im really hurt, but am i being unreasonable???? i dont think i ve posted in the right place.

[DrivingMissHannah]

twas my first ever mothers day last weekend, and i was really excited, then on mothers day morning DP asked me for a pen to write my card!!! and there was no prezzie
i feel so hurt by it all, everday i ve waited just in case he s got me a late prezzie and to say sorry. every day there has been nothing so i ve gone in the bedroom and have been secretly crying my heart out, i just cant stop, im so hurt.
today we went out and i said i love coffee smelling candles, he then dropped me up my mums (i asked) cos she s not well, and went off for a bit. when he came back he had a coffee candle and i thought ok better late than never, but b4 i could say anything he said i only got it because it was cheap so he hadnt bought it for me at all

i couldnt help it but i just burst in to tears there n then, when he said wats wrong i told him i was really hurt, now he s gone off and sent me a message to say dont wait up 4 me, i mite not be home, and that its only mothers days etc and that im acting like a child

i really feel hurt, it was my first mothers day and i got nothing.

To be honest it is when your DC is old enough to pick something little themselves or to make you something that it actually means more than just something OH has chosen or been hinted to get. I think it's more about doing something for or with your mother than buying her a gift, although gifts are always nice.

desi, this is a genuine OP

He sounds young and frustrated at being tied down. It might all be just getting to him, being a dad etc.

Have a proper talk about what you both are feeling.

What is the challenge anyway? It's really pissing me off. I never know if a thread is real or not at the moment.

Off to bed.

this thread is real, i just wanted to know what u think, whether im unreasonable or if im within my right to be upset??

im really hoping u believe me, this isnt one of those MAMAGG threads i promis.

Oh sorry Hannah!

It's a tricky one to decide. I think you just should talk to him. It doesn't sound like he meant any harm, he might be trying to say he doesn't care but from his reaction it sounds like he didn't realise you'd be so hurt.

Give him the benefit of the doubt maybe.

My DH is away with work and not here for mother's day so was not expecting anything.

I don't know how old your child/children are but my DS age 5 made me a card. When that happens it is better than anything else in the world.

It's not about your DP, it's about you and your baby/ies. Have a cuddle with them and you will feel alot better.

You are being so completely unreasonable. No offence, but I really think you are too hung up on the whole present thing. It's mothers day and your child is too young to know it. That's why you didn't get anything, not because your husband doesn't love you.

I didn't get a card/pressie but it is not something that matters to me.

However I did get a kinda lie in (I got her up and nursed her and then DH took over and I went back to bed for 2 hours) plus a couple of hours on my own to see a film at the local cinema, something I use to do regularly do pre-child and the only thing I miss.

To me, my DH wanting to be in sole charge of our DD at the weekend whilst I sleep/go out means a lot more than card/pressie.

I think buying you a candle because he knows you would like it, means more than buying it for mothers day.

To put it bluntly, you are not his mother, so expecting a present from him for mothering sunday is a tad optimistic. Yes a lot of dads buy their wives presents from their children, but not all do and I don't think it's worth getting so stressed over it. He was perhaps a little thoughtless, but he did buy you the candle you said you liked. Perhaps your hormones are making you a little unreasonable about the whole thing. You've clearly built it up in your mind to be something really important, but men very often don't see these things the same way.

think your beong a tad over sensitive....i know it's your first mothers day, but men can be pretty shite when it comes to being thoughtful....the presents will mean so much more when dc start to make them for you at school

Stop crying at him. That is getting you nowhere and can sometimes come across to someone as manipulative. Speak calmly and rationally and explain your feelings in words. Sniffing and sobbing and wailing "I'm so huuuurt" does not give him information.

A lot of men (not all, but a lot!) switch off when a woman is hysterically sobbing, especially over what they see as a non-issue. They can't see the sense in it, so they dismiss it as you being irrational. You need to communicate more clearly.
If you cannot talk to him without getting upset, write it down.

I would also suggest maybe you pop down to the gp and have a chat. Still sobbing after a week over this, to the point that your partner is removing himself from the situation, is not good.

If you want a lasting marriage, you are going to have to learn the art of clear communication. Good luck. xx

My dh is a darn sight older that yours and when we were first married and had a baby he didn't get me anything and said it was becuase I wans't his mother. I explained I was the mother of his child. The next year he remembered. Now we have 2 school aged children who pressure him to mark the day with gifts and breakfast in bed. DO you know he still forgets his own mum though. It's not important to some people so please don't take it to heart.

My dh is useless on mothers day, my birthday etc. I always make a fuss of him on his special occassions but that is MY choice to do it. I know he is crap at it always has been but I don't make a fuss of him to get it in return. He shows his love for his family in other ways.

In all honesty at the moment I am not too bothered about mothers day, my children are too young to do it for themselves. DD has made cards at nursery and TBH that was more special than a card bought by DH on their behalf.

Having said DH is crap though, tis my birthday today and he is working away and he sent me a card never manages to do it when he is actually in the same country though

What Hecate said.

Also how lovely to be 19 and "money no object."

I didn't get a card or pressie but then I wasn't expecting/wanting one anyway.

Dh made breakfast and didn't make much mess(even though I didn't get a lie in, my morning was very relaxed) and we all ate out for dinner. So it was a good day.

I dropped lots of heavy hints (heck, who am I kidding?? An instruction manual is more like it).

However, he does show he cares for us in so many other ways so no complaints. He thinks differently ,like all men , and doesn't understand what I would lke him to do unless I explicitly tell him. So after 10 years of being together I have learnt to do just that and he has learnt to just go do it when I himdrop a hint!

ok, I am crap at this.

Read tell him instead of him

still crap at it.
Last try...

tell him

I didn't get anything for mothers day either and it was my first aswell. I really made a fuss of fathers day and got dp something really special that he can keep for ever.

It was also my birthday in December (first with DD) and I didn't get anthing then either, (i did however get a card from our local petrol station that said "If i could pick any mum i am sure i would pick you")

I just think men are made differently to women and they dont think about these things. And I have accepted this and am not to upset by it (except the sure i would pick you bit). When your little one is old enoug you will have lots of homemade cards and gifts that will mean the world to you and you will cherish forever, and that will mean far more to you than anything.

Chin up and look forward to next year...

on my first mothers' day dh didn't get me anything on the grounds that 'you're not my mother'. he really didn't get it.

my mother, who was over at ours for her mothers' day lunch, had to take him to one side.