Not sure where this should go, but help me to not be so nervous please

[CrackerOfNuts]

Right, friends hen weekend is a week today, well this time next week I will actually be in Spain, but at the moment I am dreading it.

Had I not paid for the flight etc i'd drop out, but thats exactly why i paid for it as soon as I said i'd go, so that I couldn't drop out.

What is wrong with me, I am 29 yrs old and i'm dreading a weekend away from the kids, drinking, sunbathing and having a laugh. My stomach is in constant knots and my heart won't stop trying to pound out of my chest.

I do want to go and I am sure I will be fine whilst there, but I need to find a way to calm me down, otherwise I am gonna be a right state when it gets to next week.

I do too.

I applied for a job last week that I swore i'd never do again, but I haven't applied for it because I particularly want the job, I just want the socialising that goes along with working.

Telephone helplines and websites for social phobics or folks who panic are:

www.nopanic.org.uk
Helpline number: 08088080545 open 10am til 10pm run by trained volunteers who used to panic!

www.phobics-society.org.uk
Helpline: 08444775774 M-F 9:15am-9pm

www.first-steps.org.uk
Helpline 0845 1202916 M-Th 10am-10pm, Fri, Sat, Sun 10am-12 midnight
You could call every evening until you go and let them coach you to feeling more confident! The first one is a good one.

Half the battle is at least acknowledging that it is a problem and is holding you back.

If you can focus on the things within your control it might make the rest feel less daunting. Is there anyone else going who may also not know many that well who you can befriend. Are you sharing a room? Presumably the seats arenlt preallocated so you can choose where to sit. Take a book or an mp3/stereo so you can still be in company but have some space from pressure of socialising if needs be.

CrackerOfNuts, I know how this feels because I suffer from it too. You've had most of the advice I would give already, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone in it. It's actually quite common so the next time you're in a public place look around you. Some of those people at the party or on the train platform will be thinking "oh god I hope no one strikes up a conversation"

The thing is you won't know which people they are and they can't tell that you are feeling it either. There isn't a big flashing light over your head even if it feels like it sometimes.

And it's true that it's mostly the anticipation. Once you begin doing things you will feel better.

You do need to mix with people every day to stop it building up.

Oh and someone said 'pretend to be confident' which does work. If you find you normally hang your head and look at the floor then make a point of lifting it up and looking at something across the room.

Nutty- You need anxiety management. I have just done a six week course with a woman on placement ( an hour once a week). If you want me to do the course with you then let me know. Its very beneficial.

Emma, how do i find out about that ?

Feeling alot worse today, but not sure it is just about this anymore.

The lady I did it with with was referred to the Community Mental Health Team, she was avoiding situations etc, she did anxiety management and then was discharged from mental health services.

Your GP is not very helpful I recall, when was the last time you discussed this with your GP?

You dont sound 'right' Emma- do you understand what I mean?

Oh i most definatly am not right emma.

My gp was really good lst time I spoke to her about this, which was when I had all that trouble with xp and friend in the summer. In the end we agreed i'd go back if i felt the slightest bit down, and obvipusly I haven't.

She is away for 2 weeks now though.

I am worried it is something else though at the mo. My mum thinks I have thyroid problems, as it runs in my family and i can tick almost every symptom on the list. This would also cause anxiety and depresion.

Tbh though i think even if it was that and i got treatment, I know that I still have huge anxiety problems anyway.

Best thing then is for a blood test to see if it is your thyroid ( My aunt has massive thyroid problems - also only recently diagnosed)

If it isnt, then I would suggest going back to your GP, Im not a clinician ( by any stretch of the imagination)- but you do sound depressed, and if your anxieties are making you feel like avoiding social situations, the IME, this will only get worse.

We have seen people recently referred to the mental health team for issues just like yours, the team have managed to 'plug' them into services that help manage their issues, then they are discharged from MH services.

Are you on AD's currently?

Nope not on ad's.

Have just been diagnosed with IBS which is making my anxiety 100 time worse.

I will definatly go and see my gp once she gets back. I can see someone else, but they won't have a clue about everything thats gone on before.

I would see your own GP when she returns. make sure you are completely honest about your issues.

I think that Ad's are dished out willy nilly without addressing the actual issues, and some AD's exacerbate feeling of anxiety- so you really need to emphasise your anxiety problems.

Let me know how it goes x

Will do, and thanks

another suggestion for when you get back:

Ask for a befriender via something like SureStart. The job centre organised this for me, but HV should also be able to refer I am sure.

Definitely think about Bach Flower Remedy to get you though the Hen weekend. I also was given Beta Blockers by GP to get me through driving test.

Can you speak to someone else who is going that you know very well? Ask her to keep an eye out for you discreetly? Say that you are apprehensive and just need a little support. Someone you know well can make sure that you are introduced to people you don't know and are not left alone in company of relative strangers for too long.

It's hard to admit this to people in RL but you should find that friends are only too willing to be supportive if they know how apprehensive you are. That's what friends do isn't it?

I wouldn't recommend getting too drunk either. Try to keep to a gentle merriness, iykwim?

I hope that you have a lovely time! When you get back it will be fab to see the kids again, that bit is great!

I don't qualify for help for Sure Start Klaw, my kids are too old I think, and I live in an area which they won't cover.

Have spoken to my friend now and explained how nervous I feel and she has said that she will do her very best to make sure I feel ok, which is nice of her.

Cool! I'm sure your friend will look out for you.

Pity about SureStart, but maybe there are other avenues. If you don't ask, you don't get so ask GP/HV/Job centre....

You are no less worthy of support than the next person, OK?

((((CoN))))

Have a lovely break in Spain, you deserve it!

Thanks

I have to go the job centre again soon, so can ask then

My theory Nutty ( if you would like to hear!!)

is that you are anxious about the weekend because it is something that is completely new to you, being alone without the kids, being in company of peers, etc etc.

I feel that after the initial nervous feeling when you meet everyone going, have a wine on the plane etc- you will start to chill and relax.

I think that you will have a great time, I think that you will miss the kids, but not to the point of devastation.

I think that this will do you the world of good- God knows you deserve it.

I would also recommeend this thing called 'rescue remedy'- God knows what is in it (herbal), but it completely calmed me down during exams. Its good for flights and scary experiences- perfect for this trip.

When you get back- you will look at this thread and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Have fun.

I can have wine on the plane ? I'll be fine then LOL.

Will definatly have a look for rescue rememdy when I go do my last minute holiday shop next week.

I wouldn't cancel now, even if I could, as I heard through 3rd party that xp is well pissed off that I am going, so i definatly am going.

this is it

www.rescueremedy.com/

it works for me

You can get it in my smallish Tesco so imagine that most supermarkets will carry it.

Also Health Food shops

(got a bottle in my Doula bag, just in case )

That's cool about the exp being pissed off! Try that nopanic helpline maybe as they also offer a mentoring service where you can phone up your mentor once a week and they'll talk you through all your anxieties for an hour- free therapy!!