Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Your views on christenings please.......

38 replies

happymummy1 · 20/11/2004 14:34

We really want to get our ds christened.We also wanted him to be christened at the church that we got married in.
This is all fine but the church only offers a Baptism or a thanksgiving service.
My dh and i do not go to church regularly but our vicar says that if we have him baptised we should go to church regularly and some of the words that we would have to say are really religious.The thanksgiving service is very nice and we would still be saying thankyou for our beautiful son it's just not as religious.
I really do'nt know what to do,i do'nt want to feel like a hippocrit and say things that i don't mean, help what would you do????

OP posts:
Angeliz · 20/11/2004 14:38

We got our dd Christened but i was the same as you.
Didn't really want to be a hypocrite and knew i wasn't going to go to Church at all! However, for me and DP the Christening for us meant that she was welcomed in the eyes of God.
(I am NOT religious but beleive in higher forces, God?).
It just felt right for us, i think people do it for all different reasons.
Hope you have a lovely day whatever you decide

Original poster
happymummy1 · 20/11/2004 14:41

Thankyou,it is so hard to decide what to do,myself and dh are still thinking it over,i just want to celebrate his life that's all and to say thankyou for him.Sorry about spelling!!

OP posts:
JanH · 20/11/2004 14:45

The thanksgiving service sounds like a lovely and significant alternative to a religious baptism, hm - I think it's nice that your church offers it.

MarsLady · 20/11/2004 14:47

We had all of ours dedicated, which is a thanksgiving service. We decided that we want the children to make their own decisions later, but it was important for us to have them dedicated before God in Church.

Gobbledigook · 20/11/2004 14:50

HM1 - we've had our ds's baptised/christened too. We are not overly religious and don't go to church regularly (partly because I work freelance and often am working on weekends) though we do go at Easter, Christmas. Plus, we do both also believe in God and felt that we wanted to welcome our children 'in the eyes of God' so to speak, just as we felt our marriage should be.

If you believe in God then I don't think it would be hypocritical of you to have your children baptised just because you don't make it to church regularly. There is more to being a 'christian' than the routine of turning up every Sunday morning, but that's just my opinion.

HTH

lou33 · 20/11/2004 14:54

Thanksgiving sounds nice. I haven't had any of mine done though.

JanH · 20/11/2004 14:56

Me neither, lou!

lou33 · 20/11/2004 15:03

i think dd2 will want to be done when she is older though. She is trying to spread the word to us in her own way, and could be succeeding with ds2. He asked me who God was the other day. When I said some people believe in Gid, and some think he is an old man with a beard, he said very indignantly "no mum god is in our heart"

lou33 · 20/11/2004 15:04

btw, spacemonkey thinks it is the funniest thing, that dh and i would spawn religious children !

paolosgirl · 20/11/2004 15:09

I think that if you believe in God in whatever way, and you want your ds to be bought up with some sort of belief in God without going to church every week, then the Thanksgiving service sounds lovely, and probably far more meaningful to you and your dh. I'm probably quite old-fashioned, but a cousin of mine had their child christened in a hotel function room. It was a proper christening with a minister who was a friend of the family, not a blessing or thanksgiving, but I couldn't see the point as neither of them go to church, didn't get married in a church, and haven't been since. Again, though, it's personal choice. Hope you have a lovely day, all of you, whatever you decide.

Original poster
happymummy1 · 20/11/2004 21:23

Thankyou for all you're thoughts about this,i'll let you know what we decide to do!

OP posts:
CarrieG · 20/11/2004 21:29

I'd've liked a non-religious alternative ceremony (I'm atheist, dh is Buddhist) as a way of welcoming ds to the world!

We couldn't find anything that didn't look really naff (& would'nt've had my extended family muttering 'bloody hippies!') so we just left it in the end. Shame really...

Your vicar sounds quite sensible - Baptism is a promise to bring up your child in the church, so it's a bit of an undertaking if you're not really church-y people - I'd certainly feel totally hypocritical with something like that. The Thanksgiving service sounds like a lovely compromise?

tabitha · 20/11/2004 21:36

Is a Baptism different from a Christening? In our church (Church of Scotland) they have baptisms and I just assumed they were the same thing.
I had my eldest 3 christened/baptised but haven't decided what to do about the youngest (9months old). I want to get her christened but dh, who doesn't go to church, doesn't.
I thikn that if I were you happymummy, I would go for the thanksgiving service as you're still celebrating your son's birth in church in front of friends and family but you wouldn't feel hypocritial or awkward.

JulieF · 20/11/2004 23:22

A baptism is the same as a Christening.

We are having ds baptised in a couple of weeks. The minister heavily tried to convince us towards the thanksgiving but I found out he is a big beleiver in thanksgivings for babies, then baptism or confirmation once they are old enough to decide for themselves.

I think the thing to do is to read the services and see what you are going to be asked to promise. The baptism asks you to promise to bring up your child in the ways of the Christian religion and to follow Christ. The thanksgiving is you thanking God for the gift of your child.

Davros · 21/11/2004 08:09

Thanksgiving sounds like a nice compromise if you really want to do it.
Mine are not done as DH is Jewish (but only practices so far as supporting Spurs!) and I am unchristened myself and brought up as a "committed atheist", never done me no 'arm!

Ameriscot2004 · 21/11/2004 08:53

At our church, the families that opt for Thanksgiving rather than Baptism for their infants are those that are very spiritual and fundamental in their Christian beliefs. The idea is that the child will then take themselves to Baptism when they are old enough to make a commitment, often just prior to Confirmation.

I don't think I've ever seen any visiting families come for Thanksgiving - they usually go for Baptism, even though they may have no intentions of living out the promises they make.

tallulah · 21/11/2004 11:40

TBH it used to really wind me up seeing the regular parade of christening parties when I did go to church regularly. People who had never set foot in the church before & never planned to again using it for their own convenience to have a family party! They always had quite an attitude about them, like they were doing everyone a favour by turning up & expecting a sort of starring role, chatting through the sermon & not joining in the hymns. (not saying anyone on here is like this, but the people who used our local church certainly were- disrespectful is the word)

People use the argument of "you can be a Christian and not go to church" but actually if you read the doctrine it does say that part of the faith is to regularly attend collective worship. (The Church & me had a big falling out about 10 years ago, so I no longer go, and would no longer consider myself a Christian).

I kept my own children's christenings very low-key because so much emphasis always seemed to be "lets get this over so we can have a proper party". All of mine were baptised during the morning service & with the youngest (13 years ago) we had wine and cake in the church afterwards for all the congregation, not just our families.

Hope I haven't offended anyone with my ramblings but this is something I have always felt strongly about. People expect the church to be there & available on their terms but refuse to support it the rest of the year.

donnie · 21/11/2004 12:07

I tend to agree with you Tallulah.We are regular church goers out of choice and we are bringing our dd up in the Christian faith, therefore having her christened was very important to us. But we also quite often see large parties of people coming to christenings but showing no actual interest or regard for the church or what it means/has to offer.I accept that many people are christian or christian-ish( ie, a bit!) but don't /can't attend church regularly, but I feel if enough people adopt this attitude then eventually there will be no church at all.The church has GOT to be supported or else it will disintegrate - it's obvious.I don't really understand why non christians would want their children christened: the word itself is clear - making your child ' Christ-like' -and it bugs me when big parties swan into church and chat/laugh/text people all the way through a very important ceremony while people are supposed to be undertaking something momentous.If you want to take something from the church then why not be prepared to give something back? a bit like people pretending to be Christians so they can get their kids into a church school.Makes me cross!BTW what was your big falling out Tallulah, if you don't mind me asking????

Gobbledigook · 21/11/2004 12:56

Tallulah and Donnie - I completely agree and feel quite guilty about not getting to church more often. Maybe it sounds lame but honestly, for the last 3 years at least one of the kids has been napping around church time as ds1 was born 3.5 yrs ago and we now have ds2 and ds3 (12 wks). I also work freelance (to allow me to be a SAHM) which means often working weekends (like I am now!).

We are moving house shortly and will be in walking distance to our church so hope we can get there more often then.

I totally see your point but at the same time don't feel hypocritical about saying that I am a 'christian' and having my children baptised.

Ameriscot2004 · 21/11/2004 13:45

I think it is very hard to be a Christian and not have the will to worship regularly with other Christians. But then there is a season for everything, so who knows how it all works out in individual lives at any given time?

I really don't mind having non-Christian families present their infants for baptism. Our church strongly recommends that the parents attend a baptism course, and then to get involved in the life of the church while they are waiting for their date. Very few couples will refuse to do anything. Those that come to our women's groups, mother & toddler group, parenting course etc. often find that they like what they see (we are very normal and ultra friendly) and actually enjoy being part of our community. They enjoy the services (we have brilliant services with an excellent vicar and curate). A lot will disappear after the baptism, but often reappear a few years later - the seed that was sown is finally germinated - and they then end up getting really involved.

I've only ever seen one family that I considered rude - they all left (30 or 40 of them) after the baptism in the middle of the service! Most are polite and stand up/sit down at the right times. If anyone is not used to the evangelical wing of the Anglican church, the style of worship can take a bit of getting used to, so it's not surprising if they don't join in the songs.

tallulah · 21/11/2004 22:16

donnie, won't go into detail but suffice to say that two priests we had been very close to (one who married us & was my mentor from age 16-20, & the one we had when we moved here- went to his parties, saw him socially etc) both put away within a few years of each other for boy-related offences. Kind of shook my faith. There was a last straw to follow, but that alone was enough.

ladymuck · 21/11/2004 22:33

Happymummy1,

You're looking for a service which will commemorate and celebrate the safe arrival of your ds, and tbh it sounds as if either of them will do. This occasions is about being a celebration, and I wouldn't get too hung up on the promises etc. We had a dedication/thanksgiving, and unless your friends are keen churchgoers they probably won't notice the difference anyway. A God who is only interested in a baptismal certificate is probably not one that you would want to worship anyway

Enjoy your special day!

JulieF · 21/11/2004 22:48

I can sympathise with your feelings Tallulah (and what an awful thing to happen) but in a way I disagree with you. I have only just recently started to go to church (in the run up to ds's baptism as we also had some problems with the church we used to attend. I do feel that it is possible to be a Christian without attending church (though it is of course desirable to help you to grow) My definition of a Christian is someone who has accepted Christ into their lives, not someone who beleives in God in a general way or goes to Church every week.

CountessDracula · 21/11/2004 23:23

happymummy1, dh and I are not religious, we never go to church, we didn't get married in a church as we didn't feel that swearing our marriage vows to something we didn't really believe in was a very good thing!

Similarly, with dd we didn't have her christened. We had a lovely party for family and her nongodparents (I know lol) and it was a brilliant day, dh made a beautiful speech and dd enjoyed every minute of it too.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that if you are truly not religious (and I am not sure from your post whether you are or not) then you don't have to do the churchy thing at all. Ceremonies don't have to be religious to have meaning IMO

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a great time!

Original poster
happymummy1 · 29/11/2004 13:13

Thankyou all so much for all you're thoughts about it.We are going to go for the thanksgiving service,can you get invites for this?

OP posts: