbler · 09/04/2008 09:52

I really do second the idea of remembering her due date, and sending a card or something else then. Although for the first miscarriage we had flowers, no one bothered for the ones after that, and certainly no one ever mentioned the due dates, which was really upsetting

Original poster
yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 13:39

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needahand · 09/04/2008 13:41

I think I would send flowers or chocolate. Probably chocolate actually as it gives you a bit of physical comfort (that is if she feels like eating poor soul)

toratora · 09/04/2008 13:41

Flowers are a lovely idea, I received some after my m/c and they did help.

LilRedWG · 09/04/2008 13:43

Flowers are a lovely idea. A friend sent us flowers after a MC and it really helped DH and I smile.

Original poster
yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 13:43

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winebeforepearls · 09/04/2008 13:47

perfect.

Not sure about sending flowers for her due date though. Depends on circumstances I suppose. Would it rub salt in if she's over this mc but still ttc?

Maybe pondering too much and can't honestly remember how I felt on my due dates ...

cmotdibbler · 09/04/2008 13:58

Depending on her, flowers on the EDD might be too much (or just right), but a card saying something like "Thinking of you" would be lovely. The EDDs when I was still TTC were worse than now I have DS, as each one that came round was like another kick that we were still failing. And it seemed like everyone else just wanted to ignore it.

The tulips sound lovely.

Original poster
yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 14:01

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hotsue · 09/04/2008 14:07

Flowers would be good.. but don't do what my mum did when I had a miscarriage .. she wrote on card 'Get well soon!'.. jusy added to my devastation that she could not say the right thing!

Original poster
yorkshirepudding · 09/04/2008 14:09

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squilly · 10/04/2008 13:43

I had flowers for a few of mine and loved them (and I'm not usually a big flower person). It showed people were thinking of me.

Chocolate might have gone down well, but I don't think I was eating much around that time, so not guaranteed to be so good.

Sending on the due date is NOT so good an idea, imo. I would have HATED that! Mainly cos I did my best to try and forget all 4 missed due dates.

Sometimes hits me May Day that I lost one a few years back then, but now I have DD, no so bad.

Tell your friend to post on MN if she wants help/support. The mc thread is so helpful when you're struggling/fed up with putting a brave face on.