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Original poster

Giving to chartity instead of giving Christmas presents, do you think this is acceptable for family (not children)?

41 replies

wickedwinterwitch · 04/12/2004 09:40

Dp and I have decided to give to charity instead of giving each other presents this year. We're not sure which one yet but maybe the one that buys a goat or cow for a village. I'm a bit tempted to do the same instead of getting presents for my family (mum, step dad, 2 sisters). We'd tell them we'd done this in their name, what do you think? Would you be offended if a member of your family did this or would it be OK? I'm just feeling a bit bah humbug about all the excess in the developed world at this time of year given the number of people dying or starving etc all over the world. We'd still give the family children presents as usual. Any and all views welcome. TIA.

OP posts:
happymerryberries · 04/12/2004 09:46

We don't give to audults , only the children. I think that a charity gift would be a good idea, but the only problem would be ig the person who got the gift didn't think that the charity was a 'good' one. For example I would be chuffed with a goat to the developing world, but wouldn't be so hot on a goat sanctuary in the UK, IYSWIM.

A mate of mine was 'bought' an acre of the rainforset. While it caused some amusement at the time (he joked about having logging rights!) , he was quite pleased , I think.

kinderbob · 04/12/2004 09:47

We didn't send cards one year and sent an email instead telling the person that the postage alone had bought (can't remember exactly, but it seemed significant)for a village where we sponsor a child.

Anyone without email got a card as normal.

I know you said you will buy the children as normal and maybe everyone else will tell me I'm wrong - but would the children be that devastated if their present was a sponsorship of something? - My ds is only 2 so I genuinely have no idea.

Original poster
wickedwinterwitch · 04/12/2004 09:49

Well I wonder Kinderbob, maybe the children should get the same. The children in question are both 7 so old enough to understand. And there are 2 one year olds who won't know anything.

OP posts:
flopseybunny · 04/12/2004 09:53

hi there,

we're doing just that this chrimbo, only buying for the kids. we're 'buying' a goat through oxfam, they have a web site; oxfamunwrapped.com.
or there's www.farmfriends.org.uk.

to be honest all our relatives were releaved at not having to buy loads of presents, as everyone has other commitments; morgage, redecoration etc.

were putting money towards a really good dinner for everyone and were all happy about it.

Batters · 04/12/2004 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

andaSOPPYnewyear · 04/12/2004 10:05

I think it's a great idea. I'm going to do it with cards this year, at least (see this thread ). Last year 'adopted' a mouflon for brother & SIL - we had a thing about mouflons as kids!

princessinapeartree · 04/12/2004 10:14

I've done this - I've done it through Cafod. I bought a goat for a family in Uganda for dh's aunt (she is a real green countrywoman who breeds ducks etc and will love it) and I've bought "the gift of learning" for my mother - it pays for a child to be educated for a year (books etc) in Grozny. Well my mother did say in a rather dramatic fashion "I don't want any THINGS this year darling, I have too many THINGS and I'm getting to that stage of my life where I want to SIMPLIFY"...

bloss · 04/12/2004 10:22

Message withdrawn

PaRumPumPumScum · 04/12/2004 10:29

Hi WWW.

Hmmm. Difficult one. I'm a bit ashamed of my feelings on this one but I think that if I'm totally and absolutely honest I wouldn't like this as a present. I can be a bit of an over-sensitiveskins and I might well take it as a potential slight upon my charity giving tendencies/lifestyle. ie I would wonder whether the giver thought I was the woman who had everything or a meanie when it came to giving to charity of my own free will. I also- even worse confession!- would prefer a gift for ME from close family, despite the fact that I care a lot about the developing world and know that the money would go further and be more beneficial there. Arrgh!

Would it be worth sounding your family out about this before going ahead, in case they are selfish, chippy types like me?

Original poster
wickedwinterwitch · 04/12/2004 10:46

Oooh, oooh and ooh again, thanks for that admission Scumster. I sort of kwym but otoh (acronyms just for you, I know how you hate them!) I don't know that they get any say in what I'm giving them tbh, the more I think about it. All of us are rich compared to an awful lot of people in the world and we don't really need anything. Not in comparison anyway. So I hink we're going to do it. I'm seeing them all later so I can ask what they think. And then tell them I'm doing it anyway. Ha ha. Now, the question is, which charity? MI, are you there? Do you know (or does anyone) which ones are respected in the sector for not being up their own arses and for genuinely making a difference? Isn't Cafod Catholic? I'd rather find a non denominational one I think (no offence pph). World Vision looks good, as does Oxfam but any other ideas welcome. Maybe I'll ask them if they have any preferences and that's as far as their choice goes.

OP posts:
winnie1 · 04/12/2004 10:47

WWW, I think it is a lovely idea. However depends on individuals concerned. I wouldn't be offended at all as I think most people in the western world (although not all) have enough 'things' (not that I am anti presents - just loathe the overspend that happens at Christmas which starts earlier and earlier every year). Ba Humbug .

I find the culture of present buying a little sad as I know too many people who buy what they can't afford, often for people they don't even like because they will be given a present/it is expected.

One year I wanted to give everyone boxes with words in them telling them what was special about them (as well as a present) and everyone thought I was mad! (Have done this for dh and he at least appreciated it.)

Have even found family turn their noses up at fairtrade presents simply because they don't have a brand label that they identify with... but thats just my family

However, back to the point. WWW, ime my family would be really miffed (a reason for doing it perhaps ). But seriously, you know the individuals concerned how will they feel and are you thinking of doing this with everyone?

Original poster
wickedwinterwitch · 04/12/2004 10:49

winnie, I think your boxes of words sound lovely and not mad at all but lovely and thoughtful and touching. I think I've decided they don't get a choice, I'm doing it anyway

OP posts:
DelGirlsRingAreYouListening · 04/12/2004 11:23

I think its a good idea www and I had thought about doing it myself but it's a bit late to do it this year. We have as a family decided to give just small gifts this year, i.e £3/4 each but the usual spend on children and I have been wracking my brain trying to think of what to get one family member and Winnie has now given me an idea, cheers!

spacedonkey · 04/12/2004 11:35

winnie, what a lovely, lovely idea, not mad at all

I think the charity idea is excellent too

spacedonkey · 04/12/2004 11:37

I've never actually done the charity thing and I suppose I'd be a bit worried that it might come across as holier-than-thou. Would probably pre-warn if I was going to do this instead of buy presents tbh.

popsycal · 04/12/2004 11:39

I did a similar thing years ago for my sis - think it was an acre of rainforest or something - before this became more wide spread. I really like this idea....!

noangel · 04/12/2004 11:39

Will you all be together on Christmas Day? Won't it spoil it if there is no happy exchange of gifts? Could you just buy smallish-but-well-thought- pressies, and perhaps manage the charity thing yourselves separately?

spacedonkey · 04/12/2004 11:39

In fact I think if I were going to go down the charity route, I'd discuss with family and we'd all agree to do that instead of presents rather than spring it on them iykwim

PaRumPumPumScum · 04/12/2004 11:51

I love the boxes with words idea Winnie. Just such a lovely way to tell people what you appreciate about them and every box would have different words. Might do that for my family this year.

It's a shame they don't do generic charity gift vouchers with a choice of good causes to send them onto, I think. Then it would feel like the present receiver had more investment in the gift instead of just being told where the present has been dispatched in their name. Hopefully your folks will all like the charity you choose though, WWW? Do you have a broad agreement on which charities are good within the family? I think all the ones mentioned on this thread are pretty good. I believe that at one time Cafod put the least money into admin etc and the most into the actual causes but am not sure if this is still the case.

andaSOPPYnewyear · 04/12/2004 11:55

It seems you can get charity gift vouchers - this would certainly solve the problem of the recipient not supporting your chosen charity

PaRumPumPumScum · 04/12/2004 12:02

Oh excellent, andaSOPPYnewyear! I think those cover the idea that present giving is partly about choosing something that the person we're giving to would like a bit better.

PaRumPumPumScum · 04/12/2004 12:23

Because I think, actually, I'd much rather someone said "I'm not getting you a present this year because I donanted money to a charity I like instead," than "Here is your present- money donated in your name to a charity you may or may not support." Of course, you're right that it isn't up to the receiver what presents they get, WWW but I do think that getting things you think people will like is part of the concept. So what you're in effect saying is "I don't care if they like their present because a good cause is more important than a Christmas present in the grander scheme of things." I actually agree with that but think it's more honest to just say that and give to charity in your own name and buy no or just very cheap presents, unless your family are just as keen to do this as you are, which they may very well be and would make things hunky dory. I think I'm getting over-analytical here because- contrary to how I'm coming across probably!- I really do think very hard about which charities get my support and which don't, what percentage of my salary is a suitable amount etc and I feel those decisions are very personal.

hollybet · 04/12/2004 12:33

We are sending donation slips to Cancer research with our wedding invitatons rather than a gift list and have met with opposition to that! Mil to be is not happy at all, saying that people will want to buy you something. Well we have just combined two households and honeslty we don't have the room for more stuff!

I also suggested in the office at work (19 people) that we all give a fiver to charity instead of sending cards and only 5 took me up on it!

I suppose it depends on your family, what about telling them that if they haven't already got you somethig you would like a donation giving to.... and hope that they reciprocate. I think it's better coming from you that you would like it instead of a pressie rather than you telling someone they are getting it instead of a pressie.

FairyMum · 04/12/2004 12:47

I have told my family that I like my present this year to go to Oxfam unwrapped. I am buying them presents. I think it's up to them to suggest that I give their presents to charity too.

80sMum · 04/12/2004 12:53

We never buy presents for adults (ie over 18s). Surely to goodness an adult would not be disappointed at not receiving a present at Christmas?!!

Personally I wouldn't give the 'charity presents' things either. Your motives might be misconstrued by some people and anyway these so-called 'gifts' are just a gimmick. Much better for you simply to announce that from now on you won't be giving presents to adults, then if you wish you can donate money to charities of your choice without having to tell everyone about it.

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