Giving to chartity instead of giving Christmas presents, do you think this is acceptable for family (not children)?

[wickedwinterwitch]

Dp and I have decided to give to charity instead of giving each other presents this year. We're not sure which one yet but maybe the one that buys a goat or cow for a village. I'm a bit tempted to do the same instead of getting presents for my family (mum, step dad, 2 sisters). We'd tell them we'd done this in their name, what do you think? Would you be offended if a member of your family did this or would it be OK? I'm just feeling a bit bah humbug about all the excess in the developed world at this time of year given the number of people dying or starving etc all over the world. We'd still give the family children presents as usual. Any and all views welcome. TIA.

Good point 80smum - much simpler all round!

Yeah- I think that's a good idea too, 80smum. I wouldn't be disappointed if that was someone's rationale at all.

Heifer.org is a non-denominational charity that buys goats, chicks etc. for people in the developing world.

I did this for several family members last year. I know my dad was incredibly touched by it as he told me repeatedly. I didn't tell anyone in advance I was going to do it and only did it for people who I wouldn't be seeing in person over Christmas. I'm giving them "real" presents this year though. I think i would feel a bit mean doing it two years in a row.

I think you should definitely do it!

Scummy, thanks for that. I do take your point. I sometimes think charities in general are not a good thing since they often carry out work etc for which governments should be responsible iyswim. But that's a whole other thread! I think I'll ask them all today what they think. If they'd rather have presents then so be it.

I kind of agree with scummy- I would be very happy to be given some kind of charity voucher where I could choose who to send the money to, but having the charity kind of imposed would make me feel that it all had no connection with me IYSWIM. However, I do completely agree with you about conspicuous consumption, www. I have come to loathe the secret Santa stuff at work- we all spend quite a lot of time and energy raising money for one particular cause all year and then squander several hundred pounds between us on tack at the Christmas lunch. I have suggested giving the money to the charity instead but obviously that comes across as all bah humbug

we don't buy for adults, just the kids, though we do buy for BIL and SIL as they have no kids. I think the charity idea is nice but I think you should dissuss it with thw family and make sure they want to support said charity, they may support a different one and may like to donate to them

Talked about it with them and reactions varied but I'd say the overall tone was lukewarm. So I guess I'll get them presents instead.

Sorry, babe, was in Bosom of Family yesterday. I have to say that this year I've done the Middle Way option, and tried to buy presents, but presents from right-on organisations (Amnesty, the FoE-linked Natural Collection, Traidcraft etc). I did very nearly get my parents a goat. And think I will next year.

Thing about the 'causes/admin' division is that big charities do need to keep the infrastructure going. The press offices I used to work in definitely didn't generate income directly; but I still think they were important...

BTW I was very impressed with one of the magazines I've written for, which sent donations instead of Christmas cards a couple of years ago!

PS love it PPH: sounds exactly like dp's mum (bless her)...

There was a thing in the Guardian about this yesterday. I think if your family would be thrilled to think of a family having a goat with your name on it, then definitely do it, if not, then buy them something nice but inexpensive (bottle of wine?) and buy the goat yourself. If they don't like the idea it does get a bit ego-trippy for the person 'giving' the gift, I think. MInd you, I'm not a great gift-giver anyway - dh, kids, mum, two childless best friends, goddaughter, kids of friends we are seeing over Christmas, MIL a few sundry rellies who get token gifts (that bottle of wine again!) and that's pretty much about it. Personally, I'd be happy not to get any more stuff I don't really need or want.

I think it's an excellent idea, but like others don't know how well it would go down with family -- they can be a bit funny about presents, and it does have a whiff of moral high ground about it.

But thinking about asking for charity donations ourselves instead of the usual round of things that just get shipped off to Oxfam -- was planning to start a thread asking for suggestions on which charities to support, but never got round to it, as children have all got nasty sick bug. Was thinking of splitting between Medecins sans Frontieres and a uk charity Family Welfare Association . Suggestions welcomed.

My grandmother's doing something similar for her 90th birthday party -- sent out letters with the invitations explaining that she had everything she needed and asking for donations for a development project in Guatemala.

Funny but me & DS1 were discussing this in the car yesterday & both agreed would be most peeved to get this sort of "present"!

We don't buy for adults anyway (except our parents & they for us) & the nieces & nephews we used to buy for are now all over 18, & this year our present list is really small- just 4 kids, my mum & his parents. Our normal limit for adults is £10 each, as is the parents limit for us. So far I've managed to spend £40 on one child, which wasn't intentional & is actually over our normal budget. We often don't buy for each other either, so not much cutting back on needed! Christmas doesn't need to be spending more than you can afford & suffering for it all year.

I agree that it makes the giver seem holier-than-though & would rather be asked which charity I would like to support, than be told "we've done this in your name" because TBH there are a lot of "popular" charities I would not give to. (and surely it is down to personal choice?).

Perhaps I'm rather mean, but no, I don't like this idea at all.

We did a combination of things other people have done. A few years ago, we started asking for donations to Chicago Food Depository instead of gifts. This had the effect of ending the buying presents for all the adults tradition within two years (a good thing).

This year, I've gotten my sister and her husband a cow from heifer.org, but we don't exchange Christmas gifts, so it's not instead of one. I also got her girls a goat and some chicks and those will be in addition to the gifts. Won't do it for my husband's side, though, as they wouldn't appreciate it - well, they'd think it preachy.

Oops, forgot the most important part! My bil has just finished a 6 month stint in a meat packing plant as research for his dissertation (something about the issues meat packing workers face), so they'll find it appropriate and funny.

WWW, I think that in order to get the 'culture change'needed to be able to do this successfully in the future, it would be better to ask that if people don't mind you would prefer to receive goats/chickens/sheep etc but would happy with whatever they had chosen as you know that whatever you get will have been choosen with love etc. Others may follow suit in future years once they have the opportunity to think about the giving/receiving presents a bit more and realised, as PPH's mum has, that they too probably have too many THINGS!

WE're having the same problem but the other way round:)

I really don't want too many additions to the plastic toy mountain this year and DH and I really don't want for much. Sooo we've been asking family not to buy pressies but to sponsor a child/children in our name.

My DM was fine, she spends a lot anyway so will donate half and buy a small pressie each. MIL was not in the slightest bit amused - so will probably buy junk as usual :( My sisters are not well off but will buy very small token pressies and donate some money to charity.

I suppose I am very disappointed in MIL - the children love getting the news letters etc from the sponsorships. We even suggested another guide dog for the blind - DM did this last year and they have loved getting the newsletters and updates on 'their puppy'. But no... a load more sh**e on route to our house:(