Can I keep my maiden name but use married name for some stuff.

[tammie49]

I recently got married. We have 2 children together and they have DH's surname with my surname as a middle name. I wasn't massively precious about having the same name as them and think double barrelled is a faff (it would end up quite long). I'm in my 40s now and wanted to be married for all sorts of obvious reasons but I also didn't want to let go of my name. Now we're actually married I do feel a bit of a pull to make the change but my name is really unusual and my first name with DH's surname doesn't sound right to me. I also feel uncomfortable with the idea of abandoning my identity in that way.

Does anyone know if there's any huge issue with just keeping my name but using DH's sometimes? For DC's schools for example. I'm not going to be hugely offended if people call me Mrs. DHsurname. I just like my name better and CBA with the paperwork. I've toyed with adding his name as a middle name but again - paperwork!

I have a credit card with maiden name and most other things married name. Until I renewed my driving licence after years, I had passport with married, driving licence with maiden. Sometimes I forget which is on bills and things.

I've been married nearly 2years and haven't changed anything over to my married name is that OK? Its only just dawned upon me as I've misplaced my marriage certificate(have ordered copies but awaiting them to arrive) I've kept my maiden name for absolutely everything including benefits

Very similar
passport in maiden name
Driving licence in married name
Doctor, school dentist people tend to use my married name
DCs have dh’s surname
Bank related stuff in maiden name

Either stick to one or the other, a mix of both can cause major problems for anything that requires official documentation.

I've get both for the last 12 years! I have bank accounts in both. My passport is my maiden name and my driving licence is my married name. It's actually very handy.

I'm Mrs C at school for the kids etc but retained Ms D for work. Never ever caused an issue.

We're 8 months in and thus far I've changed nothing. Mainly just regretted not double-barrelling the kids (my surname is their middle name). I need to renew passport as soon as I'm home from the holiday I'm on and don't think I'll change it. Was wondering about adding DH's name to official observations/other names.
I'd also considered putting DH name on forms for DS's new school but realised that if he was ill and they called my work (I'm a teacher) then my school wouldn't know who they were asking for and so it would be pointless.

I never changed mine on anything, I accept "Mrs DHSurname" being used informally as a courtesy eg by teachers (the DCs have the same surname as DH) but I am my own name on all documents and records. I really couldn't be doing with having different names for different purposes, unless it was eg a stage name.

Change DCs name to yours, DH can change to match if he wants?

I do the same as pp, passport in one name and driving license in the other.

The only time I ever had a problem was someone from the bank telling me as I was married I had to use my husbands name. I told them they were incorrect and that was the end of it.

Me too, exactly that. I even renewed my passport in my maiden name long after I had started using my married name for other purposes.

But just to make things even weirder, I changed my work name to my married name on emails and client communications, but I still have my maiden name on the HR and payroll records because I never changed to my married name with HMRC.

I like having a dual identity. My two bank accounts are with different banks.

I use my married name at work because I changed roles and felt like a fresh start.

I would give them 2 surnames but I wouldn't take his name away from them. That would seem pretty spiteful at this point! I just find double-barrelled a faff and you can't go on joining names forever. I quite like the way they do it in Spain. My surname is their middle name. They're free to use it if they wish.

I'd worry about the different names if I needed say medical documentation to travel. I know someone who has an Italian passport in her name and uses her married name in the UK. Her COVID vaccine documents didn't match her passport and it caused issues.

I've been married 12 years our joint account, btl mortgage, my driving licence and passport are in my married name but my mortgage, credit cards and bank account are still in my maiden name. The only problem is I occasionally fail security checks as I forget which name the account is registered in. I use both names about equally.

I use my married name when dealing with stuff to do with the kids and I have a bank account in that name too, but otherwise I use my maiden name for everything else. I couldn't face the paperwork hassle of changing everything or forgetting to change something and then running into a bad situation abroad or somewhere else. My mum used her maiden name her whole life without issue.

I use my maiden name legally and use my married name socially.

I can genuinely count the number of times two names has caused me issues on one hand.

• One time when a bank refused to transfer money between two accounts in my name but one married and one maiden. They wanted me to prove that I was divorced (difficult when you’re not divorced and never said you were ). Resolved by talking to a manager.
• Another time when a new employer wanted to pay my salary into a bank account with the same name as my employee account on their system. The account I wanted to use was in my maiden name and my employee record was my married name. HR suggested that they pay my salary into my husband’s account as that would be the same name. I pointed out that he only shared a surname and not a first name and therefore there would still be a name mismatch. I also pointed out that it’s not a good look when HR are insistent on paying a female employee’s salary into her husband’s account. They looked a bit embarrassed, took it away and the problem was resolved.
• Another employer set up my new work details incorrectly so that HR had one name, IT had another etc so nothing was set up properly. Fixed reasonably quickly.
• And the covid vaccine issue that you described. Again fixed by phoning the NHS team had handled the vaccination certificates and not a big drama.

Given I’ve been married for nearly twenty years, that’s not too bad. Everything else I’ve just shown the right ID in the right name and it’s been fine.

Sorry forgot the time when DH booked flights in the wrong name but I don’t see that as my problem because his mistake so he was left to fix it.

Honestly I sort of did this and it was a big headache.

Booked to go on holiday- passport in maiden name, fine booked in maiden name.

Then realised my Covid vaccinations (required at the time) were in married name.

Tried to transfer money at my bank - account was in married name. My maiden name passport and marriage certificate was not accepted as ID.

Had to write off a present cheque for £20 addressed to maiden name after bank account was changed to married name. Was from a doddery old aunt, thought I'd do more harm than good asking for a new one.

Went to remortgage, never changed name from maiden name on deeds.

I think just choose one name and commit or it will come back to bite you later on.

I've been married a looooooong time and I'm Miss Maidenname officially on mortgage, banks, passport etc.
The only time it worried me a bit was flying to certain countries- I took a copy of my marriage cert and kids birth certs with me just in case, as they have DHs name. People who have met me through DH or the kids often call me Mrs Hisname by accident and it really doesn't bother me.

Of course. My husband and I have different names, but he sometimes gets referred to as Mr AnnieSnap and I get Mrs Husband. (apart from the Mrs grating on me. We rarely correct people.

Had my name 45 years. It’s not a maiden name. It’s just my name.

Been married 20 years. Never any question of me changing my name or using Mrs. I booked our honeymoon. 2 weeks of being called Mr Nightmare and DH now doesn’t understand why women would change their names (comes from a very traditional family).

DD got my surname. Again, no argument. I grew her, she got my name. DH’s surname is her second middle name. He’s the lead parent for GP and school because he tends to be away less. It’s never been a problem that they don’t share a name.

I tried it for a while after I got married and it was confusing and complicated and I switched to
DH's name eventually.
Things like work would book me onto a flight or hotel with my maiden name and I'd turn up with documents in my married name. I'd forget which name I'd given people I'd met too, and everyone got confused - people would ask for me with one name and other people wouldn't know who I was.

People who have met me through DH or the kids often call me Mrs Hisname by accident and it really doesn't bother me.

That sort of everyday sexism would have me frothing. I don’t open letters or cards addressed to Mr and Mrs Hisname. It’s a regressive assumption.

It was a big drama for her as the GP wouldn't help her and neither would anyone else she called. It was sorted in the end but I think it cost her.