not all young mums are tarts

[mikeyjon]

does anybody else have the same problem as me? i'm 21 but look alot younger (i was asked for i.d to buy a lottery ticket last week!) i have two sons aged 2.5 and 8 months. when i'm out with my double buggy i get dirty looks, called names such as slapper and tart. people automatically assume that i dont work and spend my days sitting on my backside. infact i'm married - and was before i even got pregnant, am at college studying to be a midwife and work in the evenings. my husband is also brilliant. my kids are happy and well adjusted so why can't people leave us alone? i have done nothing wrong

mikeyjon, every day as long as it isn't actually raining, I try and take ds to the local play park for an hour. He loves it, it's totally free and I feel that I'm not going to blow my top outside! Usually we are the only people there in a sodding wet, muddy park but hey, clothes can be washed Is there anywhere like that that you can go to? Do you have any family nearby that can take the kids for the evening so that you can spend time with just your husband?

my mother in law is one of those that concentrates mainly on my sister in laws lids - u know the type. i've got a 4 year old brother so its not practical for my mom to have them at night time. anyway, i worry that if we did have time alone we wouldn't know what to say to each other, its been so long. either that or he'd try to drag me into bed and i really dont have any enthusiasm for that. thats boring too!

lids? should be kids

i have to say that the majority of widwives i saw when i had ds were awful to us. yet when i had dd it was a very different story.

i had ds at 19 years old.
he was a planned baby.
i owned a house.
i was with his father.
we both had decent jobs.
we had a decent car.

yet they constantly looked down their noses at me, made snide comments and basically interrogated us on every aspect of our lives. as if it wasnt bad enough that we had a prem baby in scbu..it was an awful experience.

i had dd at 25 years old.
she was an unplanned baby.
i am a council tenant.
her dad left me when i was 3 months pg.
i am currently on benefit since being made redundant.
i cant drive and dont have a car.

yet i cant say i had a problem from any midwife or anyone i saw which indeed says to me sometimes they go on age and nothing else. (thats not saying of course that they should judge on situation either) i was actually amazed at the harsh treatment i received when i had ds but i will say this was only at my local hospital, prior to being transferred back we were in stoke where the staff and patients were all lovely. i do feel however that the attitude of the midwives and the fact they were so unhelpful played a part in us finding it difficult to bond with ds at first. i never received the support i needed. it was frightening enough being a first time mum but having a sick baby was even more difficult. i dont remember any comments being made in the street however.

Hi there,

Well - lucky you being able to claim even more youth than you already have.
Seriously though, this is awful - a case of too many people believing all the crap they read in the papers (are you listening Daily Mail)?
Ignore these idiots - they are not worth the time of day. Just concentrate on your happy life, enjoy your hubby and your babies and know that you'll never treat a young Mum the same way. In fact you'll be able to empathise with younger Mums (single or not) as you know what it's like to be in that position.
Hang in there and don't let these idiots get to you - they are not worth the anger and stress they're currently giving you.

Mandy

Even horrible old wrinkly mums of 40 plus can get cross for you when they hear stories like yours mikeyjon - and like the idea of ensuring you'll always be busy as a midwife by organising Ann Summers parties
I loved Tammy's story of the old lady in Asda, I thought that was such a nice thing to say.
Dd's godmother is one of my closest friends and is a first-time (married) mum nearly half my age. She and her husband were patronised horribly by the medical staff at her ds' birth. It upset them both very deeply at what should have been a happy time. She says the kinds of attitudes you encounter are all too frequent.
Good luck to young student mums, I say. I wish sometimes I'd had my two 15 years earlier!

Like Marina (Nativity Play), I, too, sometimes wish I'd had my kids younger. Often, really, I wish this. So I wonder if there isn't some underlying jealousy/envy when these people are horrid to young mums? And that the envy masquerades as disapproval, because these people don't want to admit their envy, even to themselves? I just wonder. . .Every time I hear from you young mums that you face disapproval, I get steam coming out of my ears. Just keep remembering that their reaction is somehow about them not about you.

hi mikeyjon- its a real pain isnt it? im really small (5ft) and was a size 6 soon after having ds1, so i looked about 12, was always getting funny looks off people. Now have another son but the weight has crept on and people dont say so much now ( obviously can see my childbearing hips!)
unfortunatly some people are narrow minded and thats their problem, dont let them worry you.
where are you studying? im doing the same course at sutton collge! good luck! and pay no attention, old women can say nothing- it wasnt unusual in their day for them to be married at 17 with 2 or 3 kids round their ankles by 21. hypocrites!

I've noticed on this thread alot of people are justifying their worth - what I mean by that is,

I'm married
work
study
own 2 cars
own a house
etc etc etc

I think it's horrible that we have to do this to prove we are normal socially acceptable people. I'm not bashing anyone on here for doing this - I am 23 with a 4.5 Yr old dd and I do exactly the same!!!!

Why should we have to though???? Just because we are younger - it makes me so mad - other (elder) mothers are not judged on wether they are married or own a house!!!

As you can imagine this is a subject close to my heart and I have come up against some real bitches in my time!!!!

LOL.... I get it all the time.. Im nearly 24 and have DD 2 yrs old. I have worked extremely hard to get were i am in life and have done it all of my own back. I do notice people staring at me and turning round as they walk past. I invited a financial advisor round the other night for life insurance and he was so patronising. Im also studying with the open university and go to college and when i mentioned this he asked how i could afford the premium and if my DP supported me. I took great pleasure in telling him i work full time and earn a fairly large sum of money and then promptly showed him the door.
I went to buy a car with my money and the man talked to DP all the way through as if i wasn't even there. When he asked DP if the little lady was happy with his choice of car i laughed and walked out..................

I think wherever you go you will always get people thinking they are better than you or that your a sl*t for having kids young.....sad really

Funny how you never get it off of other mums, probably because they appreciate the work being a mum entails...

Folks - I am 30 and get 'the look'.

We will be glad when we are in our 40s and 50s though! Save a fortune on anti-wrinkle cream!

Hi there all. This is slightly off the original topic but I thought it might make you laugh...
Dh and I (currently 29 and 27 respectively) both look younger than we are; I had the same thing about having to show my ID at 20 but I think I look about early 20s now. He, though, really looks a lot younger than he is and is also pretty short for a bloke. 4 years ago he was at my Masters graduation and was in the hall looking for the loo, and somebody asked him if he'd lost his parents!!!!!!!!!
I'm cureently 14w 3d with my firast, so it remains to be seen if I get any comments because of looking quite young. The things a lot of you have had happen are just awful, though. What gives people the right?

ooops, 'currently' and 'first', of course

Mikeyjon, I feel for you. There are just some misery types about. I am NOT a young mum as I am in my middish 30's but I was in the Post Office with a double buggy with dd then 2.6 yo and ds 6 mo when this couple of oldish ladies started talking about young, single mothers, benefits etc, too many kids etc. It took a while but I realised it was aimed at me. I was amused but annoyed at their attitude - what has it got to do with them why I'm in the post office. I just let them get on with it as I am sure they spend their lives putting the worlds to right so nothing I could say would make a blind bit of difference. Keep your head up high you know who you are and what others think really does not matter.

I'm 23 and look a lot younger, bean is 6 months but I haven't had any nasty comments yet. Maybe I just don't notice and actually everyone is talking about me. I don't really care, I'm a good mum and being on benefits doesn't make me a bad person. I'm only on benefits until I finish my degree anyway. And to be honest I am a bit of a tart