Anyone ever moved to a new area and regretted it?

[katierocket]

That's it really. Did the feeling go away? or did you move again?

[katierocket]

I like some of my friend's friends and yes probably but it would take a long time I think before I saw them without her. I just miss the attitudes of people as much as anything else.

wantslotsofbabies - I was going to ask the same questions as notalone

[sparklesandwine]

i'm glad i came across your thread as we've just sold our house, our move is only a small one out of the town to a village a mile and a half up the road (so not far by any means!) BUT i will still be changing DC's schools and i'm worried about this 'small town mentality' as i know this village can be prone to it and i really hope that we will be ok

I don't want to move such a short distance if i'm going to regret it, the main reason we are moving is because we're so unhappy with the school's we are using and want to put the DC in a better school but will it be worth it if i can't make any friends there?!

I don't drive either so can't even start going to the babygroups now to start making my face 'known' - one of my so called friends where i am now is making me feel really bad about moving the DC and keeps saying that i probably won't be happy there, she's very upset by our move and already isn't taking to me. I'm at the point of giving up before we've even started! and we're not even making a major move!!

[katierocket]

sparkles, I'm sure you will be fine. You will still have your family and friends near which makes the whole thing a lot easier to deal with. If you're not happy with the school you're doing the right thing moving them.

[Fennel]

Katierocket, one of my friends lives in a village near Welshpool, they moved there before having children and she has found it very friendly. which village are you, or don't you want to say?

5 months is very little time, especially for making really close friends. We moved from Manchester to Devon nearly 2 years ago and DP and I love it but the dds, who were only 5 and 4 when we moved, still idealise Manchester rather and would prefer us to still be there. I think they're fantasising about that really.

[sparklesandwine]

Katierocket - I have no family near me but we do have friends here in the town still so i could always just learn to drive and see them i guess!! it would just be nice to have 'school friends/acquanitances' for the day to day stuff but i haven't moved yet and have no idea what it will actually be like, i think its just my friend who has been trying to put doubts in my mind to make me stay that has made it a litlle negative

Can i also ask how old your DC are Katierocket?

[sparklesandwine]

oops sorry about the spelling mistakes there!

[notalone]

Sparkles - agree with Katierocket. You are doing the right thing for your DC's and won't be too far from everyone to really miss them. I think perhaps your friend is having more of an effect on you than you think and this is making you think of the negatives and not the positives. TBH she is being really unfair to you, a move even just up the road is still a big thing, and she should be more supportive. Do you think she may actually be a little jealous of the move?
Try to keep positive if you can and reassure yourself that if it is cliquey, you still have your friends up the road. What are the public transport links like where you will be living? Also are you moving to a bette house? (if you are this may be why your friend is a bit jealous?.

Fennel - think on the whole (apart from perhaps the shopping) I would prefer DEvon to Manchester too

[sparklesandwine]

notalone - I hadn't thought it could be jealously actually maybe it is?! the village we are moving to is considered a 'wealthy' village however we are not and couldn't afford any of the big houses there its just a move up from ours really nothing spectacular! maybe she thinks i'm being snobby with the school change (i don't think the school we are at is very good and have been desperate to change for a couple of years) she may think "well we think its good enough for our kids why isn't it good enough for yours" sort of thing i suppose Don't get me wrong it has good SATS but the whole feel of the school is wrong and their emphasis is on finances not teaching or the children and they are VERY un-welcoming to parents and their ideas, maybe its like that everywhere i don't know!!

I might be fooling myself that its going to be better and its not, but at least i'm willing to try!

Gosh sorry katierocket i'm harping on here, sorry!

[notalone]

Now you have posted again Sparkles I am absolutely convinced it is jealousy on your friends part. Just remember you are doing what is right for your DC's and they always come first. Your friend should understand that. What have your other friends said?

Katierocket - how old are your dc's?

[notalone]

PS - Sparkles. Just seen your profile. Do you live near Cambridge? One of my best friends live in a village called Oakington. Is this near you?

[sparklesandwine]

I'm about 20mins drive from Cambridge, I know where Oakington is but i haven't been there, there's an RAF camp there i believe - I live in Huntingdon inbetween Cambridge and Peterborough

My other friends have been really supportive, understanding well 'normal' about it, she is one of my closest friends here and i just thought that maybe she was just really upset about us moving and our kids not being in the same class anymore, i didn't really think of jealousy

[expatinscotland]

No, but if I had I would move again. I really would.

Life's too short to spend being miserable.

[notalone]

Maybe she is Sparkles but if this is what is wrong she is still not being fair and is projecting her feelings onto you. Have you tried to talk to her to explain how her words are affecting you?

Expat - where are you originally from? I would move back like a shot but for us its financial sadly

[goingfor3]

I've moved three weeks before dd1 arrived. I didn't know anyone who lived with walking distance and felt very isolated. When dd1 was 11 months old we moved again just a few streets away and I was much happier as I quickley made friends on my new street and built up a lovely network. One by one we all moved to Herts, where in London, and I'm also very happy here. DD went straight into pre school so it was easy to meet new people.

[sparklesandwine]

notalone - i've tried on several occasions actually but she keeps saying that i'm ruining her DC's happiness by moving away (a mile up the road and she drives ) and that her DD (my DD's bf) will never make another friend like my DD, which makes me feel even worse

I tried explaining and reassuring her that i will still keep in touch and that we will all still see each other but she has taken it to heart - i am not the sort of person who leaves friendship when they move and she knows this as i have many friends who i keep in touch with and regularly see after they/or i have moved

I moved around alot when i was little (dad was in raf) and i have no friends from when i was at infant school that i remember let alone stay in touch with, and no doubt at that time they were my best friends in the whole world and i never wanted to leave - as all 5 year old children are like - but we still adjust and make other friends!

I don't know its become a bit wired tbh

[notalone]

She really is not being fair on you Sparkles. From the way she is going on you would think you were emigrating to Oz or something! You are not responsible for the happiness of her DC's and you have already reassured her you want to keep the friendship the same. I am not quite sure what else you can do other than let it blow over. How long have you been friends for? Does she have many other friends? I moved schools and areas when I was 7 and don't even remember the transition. The friends I still see from infant school are those from my second school, I can't even remember any from my first though apparently I had lots of friends there that at the time I couldn't do without

[katierocket]

crikey sparkles, that doesn't sound fair at all, and I agree that she sounds jealous.

My DCs are 1 (tomorrow! - ahhh ) and DS1 is 6. He's the one most affected by it all because he loved his old school (where he went to nursery and then did a year in reception) and he just hasn't clicked with new school at all.

Fennel - I'm intrigued, our village is Leighton - maybe your friend would speak to me!

[notalone]

Aw - hope your teeny one has a fab birthday tomorrow Katie Rocket! I have a Ds who is 6 too and they can be quite sensitive at that age, but he WILL get over the move and settle in. What is it about the new school he doesn't like?

[katierocket]

Yes he is a sensitive soul! As to what doesn't he like, well, it's hard to say really. He had a very difficult time to begin with, the school were rubbish at helping him integrate and the children weren't overly welcoming. It has got a bit better but he hasn't really found a proper friend and I think he still feels like an outsider. Added to which I have some concerns about the school - mainly to do with the headteacher and how it is run. It's basically an Ok school, not great but OK. I'm sure he'll do fine there but you don't want them to be fine do you? you want them to be more than fine and as happy as possible.

[sparklesandwine]

Oh Katierocket i hope you DS is ok i haven't had chance to read your other thread about his school but i will do has he joined all the groups football, scouts etc? I don't know what your circumstances are but could you go in to school once a week to help out or anything and therefore keep an eye on him and get to know the school/teachers more?

notalone - in answer to your question we have been friends for about 5 years, we are good friends and enjoy each others company, our DP's get on well as go our DC's, we used to spend more time socially together but since we have had the house on the market this has been less and less - tbh i'm ok with it as i can cope i'm not a 'dependant' person and have a few close friends and lots of acquantances my friend does not find it as easy to talk to people and relies on my friendship maybe a little too much, but it has never bothered me as i like her very much. I'm now beginning to think i can't be arsed with the shit i'm getting though as she's been like this for about 6 months now, i'm not sure i have the energy to keep trying when i'm getting nothing but negative vibes back!

Katierocket i hope your DC have a fabulous birthday tomorrow!!

[sanae]

Thanks for such an interesting thread - we moved 17 months ago from Hampshire to Cornwall, I'm still uncertain whether it was the right thing to do. Both DP and I are very up and down about it - sometimes love it here (especially when I see the sea), other times just want my old friends back. I have found it very difficult to make friends as my children are all in primary, but past YR - I think that's when people are most receptive to making new friends. I,too, have the problem that the children idealise their previous home, although they have settled fairly well into their new school. I am not sure about rural life either. I think I am going to give it the full 2 years then make a decision. The problems are 1. we couldn't get the children back into their old school as it is full, so going back would mean another change of school - I really don't want this 2. I may not be able to get a job that pays so well for reasonably family friendly hours back in Hants 3. I might be unrealistically idolising Hampshire! I really don't know how we are going to make this decision, but it may be taken out of our hands anyway.

[katierocket]

It is a very difficult decision isn't it. I think there is definitely an element of idealising previous life. I get annoyed with myself because for ages I moaned about living in the town and how lovely it would be to live in the country was, so I guess it's a case of "be careful what you wish for...."

good to hear your experiences sanae, I agree that once you get past reception I think mums are less interested in making new friends than they are at the baby/toddler/ stage.

[katierocket]

thanks for the birthday wishes sparkles
and don't bother reading the other thread - it's more of the same i.e. me moaning on about schools, difficulty of integrating etc etc!

[Tutter]

notalone, wondering where you ended up?

(orig from s yorks but living Far Away)

[mammyofET]

Katierocket - I moved from the n.west to the n.east almost 5 years ago now. I wanted to be with DH and I had to move here. I miss my friends and family terrribly, (still do) but have made my life here.

I appreaciate that not having DS (now 15mo) made it easier for me to go out, work etc. but I still had to try everything I could to meet people (as I literally knew nobody). I joined an evening class, made a huge effort with work colleagues, and just got out as much as possible.

I think it took me a year to 'settle', but IMHO I will always miss the n.west and still call it home. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I'd have stayed there (I'd have had a dozen more babysitters), but I haven't and I'm happy that we're bringing DS up here now.

Good luck settling.