Am sooo angry and upset by school's insensitivity

[amynnixmum]

I am so upset by ds school today. Have posted before about the problems that he is having at school - basically he was only 4 in july and has been having problems settling into school. This has resulted in 2 exclusions because the school just don't know how to cope. At the moment he is being reintergrated slowly and to start with this was going ok but this week they increased his time to 1 1/2 hrs a day and also increased his time actually in the classroom. Unfortunately he found being back in the classroom too exciting and misbehaved again so yesterday afternoon the senco told me that they were reducing his hours to one hour a day out of the classroom until after xmas. I understand their reasons for this (xmas very exciting etc etc) but am obviously upset and disappointed by this development and the senco knew I was upset because I got a bit tearful when she told me. In his school the younger 1/2 of reception are still only doing mornings and this amounts to between 20-25 children. This afternoon my dd brought ds book bag back from school ( she usually does this so that the senco can write a full report of ds session after I collect him). In his bag was a letter to inform all parents of the morning only chiildren of 4 dates in the runup to xmas when the children could stay all day (i.e the xmas party and play etc). I know I'm being silly but I feel so angry and hurt that they put a copy of this letter in ds bag knowing that he was not going to be allowed to stay like the others. Ffs the letter was only given to those 20-25 children and it wouldn't have taken much thought or senstivity to make sure that a copy was not included in ds bag. Its not as if his bag was with all the others in the reception class because at the moment he isn't even allowed in there. The bag is kept in the senco's office until it is given to my dd to take home. Sorry - I know I'm ranting over something silly but am just sitting here furiously crying over their thoughlessness and needed to vent some or I'm going to be upset for the rest of the day.

I think, from what you have written, that school is doing him much more harm than good atm, and he is very young. I think no more school until you feel he is ready might well be an option to consider. FWIW I do not think the school is coping well and you might find that after his assessment you have a much clearer plan of action for reintegrating him into formal education, either at this school or another one. I think many, many children would benefit from far smaller classes - esp younger ones - and you don't get that outside private education. My stepdaughter's class last year - when she was 12 - was 14 girls. I know this would make a HUGE difference to my son. But this is a whole different heated debate!

Oh, and I meant home ed formally from next sept, let him play till then anyway

Sorry trying to work and mumsnet at the same time.

I hate the one size fits all mentality too. I thought education was supposed to be child centred but the reality is often very different. My dd was ready to start the year before she actually could and i always knew that ds would have some difficulties settling in when he started so young - but obviously i never anticipated how huge those difficulites would be or i would have done something about it before this. Will talk to dh about home ed when he gets home. My mum is a primary teacher (and a senco) so she should be able to help me with all that.

Good luck amynnixmum, please keep us posted about how things go

Thanks Spacemonkey. and thanks everyone else for the support (and the chat kittypickle!)- feeling much stronger now and must get off this computer and go and feed my children

Right, the more I think about it the more I'm going with my pull him out view. I think maybe considering him going back to nursery might be an idea, he was settled and happy there. Yes your DS is lively, but I can't believe that this has happened and I do feel that the school has a lot to answer for - I think it's interesting that this is the first year that this teacher has taught reception at the school. I think it would be a good idea to have a look at St Mary's and also whatever your local non-catholic primary - I know it would be difficult with him and DD at different schools but it would be possible and you could maybe move her as well. St Mary's feeds into the same secondary school as his current one anyway I think. I can't help feeling that if he's back in a familiar environment for a bit then goes to a different school later then things will be very different. I know his teacher and the SENCO are supportive but the head has behaved very badly in my opinion, some of the things she has said have been very unprofessional and at the end of the day, she's the head and will set the ethos and standards of the school. I know there are so many things to think of that it must all seem pretty impossible right now, but get yourself in that bath this evening and try as hard as you can to relax, then think again. To anyone else reading this, Amynnixmum and I got to know each other when our HV introduced us when our DD's (now 6) were tiny babies, she saved my sanity in those early days and she is a fab mother who really doesn't deserve this. As well as dealing with this she's waiting to hear whether her Mum has breast cancer (looking hopeful that she doesn't). I hope you don't mind me posting that bit Amynnixmum and I'll speak to you after my holiday.

Told ds teacher today about how upset I was yesterday and she was very sympathetic and apologetic about the letter. Still considering my options at the moment as regards pulling him out of the school. Talked to his preschool today and they were very supportive and angry with the school for not meeting ds needs as preschool were excellent and could always manage his behaviour. Turns out that they know of at least 2 others in the same school who are also unhappy with the support they are getting for their special needs children. Apparently the school do not have a good rep for dealing with behavioural issues. Wish I'd realised this before I sent him there. Still it helps to know that I'm not the only one and according to preschool, steps are hopefully going to be taken by an outside agency to address the schools deficits in this area.