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Original poster

Dh's best friend is getting married abroad and wants us all to go - oh dear

43 replies

Moomin · 22/02/2008 18:20

It's in the south of france where they have a holiday home in a village. The wedding sounds fab and very French but lots of celebrating. They have 2 kids and have invited us all with our 2 dds. Dh has been asked to be a witness and wouldn't miss it for the world. But I'm just worried about the cost. They have arranged for us to share a big house in the village for the 2 or 3 nights around the wedding which is lovely of them, but we still need to find flights and car hire.

And if this is going to be our holiday (because we won't be able to afford anywhere else if we go to this) we'd need to stay a bit longer and then costs will go up again for accommodation. I'm trying not to be a wet blanket about it as dh is sooo excited but all I can see is a lot of cost and hassle travelling with 2 dds. We don't tend to spend a huge amount on holidays as we usually stay in GB and this would take our budget for a normal 7-10 day holiday and only be for 3 days. What to do?

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/02/2008 18:24

Can you find a Keycamp type place not too far away . Flights needn't cost a fortune but car hire might. You may get a deal for both.

Original poster
Moomin · 22/02/2008 18:58

Just looked at Keycamp and its £1000 for the week we'd want . Haven't got our own tent and we don't 'do' camping really so don't have equipment either.

I wish they'd just got married over here and had their honeymoon there instead. I think it's a bit rich really to expect all this from their guests. I know it's all romantic and everything, but still... and I feel mean saying that, esp as they're sorting accommodation over that weekend. But also part of me doesn't actually want to share with other families - and other people's children- for the whole weekend. And even if we only go for the wedding, all the while I'll be thinking of the lack of holiday elsewhere that this will mean. Can't bring myself to suggest to dh that he goes on his own just yet. He will be upset if I say that.

OP posts:
Iota · 22/02/2008 19:01

blimey I got married abroad to get away from the hooha of a big wedding. We didn't invite anyone

Original poster
Moomin · 22/02/2008 19:02

They're inviting 100 people

OP posts:
Iota · 22/02/2008 19:03
liahgen · 22/02/2008 19:03

we too are going to a good friends wedding in Cyprus in May. We did contemplate going just me and dh but getting the kids looked after was too much of a hassle, so now all of us, (us, 5 kids and mil) are going for 2 weeks and making it our hol.

Can't they find you a cheapish place to stay if they are familiar with the area, that's what our friends have done.

LIZS · 22/02/2008 19:04

It is pretty selfish to put people under such pressure and obligation , do they seriously expect them all to come Small and exclusive might at least make your presence feel more valued. Is it high season too ?

PanicPants · 22/02/2008 19:05

Try French Country Cottages - you can rent some lovely houses per week, and whilst they aren't cheap, they are very good value, and imo cost less then renting a cottage in England.

We've used them a few times. Last year hired a beautiful detached renovated farm house (4 bedrooms) for £600.

Original poster
Moomin · 22/02/2008 19:06

They've prob been saving for ages - they've been together 9 years. And I know they will want the traditional French 'feasting' celebration, and it will be all lovely and the village will be gorgeous and everything... we went to a French wedding some years back when we just had dd1 - but that was near Paris, no accommodation or transport costs (except flights) and just for the weekend. The wedding was fabulous... and I'm sure this will be too, but.... am I being really wet-blankety?

OP posts:
PanicPants · 22/02/2008 19:06

Oh and that was in high season - they go down a lot if it's not in August.

Original poster
Moomin · 22/02/2008 19:08

This is in the highest of the highs of the season!

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/02/2008 19:11

Presumably this year ?

annh · 22/02/2008 19:21

My worst ever wedding was dh's cousin who married a French woman and we all went to somewhere in central France for the wedding. DSs were 3 and 5 months at the time and there was no accommodation at the actual reception venue. The meal (scheduled to start at 7.30 we thought) was actually a drinks reception so we ended up going in for dinner at 8.40 p.m. All the children were expected to sit at table together so ds1, who should have been in bed an hour beforehand, was put on a table with mostly older children he had never met before. Not surprisingly, he refused to stay and dh ended up sitting with him through the speeches - oh yes, did I forget to mention that the speeches happened, in two languages, before the meal?! I thought the children were being fed while this was going on and it was only when dh arrived back (with ds in arms) after the speeches that I realised they had fed all the kids nothing except large quantities of Haribo! Then we started in on the seven courses - we left at about 11.30 after the third (or fourth?) course when DS1 had a complete meltdown and had to be manhandled out the French windows close to us while yet another speech was going on!

Sorry, realise this is slightly irrelevant to your situation but it still brings me out in a cold sweat to think about it!

evenhope · 22/02/2008 19:26

My cousins are getting married next week in New Zealand! We can't really afford to go but we're going anyway. At least France isn't quite that far

(and I'm so looking forward to 30 hours on a plane with 11 mo DD.... )

laura032004 · 22/02/2008 19:48

Is there any chance that you and your DH could go alone, and poss still have enough money left to have a UK holiday too? 3 nights in a shared house with people who may have different ideas on childcare to you could end up being a holiday from hell. I do enjoy holidays like this with my friends, but if you're all just friends of your DH's friend, and don't know each other otherwise...

laura032004 · 22/02/2008 19:50

Should also add that I got married in the Dominican Republic, and 16 people came with us. Luckily this was all pre-children, in my generation, so the youngest was 12 (I think) and we stayed in an AI hotel.

MioMao · 22/02/2008 19:59

I don't think you're being a wet blanket, just practical. I know what it's like to be on a tight budget, and feel like you're always having to be the one to say no... this often happens to me with my DH's family who are all quite well off. They invite us to stay for free in their holiday homes on the continent, which is very generous of them, but we have to politely refuse and explain that we simply don't have the money to pay for flights, car hire, etc.

If I were you I would send your DH on his own - hopefully then you will have enough money left over for a decent length holiday for all of you later on in the year.

merlotmama · 22/02/2008 23:49

Oh dear, you do have my sympathy. IMO people who are themselves quite affluent forget - or can't imagine - what it's like to have to be careful of the pennies. I think if it's not what you would consider a holiday you shouldn't feel obliged to go. It might be more hard work than a restful break...and that's your annual holiday? Oh no no.
I don't think you're being a wet blanket at all - just realistic.

The South of France is not cheap (food etc)at that time of year neither is accomodation.

Send DH on his own.

By the way, we went to DHs cousin's wedding abroad one June. DH's uncle turned his nose up at our hotel (clean but basic) but DCs were too old for a family room (ie we needed two rooms) so we couldn't afford anything nicer. By the time we'd paid for flights and the hotel we were struggling to fund our summer hols. I had no qualms about not giving them a wedding gift - the whole palaver cost us a fortune.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/02/2008 09:39

Weddings abroad simply transfer the cost from the bridge and groom to the guests. Personally, I think unless its just you and your partner then weddings of this type are selfish and self indulgent. Unless of course the couple are paying for flights etc.

If you really want to go, shop round even if it means not staying too close to the venue.

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/02/2008 09:40

bride obviously, not bridge - I think I need more coffee lol.

Kimi · 23/02/2008 09:45

Would it be cheaper if just your DH went the day before and came home the evening of the wedding?

TillyScoutsmum · 23/02/2008 09:51

Could you do the Eurostar and drive down with a couple of overnight stops on the way there and back ? That way, you won't have to worry about car hire and flights and you'll be able to extend your holiday with the travelling and stop overs.

The Logis website has some very reasonable hotels/motels for stop overs ..

I know how you feel - my DP's sis is getting married in the Dominican Republic and wants us all to go.. No way we can run to a Caribbean holiday for 4 of us though

laura032004 · 23/02/2008 10:38

HMO1 - "Personally, I think unless its just you and your partner then weddings of this type are selfish and self indulgent"

Not always I hope In our case, my future DH and I paid for ourselves. The rest of the party was made up of my parents and sisters (funded by my parents), and DH's parents. They were all quite happy to do this, I imagine they might have made some contribution to the wedding anyway, and as it was, they didn't have to - their contribution bought them a 2 week holiday in the carribean. My uncle and his family also came. Again, that was completely their choice - it was their holiday, and they had a fab time. The only people who might have been under some pressure, were the best man and his gf (now wife), but it was only ever an invitation for them to come, and they would take a holiday of this type every year anyway, so it just meant that they took it en masse that year.

I think there's a difference between a wedding in the carribean, where you get a nice holiday out of it, and 4 days in France, which may end up costing just as much, and isn't really a holiday. We booked well in advance, got a fantastic deal by playing off all the travel agents against each other (taking a booking for 16 people in January was quite lucrative for them I imagine), and in the end everybody had a really fantastic time. If it had just been DH and myself, I would have chosen a much more expensive holiday - Sandals or the like, but we went a lot lower budget so that it didn't impact on everyone else.

My dad had always said that he would pay me to elope and avoid the fuss of the wedding. I kind of did that, but he got to come too

((thread hijack over ))

posieflump · 23/02/2008 10:40

can your parents or inlaws have the kids for 3 days and you and dh go alone?

NKF · 23/02/2008 10:44

A friend of mine married in Italy and invited everyone she and her husband knew. But they didn't mind that some people couldn't make it. Surely people who arrange weddings overseas know that it will be difficult for some people and adjust their expectations accordingly. I once was invited to a wedding in New Hampshire when my baby was six weeks old. And I didn;t feel I could go. And my friend said: "of course not but I wanted to invite you."

Sorry, a bit rambling but is there any need to knock yourself out for this wedding? Your husband goes and that's all.