Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

ear piercing MIL dont want to post on the other thread

38 replies

HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 11:32

I have to be brief. I have started this to get a bit of privacy should my h continue dipping into the other thread.

dh did not give actual consent he knew I would hit the roof- I now know this from reading an e mail from the MIL this AM(I did not believe him so he showed me the contents). He also had a go at her (at the time)and told her that I would be apoplectic and her words were -that was for him to control me- the email only apologises for making him upset (beggars belief).

Without his knowledge I have forwarded the e mail to my account (I am very cautious at the moment)
The earrings are out, the doctor was ok about it but the nurse was amazing and suggested I tell the HV too(she was horrified). I think she did believe me (I was very upset) I am going back to the doctors on Friday at my request. DD has been fine, I don't think she has really noticed.

I am worried about going to the poilce but I have told me h that I am going and I told him that I have photos and the earrings.

Do I have to see the police to gain a restraining order? I want to be absolutely sure that my MIL cannot wriggle out of this. I am sure I would feel the same after my anger subsides.

H has crapped himself. I know he was worried about it and did not consent- she said that she was taking dd to see her perfume bottles (which she often does) He thinks we should not see them again (he had agreed to this- although he will continue a relationshio- I could not give a damn) He is shocked at the level of response here. I think it has made him see the light. That is how it appears.

I stayed with my sister last night as I was upset and rather immaturely I wanted to scare the hell out of h, it worked. So he had to sort out the other dcs and has not gone into work today.

I want to shock MIL and send her a very direct message that as my dc's mother should be respected, this was a step too far.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 25/03/2008 11:38

I'm glad that you are okay. I only saw your thread this morning and was horrified. I am glad that your DH is respecting your wishes but can't help but wonder how he didn't hear your DD crying - it must have bloody hurt!

Definitely do go to the police. This woman has assaulted your baby and should not be allowed to get away with it!

singingmum · 25/03/2008 11:38

Read other thread but not posted .Am v.glad that your dh did not consent and that your baby is ok but am sad that you and your poor baby have had to go through all this.
Try calling local citizens advice as they can tell you how to take out a restraining order.Also would def stay away from MIL as she does not deserve the priviledge of having your babies near her anymore at all.

LilRedWG · 25/03/2008 11:41

I don't know that many people have seen this thread. Do you want me to tell them that you've reported that DD is okay?

mistlethrush · 25/03/2008 11:42

So pleased to hear that dd is OK, and also that dh did not give consent - although, surely he must have thought something was up. I hope that her ears heal well.

Very pleased to hear that dh has suggested no contact - as it has come from him it will be easier for you to insist on it. But do get a restraining order - CAB is a very good idea, they would know how to go about this.

Original poster
HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 11:42

Yes pls.

I'd rather not post any updates on what I am thinking about.

I am afraid I am not very trusting right now.
Thank you for that.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 25/03/2008 11:45

Done. Hopefully people will search on your name now and find this thread.

I do hope that you and your DD are okay.

smallwhitecat · 25/03/2008 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dalrymps · 25/03/2008 11:47

I think you have to go through a solicitor to get a restraning order? citizens advice will know anyway. Glad the earings are out, what a nutter!

sophiewd · 25/03/2008 11:48

I found this if any help - Under Section 5 Protection from Harassment Act 1997 both the Magistrates' and the Crown Courts can make a restraining order on conviction of an offence under the act, in order to protect the victim, or any other person mentioned in the order from further conduct which amounts either to harassment or causing fear of violence.

If I am reading this rightly she will need to be cob=nvicted of assault for you to get a restraining order. I would think that you need to get advice of a solicitor ASAP, and keep any evidence that you have, photos, etc. It was good that you went to hospital as they will act as independent witnesses on your behalf.

PotPourri · 25/03/2008 11:49

Poor you hoover. Sounds like DH has finally seen teh light and grown a backbone. Citizens advice should be able to help on the legal stuff. If DH has agreed with you that DCs will not see MIL again, then it looks like you are on the road to repairing the issues in your own marriage.

If he continues to see his mum, that is up to him. But you need to be 100% sure that he will not take DCs there. You need to make that clear to him - and staying away overnight seems to have worked this time - he should now have an appreciation of how serious you are.

I know others said on other post that you should not invovle police as it will create a family rift - but personally I think it has been taken out of your hands by your MIL - and especially by her comments afterwards that DH should be 'controlling' you. She has no respect for you or your family (You, DH & DCs), therefore she should not be granted any access to your family - it would be allowing your children to see your family undermined if you were to relent on that.

So glad DD is doing well - kids are little troupers aren't they?

peanutbear · 25/03/2008 11:51

I am glad that your daughter is ok and that they are out good on you for staying at your sisters hope it did scare him!

KatieScarlett2833 · 25/03/2008 11:52

Good for you Hoover, your DD is lucky to have such a wonderful mother.

FloriaTosca · 25/03/2008 11:55

Just posted on the other thread but saw this and wanted to say how glad I am that lo is ok and that your dh has been shaken ...dont blame you for not trusting at all..I hope you do as cotedazure suggested on the other thread...throw the book at the old bag.

ShinyDysonHereICome · 25/03/2008 12:07

Hoover can I suggest you consider changing your name for anonymity- we can help you choose something if you like?

Glad that she is okay- my first points of call would be to call the Police and Social Services for advice as to how to proceed.

girlfrommars · 25/03/2008 12:26

I'm really glad your DD is ok. It's a horrible situation for you to be in. May I suggest changing the password on your email account.

Original poster
HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 13:04

The advice here has been amazing. I have a free 20 mins with my local firm of solicitors booked in for tomorrow so I should find out a bit more then. Dh appears full of remorse. We shall see where the land really lies this time next week.

OP posts:
Blu · 25/03/2008 13:20

Hoover - I found this thread because of references to your dd being ok on the other thread...so i searched to find where that info had come from. Anyone else would do the same...I would get this thread deleted if you want / need to reserve privacy over this.

Anyway it sounds very hopeful, well done for all you have done.

LilRedWG · 25/03/2008 13:30

Hoover - sorry if I've made the situation worse for you by letting people know DD is okay.

Original poster
HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 13:47

No I don't think so Lil. Please don't worry. I have taken onboard much of what has been said (by many different and wise posters)

I will keep my cards close to my chest but may continue to ask for views. When you have been involved with a family (MIL)like this for such a long time it is very easy to lose your perspective, especially as other family members don't challenge very odd views/behaviours.

This was the first place I thought of coming after the initial shock as I knew my sister would be on my side and agree with me.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 25/03/2008 13:50

Good luck. x

mehdismummy · 25/03/2008 13:51

my mil is from the culture that believe that girls should have earrings in because of the gold theory. I have spoken to her today and she is outraged that this woman ha done this. My mil also realises that just because its her beliefs it may not be mine. When dh wanted ds circumsised in his country i was totally against it. It was her that told dh to listen to me. So dont listen to the its my religion/culture thing.

Original poster
HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 14:00

Thank you MM that means alot to me.

OP posts:
mehdismummy · 25/03/2008 14:10

none of my ds cousins have had their ears pierced either. If your mil and family are from the same religion/culture i understand your frustrations because our beliefs are so different that sometimes you just think what the f? I expect to get lynched now but dh is probably feeling awful because he let it happen but the thing is alot of children will not argue with parents or disrespect them.(my h has never in his life argued back with his parents, strange how he thinks it ok to hit me) your mil sounds really old school btw and not a representative of modern day. It would not surprise me to hear she had her dc have the same and their dcs. Probably circumsised on kitchen table. My mil says to rub olive oil on the ears but she says olive oil for everything

Original poster
HooversBrokenAgain · 25/03/2008 14:16

I know where you are coming from MM and yes your assumptions are quite right (with regard to culture etc)I was reluctant to say too much through fear of the other thread becoming a debate about racism.

OP posts:
3NAB · 25/03/2008 14:24

This just wants to make me cry.

Families can be so shit at times.

I would give anything to have a mum but when someone does something like this to a defenseless child, I wonder if I am better off. At least your lovely baby has a mother who will fight for what is right for her even if her father can't stand up for her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread