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Original poster

Is my boyfrien cheatin on me??

37 replies

YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 13:23

I got with my boyfriend when i was 15 (now 19) an was very happy until about a year ago when we started arguing a lot so we decided to have a break Because it wasnt very good for our daughter to see us arguing. During that break he got with someone else which really upset me but i knew it wasnt anything serious. We decie to get back together a few months ago an things were really going well! but for some reason hes not as cuddly, affectionate as he used to be. He wont cuddle me, kiss me or hold my hand in public. Hes very secretive who hes out with when he goes out at night. he still talks to the girl he got with while on our break.. The worst one is if he wants sex with me i have to have my back facing him! I love this guy so much but i cant cope with this anymore, i need to know whats wrong but he wont talk to me. He changes subject everytime i say something.

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Lulumama · 12/03/2008 13:25

whether he is cheating or not, he is treating you disrespectfully and making you wonder.. he cannot even look you in the eye when you are having sex, i think that is a bad sign.

Original poster
YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 13:32

How can i stop him from being like this though? I really dont want to break up with him beaceause i love him too much.

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harleyd · 12/03/2008 13:34

he sounds like a right prick. how can you love someone like that. tell him to walk on

Lulumama · 12/03/2008 13:35

you cannot stop him, i'm afraid. he is choosing to behave like this

you can talk to him, try to communicate how much this is hurting you, but you cannot make someone love you back. and if he loves you , he is not showing it very well.

talk to him, don;t accuse him of cheating and shout and scream, sit and talk rationally and calmly, see if he opens up

having a baby puts a massive strain on many relationships, and oyu need to talk

if he is only with you in a very half hearted way, is that good for you?

you deserve a full and loving relationship.

Original poster
YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 13:48

I can never get him when he is on his own though because his little brother lives with us after their mum died last year. I know he loves me but hes just not good at showing it at the moment. I dont know whether its the strain of having a baby and his mum dying or something else so i dont know whether to say something because if it is because of his mum dying id feel so bad! How selfish would i be if i did that.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 13:50

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bubblagirl · 12/03/2008 13:54

i dont want to sound rude or blunt but if my dp treated me like that there woul dbe no way in the world i would put up with it if for one moment due making lov ei felt it was just sex and felt used i would do no more

i think the signs are there he enjoyed the freedom to much and is disrespecting you save face and tell him to leave

dont allow him to degrade you to humiliate you to be in love with someone they have to make you feel special and go out there way to make you happy

stand up foryourself tell him to go but be a father to your dc and find someone who will respect you and love you

i'm sorry if i come across as matter of fact but i spent 4 yrs with a twat with that attitude and it messed me up i wish i would of saved face and got rid of him sooner

i know its not fun being alone but you hardly sound like your having the best of times why have the worries and be disrespected if you dont have to

be alone be content alone and mr right will come along he has changed and i doubt he will ever be what you want him to be again so stand firm be strong and say no to him other wise he'llsee you as his come back and he'll do it time and time again dont allow that

allow yourself to be happy and you will be i am happily settled to my dp of 4 yrs and so glad i was strong enough to lave but wish i hadnt left it so long

sparkleymummy · 12/03/2008 13:54

YoungMummy I feel for you however this relationship does not sound like its right. You really do need to try to talk to him in a calm and rational way about whether the relationship is working. Whilst I understand that you love him he really isn't giving you (or your daughter) what you need which is a secure and loving family life. The secretiveness rings major alarm bells with me.

You are both so young and having a child at any age really can put a huge stain on things. He might be as desperate to talk and sort things out as you but just find it hard to express this.

Did you get back together after his mum died? If so and things were fine at first then it probably isn't that I'm afraid.

Let us know how things go.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 13:57

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bubblagirl · 12/03/2008 13:57

just read the bit about his mum dying i'm sorry for that but would not explain the disrespect his showing in not holding hands being affectionate or making love to you with your back to him thats not grief thats disrespectful

dont find exscuses for his behaviour its wrong no matter what the reasons

i found so many reasons why me ex was the way he was to me no it was wrong and i was afraid of losing him

do you kow when i left it was such huge releif i finally felt i could breathe no more guessing games no more walking on egg shells

i'm sorry but it sound slike he is using you as you are allowing him to do it stand strong and walk away before he makes you feel like your not you anymore,

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 14:04

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Fimbo · 12/03/2008 14:04

YMof1-I went out with someone who sounds much like your bf from when I was 17 until I was 24 and I can honestly say, I was too young to realise what a twat he was. I wasted 7 precious years on my life with him. He was always chatting other people up in front of me, getting drunk, random girls phoning him, but yet I hung on in there because he was the love of my life (or so I thought, I didn't know what love was until I met my dh (ok, vomit emoticon there!)).

He finally left me and swore there was no-one else but I still have my doubts. Anyway 3 months later I met my now dh and my life is a millions miles away from what I would have had if I had stuck with my ex.

Original poster
YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 14:05

I really dont know what to do anmore. If i lose him m whole world will fall apart but if i sta with him ill just keep getting more and more depressed.

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Fimbo · 12/03/2008 14:10

Your world won't fall apart, I thought that and it didn't. It just feels like it now, because its all you know.

You have to think of your daughter too. He is not being fair to either of you.

You need to move on with your life. Sometimes relationships which start at a very young age work out and sometimes they don't.

Lulumama · 12/03/2008 14:15

agree with fimbo

you will be upset, you will be distressed, but you will survive

19 is very young to make a lifelong commitment.

having a baby cannot be the glue that sticks you together, you need to be together because you both lvoe each other equally.

bubblagirl · 12/03/2008 14:16

my world didnt fall apart i just thought it would it became a bigger and happier place not straight away but few months down the line never felt better

you have put your belief thathe is your world you need to be content on your own no man is your world there just part of it

why would you want to allow a man to treat you this way

honestly to begin with it is hard but one day you wake up and the world isnt a big scary place anymore its a happy one

remember life is what you make it and people only treat you how you allow them to

so be by yourself and make a happy life for you and your baby and the right man who will love you unconditionally will come along but you need to be content alone first so no other man can walk allover you aswell

im sorry its so hard ive been there so glad i moved on i couldnt be happier now my ex still floating around using people where my life is great because i made it that way

big hugs to you i beg you to listen to the people that have been there xx

turquoise · 12/03/2008 14:16

I remember a previous thread of yours - wasn't the little brother treating you and your house like dirt too? Has that changed?

If he is grieving his mother, it doesn't give him the right to abuse you, and that's what he's doing.

You are letting him walk all over you, you can change that by refusing to accept it. You can't change him, but if he values you, he will change his ways. If he doesn't value you enough to do that, then - hard as it is in the short run - you are a million times better off alone.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 14:19

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Original poster
YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 14:23

Yeah he was.. and no he hasnt. He did for a short while but as soon as i thought things were going well.. he started treating me like dirt again.

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PotPourri · 12/03/2008 14:27

Sounds like you konw the answer already Young Mummy. It sounds like he is doing his own thing and expecting you to take it. Well, you broke up before for your little girl's sake, and I honestly think you need to consider her again here. If you let her see you take this kind of treatmetn, you are teaching her that men can treat women like this. Picture her at 19 being in your situation - what would you tell her to do?

If you genuinely love him, then you need to lay down some ground rules. It's a partnership and therefore you both need to be happy with the arrangement. You aren't right now, and if he won't be with a new arrangement that woudl suit you, then it's not going to work - sorry.

You have a long life ahead, and are worth so much more than how he is currently treating you. Best of luck - I hope you get to a good place soon

turquoise · 12/03/2008 14:31

I would suggest, as one of the ground rules - kick the brother out. You've given him a chance to behave like a civilized human being in your home, he hasn't taken it - OUT.

Then hopefully your bf will see you mean business, and won't have his little sidekick to gang up with.

From what you are saying though, he is using you for bed and board, and an occasional exactly how and when it suits him. This is not a relationship.

Is it your name on the deeds/lease for your home?

turquoise · 12/03/2008 14:32

Sorry, missed out 'shag' after occasional/.

TheWiltedRose · 12/03/2008 14:34

ill repeat it again on here just to make sure it gets through....

LISTEN TO THESE LADIES!

That is all see you on messenger!

Original poster
YoungMummyOf1 · 12/03/2008 14:46

Yeah the flat is in my name. Wheres his brother going to go if i kick him out though!

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StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 15:12

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