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Original poster

Is anyone scared of dying and if so are you conquering your fear in anyway?

31 replies

DiscoDizzy · 08/03/2008 09:50

does that title make sense. In general I can talk to people about dying, I can type this without it bothering me, but if I think of the consequences (for me) of dying I get totally freaked out, in floods of tears, uncontrollable breathing. It lasts a few minutes and I need instant comfort. I can't get my head around not being here forever, not living, sampling daily life, not having my family around me. I am absolutely petrified. Is anyone else like this and have you taken any steps to try and conquer your fear? Anything can trigger this off, Notting Hill did it last night. It only lasted a few minutes but I was very upset

OP posts:
donbean · 08/03/2008 09:54

yes, i cant stnd the thought of leaving my child, thats what sets me off, not seeing him grow up, go to uni, get married.

(or in real life...go to prison because he is a beast!!!LOL)

its a terrible thought.

Pinkchampagne · 08/03/2008 09:57

I try not to think too deeply about death itself, but I do have a big fear of leaving the boys & not seeing them grow up. I have thought about all this more since becoming a single parent.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 08/03/2008 10:01

I am terrified of death. I finally talked to my DH about it a while ago and he in a weird way made me feel a bit better with this:
There are 2 possibilities with death. Either there's nothing or we go to 'heaven'. So if we go to heaven then there's nothing to be afraid of and if there's nothing then you won't know anyway so why worry?

I still get panicky if i think about it too much but that helped (as i said, in a weird way)

Original poster
DiscoDizzy · 08/03/2008 10:49

yes I know I won't know anything about it, but I suppose its knowing that you won't know anything about it, there'll be nothing, no thinking, talking, breathing, nothing.

Morbid for a saturday morning eh.

OP posts:
Shhhh · 09/03/2008 20:53

It is a fear of mine as well..but as others have said, more due to the fact that I won't see dd and ds again...and dh...scares the sh1t out of me...

c0mfort · 09/03/2008 21:22

I find these help -
John 11:11 - The dead are at rest, they do not suffer.

Ecclesiastes 9:5 The dead do not see or hear or think.

As regards leaving loved ones behind,it does make me sad if I dwell on it but when I die I wont know any different so I dont worry about it now.
It does make me feel sad for DC's if they lost their mum or if I think about losing a loved one then that scares me but reading
John 5:28,29 gives me hope.

Shhhh · 09/03/2008 21:31

see I don't find comfort in reading the bible etc...

Just doesn't put my mind at ease with regards to leaving loved ones behind. Wish I hadn't, but just read stuff on internet that made me think about the end iykwim....makes me paranoid and sad...suppose its just life and everyone goes through it BUT its the dealing/coping with it that makes everyone feel differently with it.

Shhhh · 09/03/2008 21:31

meant deal differently....

c0mfort · 09/03/2008 21:42

Yes i understand, it isnt just about reading the bible it can be just hollow words when not understood but its about learning about what it tells us about when we die and what happens after we die and the hope of resurrection - seeing loved ones again.

It natural to worry, death is hard to understand for most peole I think its fear of the unknown.

Shhhh · 09/03/2008 21:49

yeah you are right..it is fear of the unknown....

Suppose my worries are around not seeing the lo's and wondering how their life will turn out,what memories will they have of me, will they remember me, will dh meet someone else etc...

bubblepop · 09/03/2008 22:26

yes, ive thought about it a lot recently,especially since dh lost his best friend unexpectedly. i don't think much about myself dying though..i worry about dh going first and leaving me on my own with 4 kids. i know they'd REALLY miss him as he is a huge part in their life and absolutely the best dad ever...i think its on my mind because his mum is a widow and i saw what it did to her...it took her years to come to terms with it

c0mfort · 09/03/2008 22:44

Shhhh - try not to think about it too much, your dwelling on something that you cant control.
When it comes into your thoughts try to turn it around and think positively what you have and how lucky you are to have it.
If it happens that way and thats IF, you wont be aware of these things so dont worry about them now, your wasting time now whilst alive fretting about what will happen when if die.

bubblepop · 09/03/2008 22:45

sssh i am just trying to make the most of my life whilst im lucky enough to be here..and to banish negative thoughts from my mind

GrinningSoul · 09/03/2008 22:53

i sort of had this, and I think it falls under the category of intrusive thoughts. In other words, you could be feeling the same panic and misery over a different issue, it's just that your thoughts have latched onto this particular topic. CBT can help you stop having these feelings. Hope this helps.

shabster · 09/03/2008 22:59

Shhh and anybody else on this thread who is afraid of dying - forget the inevitable and live in the NOW - hug your babies, party, laugh out loud, dance and sing. We are all born and we all die - END of.

Feel free to read my profile - 2 of my 4 children have died - that DOES NOT mean that anything will happen to your children it just means my beautiful boys died.

My boys lived their short lives to the full. My DS3 used to grab each day and shake it by the balls.

Forget the sadness - live now - live proud and happy.

Put your heart and soul into every single day - Stop worrying about things we cannot change.

paddingtonbear1 · 09/03/2008 23:13

Yes I have a fear of dying, but try not to think about it. It's just the thought that there could be a big nothing, for ever..

My cousin died when he was only 30. At the time I thought, that could easily have been me. Except it wasn't, of course. Shabster is so right in her post, we should live for now, try not to think about it - when our time is up it is, nothing we can do..

Shhhh · 10/03/2008 13:23

shabster, and others thanks for that..see thing is I also worry about my dd and ds...ds was bon with a rare "genetic" bowel disorder and although is doing well now it made me think more about it iykwim...

Made me realise how easily things can end...

I do live life to the best etc but suppose some days a black cloud hangs over my head...

LadyOfWaffle · 10/03/2008 13:27

I get like that, I think it's linked to my depression/PTSD. I deal with it in the same way as I deal with my "attacks" of PTSD - try and take my mind off it, let it pass. When I am feeling more OK, it doesn't bother me as much, but sometimes in the middle of the night, or just randomly sometimes it really gets me to the point of anxiety attacks etc. Do you have depression or anything? Sometimes I find thinking about it when I am feeling mentally strong helps. The one thought that eases it abit is I am never ever ever going to know I am dead. Does that make any sense?

Mikafan · 10/03/2008 13:31

I'm the same. I've often thought that I don't understand how people who are on their death bed are so calm about it and not kicking, screaming and crying like I'd be.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 10/03/2008 13:34

Mikafan, I lost my first DH 8 years ago. I was with him at the point of death. A fabulous nurse told me that as the body starts to slow down chemical changes occur in the brain. This means that people become calmer and accepting of what is about to happen.

I have notice this in a number of people who are close to the end, the sub-consciously prepare themselves.

I find this very comforting.

Mikafan · 10/03/2008 13:50

I'm sorry to hear that AKA. I hope that what you were told is true - I'll be first to go in an unseemly manner I bet

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/03/2008 14:03

I am terrified of dying.

For years I have felt I would die at 39. I am 36 now.

I really want to see my kids grow up and I am desperate for Grand children and to be sitting by the fire with hubby, aged 80.

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 10/03/2008 14:14

I very much doubt it, I've seen probably over ten people close to death from a whole host of problems and each and every one of them has been calm

You have to enjoy the present, life is wonderful gift - think how hard it is to get pregnant sometimes and of all the millions and billions of sperm you are here! That is amazing (and I'm not religious)

Mikafan · 10/03/2008 14:20

I'll come back and haunt you if your wrong

Shhhh · 10/03/2008 18:25

lol mikafan..!
Yes, I do suffer from depression..pnd..Not bad atm and due to come off medication BUT still have down days. Suppose its all part of life.