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I thought we'd sorted everything and now I find I was wrong and I really need to winge...

42 replies

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 17:29

OK here goes!
My DP and I live in social housing, in a one bed maisonette to be a bit more precise!
We are expecting our first child on the 8th of february and I'm pulling my hair out!
We put in for a transfer to a two bedroomed property MONTHS ago. And we're still waiting for approval. Once we get approved all we'll be given is a code number to use to 'bid' (not a real bid like an auction, just a flag that you wish to live in that property) on available properties. First major problem with that is that two bedroomed properties in social housing that are available for transfer are few and far between and in very high demand. The second major problem with this is that once you've bid on a property, the powers that be then look at the priority status of all the people who have made a bid on that property and the first one with the highest priority gets the house. This process could take YEARS.

So as we have the prospect of trying to squeeze our new little life into our rabbit hutch for the forseeable future we have to try and make some room.

DP is a musician. so we have guitars and speakers and amps and god knows what else that takes up some of the space

I have completed one year of uni and intend to return after the child is born. I'm studying Textiles so I have 3 sewing machines, boxes of fabric, yarn, sewing threads, reams of paper, some of which is very large, portfolios of work done so far
pens, paints.............stacks of arty farty stuff that cost a fortune to buy and is important for the course

We've thrown out over two car loads of stuff we had around that we had thought meant stuff to us like books and clothes and sentimental gifts and one of two wardrobes and there isn't much more we can get rid of.

So we thought if we just turn the bed around and squash everything up a bit we'll be able to get a cot bed in the bedroom with us. We thought a cotbed would be the best idea as we don't have a lot of money and can't keep buying several different things for the child to sleep on as s/he gets older and we might as well find room for that as we have no idea how long we're going to be waiting for a bigger place.

We were dead wrong

I've just finished measuring up the bed room. turning the bed round and squashing things up makes 10cms difference to the space available and it's just not enough!

I don't know what we're going to do. we'll be ok for maybe three months cause we can just about fit a moses basket in there but after that where's my baby going to sleep?

So I seem to have no choice left! I've got to get rid of all my stuff for uni to make enough room down stairs to store the baby's clothes and mine and my partners clothes (which I will have to Kull AGAIN) throw out our chest of drawers and squeeze the baby in behind the bedroom door.

I've no idea how I'm going to be able to go back to uni to give myself a better chance of getting a decent job so that I can provide for my child and get out of this shithole so I guess we're all going to have to slum it together.

The government can go and shove it if they're going to give me any crap about retraining etc because that's what I was doing before the shit hit the fan.

And before any of you say what my mother said... My partner and I didn't use any protection because I was informed that with the state of my PCOS I was classed as infertile and DP's swimmers prefer to sit and watch the world go by IYKWIM. It was after being told that children for us was a damned pipe dream that I decided to go to uni and focus on my career instead.

We're over the moon that we became pg. We're thrilled to bits that the doctors were all wrong. This child is deeply deeply wanted and loved.

I'm just besides myself with guilt for giving her life when we aren't in any position to even give her a little space let alone provide for her.

DP works but it's not like that money goes very far and the tax credit we get are just pathetic. Where does the government draw it's figures from to make decisions on how much people need to live off?

OP posts:
madamez · 10/01/2008 17:33

I'm sorry you're in such a rotten situation and can only offer the following advice: could you scrape together enough money to put some of your stuff into one of the self-storage places for a few months? You can rent units/lockers of various sizes, you get the key to the unit and can go in and access your stuff/put more stuff in at any time, and it might feel less of a wrench than throwing it all away (might even prove cheaper than getting rid and having to replace it). If you live anywhere remotely urban or suburban there will be several such places nearby (Access, Shurguard, Big Yellow Storage, Safestore etc), get some quotes off them all.
Best of luck.

Twiglett · 10/01/2008 17:37

ok so in the meantime you need to be clever with the space you have

yes storage company is a great idea

ok you have a one bed maisonette .. so how many other rooms do you have? how big is the living space? kitchen? bathroom? hall?

a baby in a moses basket in your room for first 3 -4 months then a cot

can guitars be displayed on the wall?
how many amps does he really need

I don't think a one-bed place is unworkable for at least the first year tbh .. even 2 years ..

GrapefruitMoon · 10/01/2008 17:38

From a practical pov, once the baby is older could you give the baby your bedroom and you and your dp get a sofabed? Not ideal obviously but might work in the short-term?

Could you dp get more/different work for a few years to bring in more money, while you finish Uni and then if/when you get a decent job he could go back to what he is doing now?

Sorry I can't offer any more helpful advice - hats off to you for being determined to make it work - I don't think I could have coped with a baby either financially or emotionally when I was a student...

oranges · 10/01/2008 17:44

can you get a very high bed, to store stuff under?
Is there any space at uni for you to store stuff? Can any fellow musicians take an amp or two? Using the bedroom as a store and baby bed room is a very good idea, if you can sleep on a sofabed.
It will only be for a few years, then you will have a degree, a baby and a great future. Good luck!

GreatGooglyMoogly · 10/01/2008 17:49

Could any family/ friends store anything for you?

I would hope that you would be a fairly high priority for a 2-bed place with a baby on the way?

Much sympathy and good luck!

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 17:57

I'm not going to know if we have spare cash for renting storage space until the baby's here and I know how much we'll get in child tax credits. At the moment we barely make it from one end of the month to the other.

DP won't chang his job at the moment cause he doesn't want to loose his paid paternity leave (an I don't think I could cope if he wasn't going to spend the first few weeks with me) after that he does plan to go on a job hunt for better paid work but he's 42 so his age is against him and he has no qualifications (he discovered the guitar whilst he was at college and thought he'd become a rich rock star so he dropped out, silly sausage) so that doesn't help his chances. He has one thing in his favour, he's been a very loyal employee and in his 42 years he has only had 4 jobs and very little time unemployed so things aren't all bad in that department.

We can't get rid of any of the musical equipment because DP uses it all. He's reformed one of his old bands and they've rereleased all their old material. If the boxsets sell well they could be up for a recording deal for a new album so I'm afraid the chunky noise making lumps have to stay. And would be way to impractical to display the guitars, we'd still need to find a home for the flight cases anyway, so a good idea but it wouldn't work I'm afraid!

God I'm sorry this must sound like I'm being really dismissive.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:00

I think you're just overwhelmed by the unknown .. and before you have your first baby it is very unknown and you think you need all this stuff .. but actually you don't

you don't even need a separate cot as the baby can sleep in with you

I think you'll easily be able to make it work .. give it time and it'll just work out you know

you have a roof over your head and a bedroom .. it's fine

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:00

Oh I didn't say did I, DP is a musician but he does that in his spare time. He has a regular job too, it's just a minium wage thing so not ideal atm

OP posts:
nutcracker · 10/01/2008 18:00

Does anyone on the estate you are on have a garage that they don't really use ?? You could rent it from them cheaper than proper storage I should think.

mrsruffallo · 10/01/2008 18:01

This reply has been deleted

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Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:01

I am very very overwhelmed at the moment you're right!

OP posts:
Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:04

Mrsruffallo - you're a glimmer of hope!
we had considered swapping bedroom and livingroom round just couldn't see how it would fit

OP posts:
Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:04

but that's normal too .. being overwhelmed by it

if you can take a deep breath, do a little meditation (if you're of that ilk) and just let it all roll by

minimum planning and roll with the punches

(you might like to get 'three in a bed' out at the library .. good book)

mrsruffallo · 10/01/2008 18:05

Agree with Twiglett- it is v imp to be grateful you have somewhere to live and look on the bright side. I know it sounds trite but it's imp to stay positive at this life changing time

LIZS · 10/01/2008 18:05

Get a cheap cot 3/4 months down the line - Ikea do one slightly narrower than most should last 18 months or more - and see what comes up. Round here there is a HA who rent garages.

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:06

We're not on an estate, we live on a very long road of converted victorian terraces and our maisonette is an extension on the back of one of them. no one for miles has a garage!

Mom has taken as much of the stuff I couldn't bear to part with as her loft can handle and DP's parents a thick and don't understand besides they need their loft spce for the twenty tonnes of christmas decs they get out evry easter and christmas!

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 10/01/2008 18:08

Glad to be a glimmer of hope, you will look back and feel proud of how you coped!
I was looking at photos of me laying on bed in the living room watching TV- it was quite cosy come to think of it!
Don't worry- It will work out in the end!

NorthernLurker · 10/01/2008 18:10

Good luck - we only had one bedroom when dd1 was born - but we did have a box room! Now we have three dd's - and dd3 is in with us till we can move - we are lucky enough to have a decent size bedroom so have got space for a cot and her clothes live in drawers in the bathroom which is also a v good size - without that we'd be sunk! The only practical suggestion i can make is Ikea cots - they are a bit smaller than standard but still big enough to do for a couple of years - we had one for dd2 and are using it now for dd3 - it fits into spaces an ordinary cot wouldn't!

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:11

I was doing really well.
I'd stopped getting anxious and worried and had drifted very nicely into excitement and being overwhelmed with joy instead and then I went and decided that it was time to sort stuff out which basically what's caused all this negativity.

I just don't want to be in this state when DP comes home from work! not a nice thing for him to come home to after a crap day is it

OP posts:
claraenglish · 10/01/2008 18:13

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Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:16

will look into an Ikea cot instead.
Gah! If only we had more spare cash. so much of our problem would be sorted if we could afford to get some better storage solutions what we have is all second hand stuff. It's beautiful and it's served us well when we only needed enough space for the two of us but inreality none of it does as good a job as some of the more modern stuff you can get from places like IKEA would

OP posts:
Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:17

you could think about selling your beautiful stuff and buy cheaper Ikea storage and then when you're back on your feet you can buy beautiful stuff again

Pk616 · 10/01/2008 18:18

I have considered co-sleeping, largely because it would be so much better for breast feeding and I thing the baby would like the closeness, but the idea of one of us rolling over and smothering the LO terrifies me.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 10/01/2008 18:20

PK616-Have you joined your local freecycle? You can find almost anything there!
Just request an Ikea cot and see if anyone has one!

Twiglett · 10/01/2008 18:20

you won't PK .. as long as you don't drink / do drugs

seriously you won't

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