Anyone ever moved to a new area and regretted it?

[katierocket]

That's it really. Did the feeling go away? or did you move again?

We moved from London to Sheffield just over a year ago - back home for me, but I have no friends living in the area and am still very lonely. I know it was the right move, the quality of life is a hundred times better for us and dd (and soon to be dd2) but I do still have wobbles about it. I thought it would be OK making new friends but I work so haven't been able to do the toddler group circuit and I miss our old friends and having a social life. But, on the whole, I still think we made the right choice.

Katieerocket - I think often at 6, children don't always have one particular friend. DS has one now but its only literally been in the last few weeks that the same boy keeps being mentioned. Before this he would change his friends more often than he changed his socks! Think Sparkles has a good idea in relation to activities for your DS. This may also help to get your face known in the area too.

Sparkles - its such a shame your friend is acting like this because from the sounds of it you had a really good friendship as did your DD's and your DP's. Once you move maybe you should make a lot of effort to visit her, invite her to your house etc etc. If she is feelig insecure this should reassure her that you have not disappeared. If however she is still acting like this after you have made the effort you may have to resign yourself to the fact that it is actually jealousy and not insecurity. I do hope its the former though.

Sanae - its an interesting point about idealising your old life, and it doesn't help for me when I go back to visit and just have fun when I am there without the everyday stresses and strains of juggling work, kids, housework etc. Perhaps the tried and tested pros and cons list may help? Why may it be taken out of your hands soon?

Tutter - am living in the Dearne Valley now. Where are you originally from? Where are you now?

MammyofET - yes - having a supportnetwork does make a huge difference doesn't it?

Picalilli - where in Sheffield are you? Are you still in touch with any old school friends or is it a possibility that you could call some of them and arrange a catch up meet?

Oh my God - we have just today been handed our notice for our rented accomodation so have to get out in 2 months. I can't believe it after this thread - we are now talking about going back to Hampshire, but 1.I have no job there, 2. children's schooling - what do we do? On the very plus side, we have a house there with no mortgage. Here we are in rented as we can't afford to buy anything reasonable (also not much available for rent), but I do have a good job. I am in a spin and neither of us know what to do, so much for my giving it 6 months.

Before that shock about my rented house, I was about to reply to your thread Katierocket - big problem going back and having a good time with old friends, one wants to keep in touch but it does make the homesickness worse.
PS has anybody gone back and found they slotted nicely into their old life, OR gone back and found it just wasn't the ideal that they had built up in their heads - i.e. double regret???

Notalone, I'm in SW Sheffield, still in touch with most old school friends but (unlike me!) they're scattered to the other ends of the world. My family are here so not completely alone and we get much more time as a family. I'm hoping when the new baby arrives it'll be easier to meet some other mums.

Is it the getting to know people/making friends for you and your DS that is the main problem or is it the whole lifestyle (e.g. liking the area, access to facilities, things to do)? I ask because for me it?s the whole lifestyle thta is the problem. I dodn?t feel I can do the things I want to very easily. I like to be busy, go out a lot, see people, work (I?m not especially homely) and I just can?t do those things so easily where I live.

I think both me and my DH, especially DH, looked at our move (i.e. to the country) through rose-tinted glasses and in reality it wasn?t that much different. It was still the UK (with all the positives and negatives that go with it). If it is the friends thing that is the main problem for you, and I understand how much of a problem that can be, I would be inclined to give it more time. However if it all the other things and the area perhaps you need to reconsider.

BTW what does your DH think?

DH has surprised me by being suddenly very excited about returning to Hants - but he can be very impulsive and we only heard about the house 2 hours ago! I guess if we knew we could get the kids back into their previous school (but probably can't) and that I could get work(who knows), then it would be the right thing to do. As far as the lifestyle is concerned, well, there are things I like and things I don't. I hate the wet weather and damp and that's not going to change. I do feel isolated here and I think I would do even if I made more friends. On the other hand I know there were things I was pleased to leave behind when we left Hants - just can't remember properly what they were! I know I will miss, and even long for, the sea if we go back. Also, at the back of my mind I feel it would be irresponsible to leave here without another job lined up, but it would be easier to get another job in Hants if i was living there.
Briffa, how is it going to work for you with the children's schooling and slotting back into your old life.

briffa, I think I'm struggling with the whole lifestyle thing really. DH is a country bumpkin at heart whereas I think I'm probably more of a townie. I do love where we live now in terms of the beauty etc but I feel a bit claustrophobic and I think that being new and people not being overly friendly has obviously made that feeling worse.

Equally though I'm thinking that 6 months is not really enough time to make a decision especially since DS1 is not settled at school (and we are considering moving him) so all of that doesn't help to make you feel part of the community.

Fio - I work from home so not really an option but interesting that you say it took that long for you to feel settled.

I wonder if it's just moving from big town to small town/village that people feel like this.

BIG move here, from Bristol to Munich. Still having the occasional wobble and miss my friends I made through having DS like crazy.
Gosh, I don't admit that out loud at all. Don't want to hurt DH's feelings as it's his job that brought us out here.

I know what you mean Fio.

wow quiet - that is a big move. Do you speak German?

I'm having German lessons at the moment but about to have second child in 5 weeks so lessons will have to stop for a while. Luckily I am quite happy in my own company, but I don't think DH understands that although on the surface we have a wonderful life here, I still get sad occasionally. We've been here 6 months now.

DS1 and the twins will go to the local school. Luckily most of the schools in the area are pretty good, a benefit of living in an OK suburb of a city and having a reasonable choice maybe. DH will have the same job (he's been commuting) so there is a benefit for him. I plan to go back to work now that DS is 1. Again I am lucky that in a profession that there is demand for.

My DH was brought up in the country and that was one of our reasons for moving to a more rural area. I think the reality has been different for him that his own childhood memories....not quite the 'out all day in the woods exploring and climbing tress' DSs NOT him!

I have just checked - can't get my kids back into their previous school and I am now in tears - think that says it all - in my heart of hearts I must want to go back. They are currently Y 2,4,5. Spoke to their previous school secretary, a personal friend, on the phone - just makes me realise how much I miss having friends around here. Briffa - do you think your DS1 and twins will have any trouble swapping school again? Do you think we should involve the children in decision making or is this just one that we adults have to take on our broad shoulders?

I don't think we should really listen to our children when they "miss" Manchester because they were young and they idealise it - they recall the good times and imagine they had perfect friendships etc and a perfect school. In fact they have as good or better friendships here I think, though it took a while (and we moved house and school twice in 6 months as we rented for a bit so that didn't help).

Maybe with older children it's worth listening more.

I think Briffa makes a really good point with the lifestyle thing. We constantly missed two things in Manchester. Sunshine and blue skies, and the outdoor things. We spent a lot of time doing outdoor activities - sailing, windsurfing, camping, walking, cycling. And Manchester isn't really the place for that, but Devon is. So I think long term it makes a lot of sense to be here for us. IME there are always new people to be friends with, eventually, even if it takes time, but those lifestyle things are harder to arrange.

Yes that's a good point Fennel. Just on the friendships thing, I know it's unusual for young children to have strong friendships but DS1 really did have a very close bond to two children in his class. He had triplets in his class and his teacher said that DS1 and his two friends "are closer than the triplets are"! So I do feel for him that we've taken him away from that. But I know he's young etc

I don't think it will do any lasting damage katierocket DS1 had a really good friend from practically birth to about 4 yrs (young i know) they were inseperable, had the same personality and just clicked really well - the parents split up and they moved a 4 hour drive away so we hardly see them now but DS1 still remembers him and when we do see each other its like they've never been apart. Do you plan on inviting your DS's friend to stay for a weekend or in the hols at all?

DS1 does have a new best friend now and i feel guilty again for dragging him apart from another friend, but they are not in the same class and his bf's mum and i are good friends and the boys play football for the same club so will still see each other then and during the week/weekends etc

i suppose it is very different for me i'm only moving to the next village and my dc will still have the opportunity to see their friends easily - it must be very hard to make a big move away from all you know

I've never done a 'big' move as an adult/parent only as a child

hello, wow, can't believe this is exactly a year ago that I started this thread (spooky), just wanted to revisit and ask for any other thoughts/experiences. I am still feeling that we made the wrong move - DH thinks the same but obviously it's a horrible situation to be in. Only thing stopping us is moving poor DS1 again (oh apart from dire housing market etc) although there is a chance we could get him back into his old school.

bump

@Katierocket - what did you end up doing in the end? I'm currently in your situation but DS 2.5 so not started school yet. Just curious to see if you ended up moving back or if you settled in new area?

Hi where have you moved from and to? I have moved from Home Counties to Devon and feeling very homesick. It’s only been 10 months tho so guess I need to give it more time