Can I keep my maiden name but use married name for some stuff.

[tammie49]

I recently got married. We have 2 children together and they have DH's surname with my surname as a middle name. I wasn't massively precious about having the same name as them and think double barrelled is a faff (it would end up quite long). I'm in my 40s now and wanted to be married for all sorts of obvious reasons but I also didn't want to let go of my name. Now we're actually married I do feel a bit of a pull to make the change but my name is really unusual and my first name with DH's surname doesn't sound right to me. I also feel uncomfortable with the idea of abandoning my identity in that way.

Does anyone know if there's any huge issue with just keeping my name but using DH's sometimes? For DC's schools for example. I'm not going to be hugely offended if people call me Mrs. DHsurname. I just like my name better and CBA with the paperwork. I've toyed with adding his name as a middle name but again - paperwork!

My GP couldn’t sort it either but as I said the central team were able to do just a phone call for me. Maybe there’s an element of getting the right person on the phone. Back up has always been to carry a copy of my marriage certificate when anyone has queried the names and, although rarely used, it does make any questions go away.

It definitely sounds like more hassle than just keeping your own name.

I'm wanting to apply for carers allowance and I'm married but using my maiden name for everything do they need to know I'm married?

I have a friend who changed her name officially but kept her maiden name at work. TBH I just find it very confusing! I don’t judge anyone for changing or not changing their name but I’d really prefer they had one name at any given time.

Keep your surname for professional reasons, your career and your education is in that name. Use your husband's surname for social contacts if you wish.

I sort of use both but only ever married name for things that don’t really matter as if I had some official stuff in one and loads in another I would forget which was which. So I use my married name if I am signing kids reading logs at school (they have DH surname, I feel conflicted about it like you but I’m the one with the popular surname and his is more distinctive plus I like his family more than mine 😂) and if we are booking a table at a restaurant or similar. My grandma sends cheques to my married name so I had it added as an alias to my bank account (needed marriage certificate for this) and think I will add it to passport when I renew if I can.

If we had our time again I think we would have both changed our name at marriage to a portmanteau surname.

I was brought up by a DMum who kept her professional registration (and a bank account for work income) in her birth name, but changed for everything else.

I kept my birth name on all formal documents. But don't mind being referred to socially by DH's surname. It's never been a big issue. I would have double barrelled, but the names are just plain risible together!

See mine is the more interesting name. That was an error! 2 names no hyphen may have worked but we didn't do that. My name is a middle name.

I kept my own name never changed bank account, passport etc., I was 39 when married and could not see why I'd change anything, I was and still am professionally well established under my name, lots of professional qualifications, and my husband was not. i really didn't want my mother in laws name. The original plan has been husband would change his to double barrel version ( my name with forename really is too unwieldly to easily use double barrel surname) but when he found out legally I could do this for free in most cases just send a letter, but he'd have to pay ( get it done by deed pole or banks etc. would ignore - he felt this was sexist and unfair) , we gave my elder child my name. But I use the double barrel -two surnames no hyphen-version for school matters, for my younger child who we gave both names to, not because I had an issue with them assuming I was Mrs. S, but because the odd teacher seemed to be confused about which child was mine if I didn't put S into name. Same for dentist and opticians as that way its easier to link us all together- if I ring up and want to make an appointment for both kids.

A few of my friends have never legally changed name for medical and bank stuff etc but they use their married name for social media and with their kids schools when they introduce themselves etc

One issue with using different names for different things, is a death certificate will be issued in the name on your medical records.

Now not really your problem but it could be a PITA for whoever is left to tidy your accounts and insurance polices etc

I was going to put it down on the forms when my son started his new school but realised that if there was an emergency and they called my work (a school) then my school wouldn't know who they were talking about.
The 2 names together (my name plus DH surname) sound like something else. Nothing offensive but it just doesn't work; think something like Noah Blacksmith (know a blacksmith).

@tammie49 I didn't mean for school official records I meant more like socially how you introduce yourself on the class WhatsApp etc

Oh I see. I think I'm more known by my first name and as their mum.

Do you mean that you have Official ID documents in 2 different names? Eg your Passport is Smith and your Drivers License is Jones?

Or are you just talking about informal ID, eg travel pass, work pass?

In the UK, we are only allowed to have 1 legal name. Passport and other legal documents must match. That is what I was told by HM Passport Dept!

I know a lot of people who are Miss/Ms/Dr Maiden Name at work and on a lot of things but are Mrs Married Name socially.
It's easy enough to have 'also known as' in your passport for times where you're travelling with work and have conference bookings in your original name but your passport is in your married name for family holidays.

I haven’t changed mine and never introduce myself my DH and the DCs surname, but if someone calls me Mrs TheirName I just answer to it.

Where is the 'also known as' section? I enquired about this only today and HM Passport said this is not a thing!

Both DH and I kept our surnames. Both DH and I will casually use the other person’s surname when it is convenient. We don’t do it on paperwork, but sometimes conversationally it is simpler. This is especially true for fleeting interactions.

Where is the 'also known as' section? I enquired about this only today and HM Passport said this is not a thing!
I can't remember the exact wording but it's something like "Mrs Blogs is also known as Dr Brown for professional purposes".

Edit to add - It's done as an observation on your passport. The gov website has information about it.

They didn’t tell me this! Will enquire again.