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Your views on christenings please.......

38 replies

happymummy1 · 20/11/2004 14:34

We really want to get our ds christened.We also wanted him to be christened at the church that we got married in.
This is all fine but the church only offers a Baptism or a thanksgiving service.
My dh and i do not go to church regularly but our vicar says that if we have him baptised we should go to church regularly and some of the words that we would have to say are really religious.The thanksgiving service is very nice and we would still be saying thankyou for our beautiful son it's just not as religious.
I really do'nt know what to do,i do'nt want to feel like a hippocrit and say things that i don't mean, help what would you do????

OP posts:
Flum · 29/11/2004 13:48

I am very interested to read this as we are/were planning to have our daughter christened just because dp thinks its nice and traditional.

I am not religious at all and feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Have been to church a bit recently to get the gist of what it is all about but it all sounds a bit mad to me.

We are getting married in church next year to and am very worried about that. Decided to read the bible so I would know what they were on about but God sounds pretty awful and angry from what I've read so far only done Old Testament so far. Can't really understand exactly how 'Christ' gets into peoples hearts. Just don't get it.

anyway mumble mumble blah blah. this thanksgiving thing sounds like a lovely happy medium. I am going to ask our priest if he will do that instead as I don't want to make promises I have no intention of keeping. I'm not a Christian but I'm not a liar either.

Does anyone know what 'Amen' actually means?

bakedpotato · 29/11/2004 14:00

we got married in church. dd was christened in one. i have no faith but equally have absolutely have no problem with celebrating/marking important events in church. somehow, for me, church (and the vocabulary you use there) goes beyond faith. it's to do with time and our place in it. there's a bit in P. Larkin's Church Going that nails it all for me.

....I wonder who
Will be the last, the very last, to seek
This place for what it was; one of the crew
That tap and jot and know what rood-lofts were?
Some ruin-bibber, randy for antique,
Or Christmas-addict, counting on a whiff
Of gown-and-bands and organ-pipes and myrrh?
Or will he be my representative,

Bored, uninformed, knowing the ghostly silt
Dispersed, yet tending to this cross of ground
Through suburb scrub because it held unspilt
So long and equably what since is found
Only in separation - marriage, and birth,
And death, and thoughts of these - for which was built
This special shell? For, though I've no idea
What this accoutred frowsty barn is worth,
It pleases me to stand in silence here;

A serious house on serious earth it is,
In whose blent air all our compulsions meet,
Are recognized, and robed as destinies.
And that much never can be obsolete,
Since someone will forever be surprising
A hunger in himself to be more serious,
And gravitating with it to this ground,
Which, he once heard, was proper to grow wise in,
If only that so many dead lie round.

galaxy · 29/11/2004 14:01

We had a thanksgiving service for dd and it was lovely. Don't think you can buy invites off the shelf so to speak, but I made mine on the PC, added a phoot of dd and printed them on greeting card paper(card)! which I bought from WH Smiths.

JulieF · 29/11/2004 22:52

Flum, read the new testament, basically God sent Christ to earth so that his death would be a sacrifice for the wrongdoings of the poeple. He is a forgiving God s did this but becasue He is perfect he can't allow sin to go unpunished so Christ takes the punishment for us.

Amen means something like so let it be.

JulieF · 29/11/2004 22:53

Or even better, if you want to learn what Christianity is all about join an Alpha course, they are being advertised all over the place now. Ask at your local church about them. Its a sort of introduction to Christianity course with lots of opportunities to question things.

bloss · 29/11/2004 23:44

Message withdrawn

mit · 30/11/2004 02:39

This is a very interesting thread - I think a lot of you are on the same wavelength as me! We recently had a Thanksgiving Service for DD (we called it a Blessing on the invitations (www.photobox.co.uk - lovely photo invites printed and deliverd to your door). I believe Amen means 'I agree' though I might be wrong. Gosh - very impressed you've read the OT - I'm still struggling with John - I'm so lazy, I do want to read it, just seem to constantly forget. Naughty me. I did a Christianity Explored course a couple of years ago but found it a bit overwhelming - I was the only person there who wasn't a committed Christian - and I'm still in a fledgling stage. I think I'll do another course soon.......
This post has gone totally off topic - think I just needed to write something to give me the enthusiasm to go and do a bit of Bible study. Right - enthusiasm mustered.
xx

fisil · 30/11/2004 07:45

happymummy - re invivtations, I don't think it matters what you write. We worded ours very carefully: "Fisil & Mr Fisil would like to invite you to help them to celebrate the safe arrival of their son..." But because it was in a church, loads of people turned up with "Happy Christening" cards & christening type gifts!

We went for a baby-welcoming service rather than a baptism. DP is strongly aetheist and I am a regular church going Christian. Both of us were brought up as Christian and both feel that each of us was able to make a considered decision about what to believe. Therefore we both agree that ds should be brought up a christian in order to give him the choice when he grows up about whether he wants to believe or not. We totally rewrote the thanksgiving service with our vicar (who was a good family friend) so that everyone of all beliefs or no belief would feel welcome and would be able to share our joy about ds. We made it very clear what our beliefs were and how we were intending to bring ds up.

We chose a fairy godmother (her job is to spoil ds) a godlessmother and The Godfather. They are a couple, who have similar beliefs to us (an aetheist & worshipping Christian) and whose job it is to make themselves available to answer ds' questions as he grows older and makes his own decision. I am really happy about the arrangement, and the role of all the godparents. Ds is not yet old enough to give us feedback!

I agree with sentiments people have expressed about the troops of groups turning up after the morning service to have a christening and party - people we've never seen before and are unlikely to see again. We hope to see them again - the vicar (now, sadly, left) used to have lots of little ploys to encourage them to come along on Sunday mornings and to join in the life of the church! But this is a difficult one for me as I don't believe in overt evangelising, but I do wish other people could share the kind of comfort and enjoyment that I get from my faith. Hmm, I'm going to spend the day contemplating all this now!

tallulah · 30/11/2004 22:52

bakedpotato, if everyone did the same as you there would be no pretty little church for the wedding photos and the christening party! The people who keep it open are those who turn up week in week out, and they are a dying breed.

lilibet · 30/11/2004 23:13

I am part of a 'baptism team' at my church - if anyone rings up the vicar wanting their baby baptised/christened, I go and visit them along with someone else. The purpose of these visits is two fold - it's so that when people come to church there is a freindly face there, who knows how crap it can be being in church with a baby who is screaming or a toddler who is having a tantrum and hopefully we can help a bit by telling them that there is a creche and toy bags at the back. But we also go through the promises that are made to God during the service, one of which is "will you pray for them, draw them by your example into the community of faith and walk with them in the way of Christ?" I personally think that this is a very hard vow to make for soemone who is a non church goer and that the service of Thanksgiving is a wonderful one for someone who wants to acknowledge God's part in the creation of their child and to say thanks to Him for what He has given them. I think that you have made the right decision and hope that you have a fantastic day welcomming your little one

Can I just add that in 11 years of visiting about 50/60 families per year, no one has ever not had their babies baptised after a visit from me! I never know if that is a good thing or not. Of those 600ish families around 10 were regular church goers before and I thnk that we have 2/3 new families attending church as a result of having their babies baptised. Most are brutally honest as to why they are having their babies 'done'- wanting a party, under pressure form grandparents, because they think they will have a better chance of getting in the church school and one because they beleived that once a baby was baptised it slept thru !!! A lot are also very honest about having no faith whatsoever - 'the only church I worship at serves pints', but the best response we have ever had came from one young mum, who on being told that " we just want you to have a fantastic day, and enjoy the service so hopefully you'll come back again and agian and again" looked at us in disbeleif and saif "I'm not having that many bloody kids"

janeybops · 30/11/2004 23:40

Read this thread with interest.

My DH and myself have decided not to christen/baptise our children. In fact we haven't even discussed it as we both 'know' that we wouldn't want it done.

This is despite my parents being regular chapel goers and also being involved in treasurer side of things. So heavily involved. My MIL is also religiuos but cannot go as she is a full time carer.

They have not pressurised us either. I think this is partly due to the upset we caused when we actively choose not to have a church wedding. There was a lot of pressure from both sides for us to get married in my parent's local chapel. We both felt this would be hypocritical becaus of our beliefs and stood our ground. Hence there hasn't even been a mention of us having them christened.

I think each set of parents should do what is right for them and not let family pressure you into it. I also agree about parents only getting christenings done so their kids can go to the local church school.

BTW _ don't get me started on church schools...

lilibet · 01/12/2004 12:47

the irony of it is you actually don't have to be baptised to get in to our local school

Waswondering · 01/12/2004 13:11

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