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Original poster

Not sure where this should go, but help me to not be so nervous please

46 replies

CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 18:53

Right, friends hen weekend is a week today, well this time next week I will actually be in Spain, but at the moment I am dreading it.

Had I not paid for the flight etc i'd drop out, but thats exactly why i paid for it as soon as I said i'd go, so that I couldn't drop out.

What is wrong with me, I am 29 yrs old and i'm dreading a weekend away from the kids, drinking, sunbathing and having a laugh. My stomach is in constant knots and my heart won't stop trying to pound out of my chest.

I do want to go and I am sure I will be fine whilst there, but I need to find a way to calm me down, otherwise I am gonna be a right state when it gets to next week.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 21/03/2008 18:54

Don't think about it unless you have to until the last minute.

Are you nervous because it's been a long time since you've done anything like this?

MaryAnnSmotheredinchocolate · 21/03/2008 18:56

is it the leaving home or the flight or what ? I'd probably feel the same and love it once I was there ( though the thought of a hen weekend doesn't thrill me) - I'm awful at going away is what I mean... try some Rescue Remedy to calm you

peasoup · 21/03/2008 18:57

What are you scared of? Expressing it will help. We'll calm you down.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 18:58

Have never done anything like this full stop, never even been abroad (well ok, France with school when i was 11).

The thing is, I feel I am getting worse wrt my nerves. I avoid social situations like the plague unless it is people I know and am very comfortable with, and I I have even started to get nervous before the school run in the afternoon if I know I have to walk on my own. Same with shopping/going on bus etc.

So, I am making myself do this because I will hate myself if I don't.

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 18:59

Not scared of the flight at all tbh. It is the social situation I am scared of. People I don't know, unfamiliar surroundings (ie pubs clubs).

I don't go out socially ever.

Got to dunk the kids in the bath, but will back shortly.

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foxinsocks · 21/03/2008 19:02

oh that can be hard oh nutty one

I think when you feel your world closing in on you like that, the best way (though not the easiest) is to force yourself out there more. So try and go for coffee with people and get yourself used to being around other people for a longer time each day.

I know it's not easy but you have to make yourself do it because it's a habit as much as anything else too - and you've just lost the knack for it.

Also, the more you let the general anxiety build up, the worse it gets so when you get a bit of time to yourself, make sure you're putting your feet up (say when the kids are in bed) and not sitting there worrying about stuff.

WanderingTrolley · 21/03/2008 19:03

What scares you, exactly? Saying the wrong thing, being left in unfamiliar place, sunburn....?

I think you're overthinking it. Can you share your worries with your friends who're going? How many of you will there be?

ScienceTeacher · 21/03/2008 19:07

What are you worried about, CoN?

LIZS · 21/03/2008 19:15

Plan ahead - pack, get passport ready, currency, get kids organised etc so you wonlt have the stress of rushing. You so wanted to do this. Can you find a way of relaxing now you could use if needs be, deep breathing exercises or dr Bach perhaps, take photos of the kids with you. If worst comes to worst in 10 days it will be all over and you'll be home.

Have a great time and enjoy it btw

Beenleigh · 21/03/2008 19:20

Oh you poor thing! It will be fine, you can drink too much to dull the social nerves and it won't matter because you won't have to look after the kids in the morning you never know might have a great time. Well done on booking the flight though.
Had you thought about seeing your GP when you get back, you could get yourself on a huge long waiting list to see a CBT, and chicken out when the time comes if you've gone off the idea, but it really may help. Good luck, and have a fab time.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:26

I am going to see my gp I think yeah, because it is getting silly now. I think I will end up on AD's as that was what we agreed we'd try next if I didn't feel better.

It is so silly though. I mean, I have never flown before, but i am really not bothered about that at all, however, I am worried about sitting next to soneone I don't know on the plane, and even more worried that they may speak to me.

I have been out of situations like this for far too long, and my confidence in social situations is nil. I even got nervous last week that 2 blokes were coming to fit my new carpet. I didn't want to have to speak to them, which is just silly.

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:27

Feel like a nutter now LOL.

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ratbunny · 21/03/2008 19:34

I used to be painfully shy, and i still dread social situations like you are describing, so I really feel for you.
what helped me most, was my down-to-earth friend explaining that a lot of people feel like that and that people don't judge you like you think they do. And those that do, well, you are too good for them anyway - you don't want to be freinds with people like that.
I also think to myself - well if I balls it all up, I don't have to see them again.
and really, a lot of people don't really listen to what you have to say anyway!
you sound like a lovely person, I hope you can get past it and have a good time away. they probably all think you are a really together mum, who is really capable and long to be like you!

< as I was meant to be in spain RIGHT NOW!!>

WanderingTrolley · 21/03/2008 19:36

You are not a nutter.

If you are prescribed ADs will you be able to drink?

I think you need to plan some coping strategies - such as if someone you don't know sits next to you on the plane, make sure you say hello, or have an ipod and a magazine handy - after all you don't have to chat with them.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:38

Oh no ratbunny, how come you aren't then ?

I really am not sure what it is exactly that I am nervous of, but I do know that I do give too much of a toss what others think of/about me.

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foxinsocks · 21/03/2008 19:40

you've just lost the knack for it...sometimes when you get into this state, you have to relearn how to deal with social situations.

If you speak to your GP, some places run 'confidence' courses - I think the jobcentre do them as part of the go back to work programme. Sounds like it's the sort of thing that might benefit you.

But you might have to regard it like learning a new skill. You need to put practise in to progress iyswim.

You want to do it and that's really important. Just keep reminding yourself that - this is something you want to do. Look at yourself in the mirror and TELL yourself you can do it. Because you can, you know.

In these situations, the anticipation is often FAR worse than the reality.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:41

Can't see my gp until after the hen weekend, as she is on holiday. Thats ok though, I will make myself get through it if it kills me.

At the moment the only part of it I am looking forward to is the flight home.

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Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:42

Yes, I agree that the anticipation is definatly worse, and I do think that once we are there and settled in etc, I will enjoy it, and once I have had a drink I won't care what anyone thinks about me either LOL.

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foxinsocks · 21/03/2008 19:44

the other key skill is pretending. Just pretend you are a confident person. Pretend you are gregarious and just let yourself go and you'll soon find you've forgotten you were pretending.

Start looking in the mirror and telling yourself how confident and wonderful you are. You are!

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:46

I will try.

Have to do something, I feel like I am missing out on so much, being so shy.

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posieflump · 21/03/2008 19:47

you could try taking some rescue rememdy and see if that helps too

ratbunny · 21/03/2008 19:47

oh yes, fox - pretending works really well! pretend you don't care what others think, and you soon find that you don't!
and honestly people arent sitting there thinking all kinds of things about you. most people love meeting new people and making new friends, so they will love chatting to you.
do you have time to go out with friends before you go, to get some practise in?

themildmanneredbunny · 21/03/2008 19:48

you need to do some voluntary work or get a job nutty. you need to be coming into contact with nbew people regularly.
i think it would really help.

Original poster
CrackerOfNuts · 21/03/2008 19:50

I am trying, honestly.

Had a great chat with lone parent advisor the other week and i'm going back again in a couple of weeks. Have applied for a few more jobs, but not heard a thing from any yet.

If, I haven't got anything before end of April, my name is being put forward for the Marks and Spencers lone training programme, which is a 3 week work experience course.

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themildmanneredbunny · 21/03/2008 19:52

i think it will really help.

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