Will I get jailed? Loosing my daughter

[Ladieunlucky]

I’m expecting a lot of nasty comments but ju I have endured hell these last 6 months. I’m aware if I put this out there I’ll get a mix of opinions.

The back story is I’m a 33 year old mum of one, a daughter who is 15 who lives between myself and my ex husband. Until December last year I worked for a company and had been in this career since I was 16. I was diagnosed with bi polar in January and unfortunately prior to this, during a manic episode I took a large amount of money upto 15k + from the company. I have no idea why I did this now and I spent the money on holidays for my daughter, and debts I’d ran up on past manic episodes. I realised what I had done was wrong and and I took myself to the police station to admit this. The company were unaware at this point. I also informed my now boyfriend of 2 years who has stuck by me. I was then arrested in April and questioned further, to which I admitted again what I had done and would take full responsibility. I of course lost my job over this, and I live in small town where word has got about and it has ruined my reputation, and I’ve lost all my friends. I know this is my own fault. I cannot leave the house without fear and I sit most day alone. I’ll never get another job again.

I have reached a place of no return. I visited the doctor in January and explained how I’d been feeling for years and they wouldn’t give me anti depressants but wanted to further investigate and reached the diagnose of bi polar. I have started medication (mood stabilisers) and unfortunately have made me quite unwell with a upset stomach. This meant that my contraception pill failed and and I am currently around 7 weeks pregnant. I am due to go back to the police station on Wednesday to be charged with fraud under false representation, I am looking at going to the crown court to be sentenced. I have accepted that this may happen and I cannot continue with the pregnancy due to being so mentally unwell and facing sentencing. I have no option but to have a termination. I cannot care for this child and I expect some nasty comments on this. It breaks my heart.

I have previously never committed a crime, worked hard for my career, been the best mum I can, and now face a life long mental illness. I understand that I can be sentenced and I deserve this but I’m not sure I’ll be able to cope in prison. I’ve tried to take my life twice this year. I don’t want to leave me daughter and some may say I should of thought about this but during a manic episode you do not know what you doing until after. To which I then admitted my
wrongs doings. My life is ruined due to my own doing. I am wondering what I could be looking at come sentencing and probably to hear what already terrible person I am and rubbish mum. It she most I deserve

Ok, deep breath. You've got a lot to deal with right now. In your circumstances I would also consider a termination of the pregnancy, but that is your decision to make. What has your legal counsel said is the likely outcome from sentencing?

@DelilahBucket thank you for your reply. Most probably be custodial sentence but they hope to try and get it suspended but may be unlikely x

Okay first of all stop blaming yourself, you have been mentally unwell.

First step is have you booked a termination? Do you actually want this baby? Whilst I admit termination is probably the best option, it's 100% up to you if you want to continue the pregnancy however you're unlikely to be able to continue any medication during pregnancy, so consider if that would set you back from your recovery.

Do you have a lawyer? If not, get one. You may not be given a custodial sentence due to lack of capacity during your crime even if you knew what you were doing

Firstly, no you're not going to prison. This is a first offence, relatively minor, you've admitted guilt at the earliest opportunity and so your sentence will be reduced by a third, plus you've other mitigating factors such as being carer for a young child. Plus there's the fact that prisons are so overcrowded at the moment that only the most serious offenders are being imprisoned.

Once you're charged you'll get a date to go to the Magistrates' Court where you'll enter a plea. Then a decision will be made as to whether you'll be sentenced there or at the Crown Court. The Court is then likely to delay sentence to another date to allow for a Pre-Sentence Report to be drafted by probation, which will recommend a sentence. I'd guess some form of community service based on the seriousness of the offence and what you've said above. At the very worst a suspended sentence. I would be very, very surprised if you went to prison based on what you've said.

Your solicitor should be telling you all of this; have you got one?

@ILikePistachios thank you! I don’t feel I could give this baby the best outcome, it would not be fair and if I am sentenced how would I cope pregnant in jail? I do have a lawyer and may have a month to court so it will be quite a stressful time too. X

You fucked up due to a manic episode, not because you're a horrible person.

It's a good thing you now have a diagnosis. Bipolar responds well to medication, there's no need for you to fear it ruining your life further.

I don't know what your sentence will be but whatever it is, it's not the end of the world. You'll get through it.

Personally I would recommend having a termination, seek therapy and work with your doctors to give yourself the best treatment possible. My sister has Bipolar, she lives a normal life, loves her job and is happy, it's possible for you. Don't give up or think of yourself as a criminal. I wish the best for you

You didn't want to have a baby did you? If you could go back in time to the night that you got pregnant what would you tell yourself?

Surely a diagnosis of bipolar disorder should help your lawyer argue diminished responsibility or lack of capacity? You need to focus on managing your condition, experimenting with different drug and therapeutic regimes etc under the supervision of a psychiatrist. A friend of mine was only diagnosed in her late 30s and now has her condition well managed to the point where her GP and psychiatrist trust her to recognise when she needs to adjust her own dosages etc -- we knew one another when we both had pre-schoolers, and it never occurred to me not to leave my son at her house. She ran her own *successful) business and that helped too.

Probably exactly the same thing as she did before as her pill failed? Did you miss that bit?

My point is that she'd presumably tell herself "you threw up this morning and your pill didn't work. Use a condom"

I'm not blaming her for a mistake that anyone could make, (though I can see why you read it that way) I'm suggesting that if she knew then what she knows now, she'd have acted differently.

I wish you all the best in the world. Take each day as it comes and everything will come right. We've all made mistakes and you've got an answer now and hopefully medical support to stop this happening again.

I really don't think you'll go to prison op, you handed yourself in you weren't caught, it's a first offence, you are remorseful and you had an undiagnosed mental illness. I honestly don't think it's likely you'll be going to prison, if anything maybe suspended.

That sounds really tough for you. I agree with others about a termination. I don't think you're in a position now to have another child and you need to focus on your daughter. Make sure you take any medication given to you for bi polar as it can be very effective, but only if you take it at the right times.

Personally, given you admitted to the crime before getting caught and because you haven't committed any offences before and because of your diagnosis, I'd be surprised if you had a custodial sentence, but if I were you I'd make really good plans for someone to care for your daughter just in case you get a short sentence. Do you have family you can trust with her?

@MILTOBE thank you! Yes I have my ex husband who is great and my partner, I’ve also been honest with my daughter and had support to try and ensure she is affected as little as possible.

Op I'd be very surprised if you got a custodial sentence. I know someone whole stole several hundred thousand from a vulnerable friend and was given 3 years. You took just 15K from a company who hadn't even noticed it was gone while having a medical episode. Community sentence of some sort I expect.
Don't feel guilty about the termination, embryo is the size of a lentil, you are making a wise choice to not complicate your life further and risk worsening your own health. Get that sorted as a matter of priority, you can self refer and speak to someone and this can be done and dusted within a week or so. If you call now, it's just taking some pills and having a few cramps for a day, no need for surgery.
Forget the gossips and judgmental people in your community, their opinions mean nothing. Once the court case is over look at moving and making a fresh start, the change would probably do you the world of good. Shit happens op, you have a daughter and a boyfriend and they want to see you happy so be happy for them.

I don’t have anything to add except that I wish you all the best! 💐

Be kind to yourself. You have an illness which can be treated. Your future can be bright.

One thing which I think is hugely helpful for teens to learn as they reach adulthood is resilience.

Your daughter is learning from you how we deal with difficult situations. She’s seen you be honest about wrongdoing, bravely face the consequences of your actions and seeking help when you needed it.

Whether you get a custodial sentence or a community punishment the best lesson that you can show your daughter is accepting the punishment, coping as best you can with the situation, taking your meds and planning your life afterwards.

Keep going, I know this isn’t ideal, but she’s learning valuable life lessons from you.

I think you have been really brave @Ladieunlucky

Yes, you have done wrong. But you went and owned it and admitted it - knowing the consequences. That counts for a lot.

I actually feel so sorry for you.

You had a manic episode, you took yourself to the police even when no one was aware and you took accountability once you came out of the manic fog.

I think it took bravery to do what you did to admit it.

I reckon with no previous criminal convictions and the fact you went when there was nobody discovering at that time, will surely look more favourable?

My sister has bipolar and whilst she never stole, she smoked weed all the time, convinced it made her better but it didn't.

I'm sure someone would judge her on that but she wasn't well.

She now has a dog, a car and works a job that she enjoys and 100% smoke free. There is hope!

I wish you the best.

You confessed straight away
You are remorseful
....And you were suffering an acute MH episode at the time so were not in control of what you were doing

I hope they do not give you a custodial sentence.

Termination is probably the least bad option.

Sending a big hug

Hope everything goes ok. Only you can decide about the termination. I guess you need to think about what would happen if you terminated and didn’t get a custodial sentence. Would you then regret it

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you will get a suspended sentence in these circumstances. Do you have a counsellor who you could work with? There is so much going on and I wish you well.

This time shall pass. X