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Original poster

im really hurt, but am i being unreasonable???? i dont think i ve posted in the right place.

48 replies

DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:09

twas my first ever mothers day last weekend, and i was really excited, then on mothers day morning DP asked me for a pen to write my card!!! and there was no prezzie
i feel so hurt by it all, everday i ve waited just in case he s got me a late prezzie and to say sorry. every day there has been nothing so i ve gone in the bedroom and have been secretly crying my heart out, i just cant stop, im so hurt.
today we went out and i said i love coffee smelling candles, he then dropped me up my mums (i asked) cos she s not well, and went off for a bit. when he came back he had a coffee candle and i thought ok better late than never, but b4 i could say anything he said i only got it because it was cheap so he hadnt bought it for me at all

i couldnt help it but i just burst in to tears there n then, when he said wats wrong i told him i was really hurt, now he s gone off and sent me a message to say dont wait up 4 me, i mite not be home, and that its only mothers days etc and that im acting like a child

i really feel hurt, it was my first mothers day and i got nothing.

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 08/03/2008 19:10

You have your child

You have everything.

Twiglett · 08/03/2008 19:11

you need to tell him

if you don't tell him exactly what you were expecting and how important it was to you and why you are so upset he will not work it out and will just wonder why you are being huffy

tell him NOW

Spagblog · 08/03/2008 19:12

Did you tell him in advance of mothers day what your expectations were?
Not everyone feels the same way about it, and he may not have realised how important it was for you.

I didn't really get anything until my kids were old enough to either do something themselves, or to guilt DH into doing something!

FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:16

Oh you poor hormonal thing!

It sounds like he does not see Mothers day in the same way that you do.

You need to explain this to him, in a nice way.

He got you a card, he got you a candle (how many of us have NEVER had a hint noticed by a man!!! )

You are being a bit daft to be perfectly honest but it is not a bad thing, just your hormones and you can't help it.

You need to remember that not everyone celebrates Mothers day at all, my mum hates it, we never do much, sometimes a card - he probably has no idea whatsoever that you were expecting anything else!!

Text him and say sorry and please come home and give him a big cuddle. His heart is deffo in the right place - so is yours of course

Original poster
DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:18

well i said how excited i was and made a big deal over getting my mum sumthing, and he used to get his mum a prezzie, (they dont talk now) but he seems to have gone in a huff because im upset, i was/am crying so much that all i could utter was im hurt i didnt get anything and im sorry for crying, that was it nothing else.
i didnt care if it was cheap tescos bubble bath ( i love to have a relaxing bath) cos its the thought not the cost. but he just thinks im having ago when im just upset. now he s walked out and i dont know what to do

OP posts:
FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:18

Ps I would do just about anything for a bloke like yours...my last ex gave me a cereal bar for my birthday - this was two weeks after I spent a fortune on his

So hold him close and be glad you're loved

Presents are not everything. Really.

FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:20

This is obviously about something else, you could start by trying to figure out what - how exactly it makes you feel - like you're not understood? Like nobody values you as a mother? That he hasn't changed in his attitude since you became one?

Get to the bottom of it because it sounds more deep seated than somehting about a present.

Original poster
DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:21

he knew i was expecting summing, my parents are disgusted by him. im a 19 yr old mum and sufferd terrible with PN deppression when i had DS, on fathers day i got him a dvd etc and made a fuss over him and in his card said all my cuddles are your 2day luv elwyn x x x x x x he s ripped my card up i wanted to keep it to look back on, i ve got his safe.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 08/03/2008 19:24
WallOfSilence · 08/03/2008 19:27

Oh god... please, get a grip.

Mother's day was last week.

He didn't get you anything at the time, but he bought you a candle today because you said you love coffee candles... have you any idea how many women would love to be able to drop a hint & get it carried out?

I pointed out a plant I wanted about 3 weeks ago & my dh got me something completely different! But who cares!

You need to explain to him how you feel without getting all hysterical.

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 19:33

mothers' day is not about presents

i have had the DCs on my own virutally every mothers' day for the past 8 years as DH works, so it is hardly a day of pampering

he got home early last week, so i went to my friend who is a newly single mum and made her a cup of tea and spent some time with her... as she has no one to pamper her

he got you a candle, one you liked , and you have a lovely baby together, so i honestly think in the grand scehme of things it is not that big a deal

so many days in teh calendar to make us spend money and then feel like crap becasue we don;t get a present.

i think your parents should be more cross with him for ripping up the card than for getting you a present a few days late

Original poster
DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:33

i know its sounding really silly, but i made his fathers day soooo special. i ve phoned him now and he s aid well i cant turn the clock back, i asked him why he didnt get anything and he said cos i dont finish work untill 4:30 (we have our own busines) and the shops are closing. i said ok just please will u ome home. he s hung up and now isnt answering surely he cud av gone to tesco or asda or summat. they are 24 hours during the week. i no im sounding like its all about the prezzie but asking for a pen etc etc i feel like im doing summat wrong to make him be the cant be botherd type .

OP posts:
Lulumama · 08/03/2008 19:34

i am sure he shows his appreciation and love for you in many other ways

you are both young, and in the nicest possible way, it is easy to get lost in the little things

look at the bigger picture

both apologise and start again , no point being huffy

WallOfSilence · 08/03/2008 19:37

What's wrong with asking for a pen?

Seriously?

PeachesMcLean · 08/03/2008 19:39

there is nothing you could do, good or bad, to make him be the can't be bothered type. He's just like that. And frankly so are the majority of men. If he doesn't understand why it's quite so important to you, he won't think to make a fuss. Maybe don't blame him, or yourself, so much for this whole thing. you just ahve a different take on it.

Original poster
DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:40

but he didnt get the candle for me, they only had those one s on sale (which i like) thats why he got it. money is no object for us so its not like he couldnt afford even a bar of choc crunchy etc, my mum n dad dont know about my card being ripped, he done it in temper earlier with all the " u feel FA for ds" and " why shud i bother" u dont know how good u ve got it, most blokes wud have left u wen u got pregnant so young etc!"
i was on the pill and turns out that other med im on affected its efficency 9if thats the word) i just feel really down, we having a lot of probs wiv his family and had to phone policeabout them last night, i just feel i dont need to be treated like this. i ve done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:43

Hmm. Maybe he is a bit careless, it came across like he tried but now I'm thinking, he is being a tosser, if you made his so special.

I can't understand it if so - like I said, my ex was the same, but a manky cereal bar - NO card at all - when I'd made a fuss of his b'day. I was really angry. But he was a bastard in other ways too.

How does he normally behave? That's the crucial thing.

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 19:43

ok, you wanted a coffee candle

he got you one

it was cheap, he should not have said that, but he bought it for you

obviouly if he is saying things like other men would have left you and being nasty, that is more of an issue than not getting a mothers' day present IMO

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 19:44

a cereal bar?? that is worse than no gift !!

FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:45

He sounds stressed out by the whole police thing in that case...both of you need to calm down and talk proper, get an idea what the other is thinking and isten hard to one another. That might help.

Mumcentreplus · 08/03/2008 19:45

Is he the prezzie type?...some men are crap and are allowed to be crap...tell him you want more effort..and quite frankly tell him what you want...men don't get hints!..lol.. don't do it now do it another time...try and calm down hun

FloraPosteschild · 08/03/2008 19:46

That's not the half of it Lulumama

PeachesMcLean · 08/03/2008 19:47

That temper sounds nasty though. And yes, you could do without the hassle re his family. Poor you.

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 19:48

you must tell me sometime over a bottle or two of wine !

DMH, i honestly think with all the stress you have had , a mothers day presie might have slipped his mind

Original poster
DrivingMissHannah · 08/03/2008 19:53

when we first met he used to buy card and prezzies, my b'day in september i had card of him, but nothing of my ds. i later on that day bouht myself abday card and wrote it from my son christmas no card, of him or ds but a new string for my violin (no joke) and now this...

i always make a fuss on his bday and xmas etc not ott but a lil fuss. recently he s done nothing

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