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Original poster

Child Protection visit?!

28 replies

tiredmummy98 · 05/02/2022 20:19

Hi, I was assaulted while pregnant by the father of the baby. And I reported him to the police and pressed charges but I recently dropped the charges. All this happened around 2-3 weeks ago

I've now received a letter from a social worker from child protection services saying they want to visit me Monday and I'm really not sure why?!

Has anyone else gone through this?

OP posts:
1haudyerwheesht · 05/02/2022 20:21

They want to check that you and the baby are safe. You were assaulted by your partner so the likelihood of it happening again is high. Engage with them. They can help support you and the baby to have a safe environment.

JimmyShoo · 05/02/2022 20:23

Are you back together with him?

Original poster
tiredmummy98 · 05/02/2022 20:25

@JimmyShoo

Are you back together with him?
No, he's still on bail because he got arrested.
OP posts:
Parsley1234 · 05/02/2022 20:26

@tiredmummy98 are you likely to get back together with him

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/02/2022 20:26

You've withdrawn your support for a prosecution. That's the first warning sign that you aren't protecting yourself or your baby and that you may be considering resuming the relationship. That's the reason they are visiting.
Why did you withdraw your statement?

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2022 20:28

I’m sure you can think why?

You’re pregnant, vulnerable, have been assaulted and don’t want your attacker to face justice. That doesn’t speak to you being in a stable or safe place for you or your baby. You’re at risk, your child is at risk, they’re trying ti assess the level of risk.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 05/02/2022 20:28

They will want to assess if there are any concerns for your child’s safety. They will try and help if you need anything (eg referrals to domestic abuse services, parenting programmes, housing).

Original poster
tiredmummy98 · 05/02/2022 20:29

[quote Parsley1234]@tiredmummy98 are you likely to get back together with him[/quote]
No, he can be involved with the baby but I would never resume the relationship again after what he did.

OP posts:
roastingmichael · 05/02/2022 20:37

They'll want to know you and the baby are safe.
They'll likely talk about whether you're likely to resume the relationship.
Why you won't support the prosecution now. Is this because he's bullied or threatened you or because your resolve is wavering.
What are the future risks to your child.
What support do you have? Family, friends.

What you need to do is show them how you are keeping safe and how you'll do that when the baby is born.

If they ask you to engage with DV support or other help, do it.

roastingmichael · 05/02/2022 20:39

@tiredmummy98 think about how you think he can safely be involved.
He will likely try and exert control through your child.
Where will he see the baby. Who will supervise.
Ask the social worker who visits what their advice is.

Parsley1234 · 05/02/2022 20:43

You need to support the prosecution why won’t you ?

WonderfulYou · 05/02/2022 21:01

You've withdrawn your support for a prosecution. That's the first warning sign that you aren't protecting yourself or your baby and that you may be considering resuming the relationship. That's the reason they are visiting.

Absolutely this!

You dropped the charges which is a massive red flag and shows that you’re not taking it seriously which could result in your child being harmed.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 05/02/2022 21:47

He assaulted you and you are pregnant, so he also assaulted your baby.
Why have you withdrawn support for the charges? Why do you think he will be safe to be involved with your baby?
The social workers want to support you, and help you to keep yourself and your baby safe. Be open and honest with them and accept any help or support they offer. They are on your side.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 05/02/2022 21:48

Don't offer up your baby without a judge deeming him safe.

BonnieConnie · 05/02/2022 21:55

Withdrawing support for charges by a domestic partner against you screams ongoing DV. Social services want to know you and your baby are safe and that this man won't be in your life again.

CPS are the only ones able to bring or drop charges in the Uk.

Kitkat151 · 05/02/2022 22:05

They will be looking to making a decision around wether to complete a formal child and family assessment.....you have not shown that you have prioritised your child’s needs and put them first, as you have withdrawn your statement......this shows a lack of insight into protecting your child......If they see your partner as a threat you may be asked to sign a document stating no contact. They may want you to complete some work around DV and the impact on your child...... you need to engage with all services.....midwifery service will have been informed of the situation as will your health Visitor to be

liveforsummer · 06/02/2022 08:36

You dropped the charges which is a massive red flag and shows that you’re not taking it seriously which could result in your child being harmed.

This is word for word what I came to say, that along with the fact it sounds like you are willing to give full involvement without any questions about whether this is safe. He assaulted your baby too by assaulting you while pregnant. Please think about this a bit more carefully

AndTime · 06/02/2022 09:32

A massive percentage of domestic violence starts during pregnancy. The assault will not be a one off, if you get back with him it will escalate.

By withdrawing your statement you are sending out a message that you are forgiving him and they are worried that you will get back together and put your baby at risk.

Original poster
tiredmummy98 · 06/02/2022 09:40

@liveforsummer

You dropped the charges which is a massive red flag and shows that you’re not taking it seriously which could result in your child being harmed.

This is word for word what I came to say, that along with the fact it sounds like you are willing to give full involvement without any questions about whether this is safe. He assaulted your baby too by assaulting you while pregnant. Please think about this a bit more carefully

I dropped the charges because I can't handle the stress of going to court as he denied everything I said and made me out to be the abusive one so it would have been a huge fight. I've got heart problems & can't handle any sort of stress. I didnt drop the charges to get back with him.
OP posts:
BewareTheBeardedDragon · 06/02/2022 10:26

I can totally understand that, and it is undoubtedly stressful going to give evidence at court.

The main thing right now is to protect yourself and your baby and the SW want to help and support you to do this. Ime if you approach them in that spirit - seeing them as helpful positive supportive people then they will be that.

Trying to say that their victim is actually the abuser is a classic play, they all do it. It's called DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. I can highly recommend completing the Freedom Programme, preferably in person if there are any groups near you. The SW can help to direct you to support like this. I did a Womens Aid course in my town, and then on advice from my solicitor travelled out of my area to a nearby town where they had a Freedom Programme and it was really worth it and I am
So glad I did. It's really eye opening and helps
You to understand what has happened to you and to recognise the red flags to enable you to have a higher chance of avoiding this type of man in future.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 06/02/2022 10:29

It is worth considering that, while it is stressful
going through the court process, it will provide your baby with more protection long term if he is convicted. I'm not trying to pressure you, but it can be hard to think clearly and see the bigger picture when you're in the midst of trauma as you are now. Thanks

PotteringAlong · 06/02/2022 10:32

I dropped the charges because I can't handle the stress of going to court as he denied everything I said and made me out to be the abusive one so it would have been a huge fight.
I've got heart problems & can't handle any sort of stress. I didnt drop the charges to get back with him.

But social services don’t know that, which is why they want to visit.

SomePosters · 06/02/2022 10:38

I have been in your position

Just let them come and check you and your baby are ok

They came to check on me intermittently for about 6 months until they were sure I was keeping my child safe.

It felt horrible to be checked up on but it was reassuring to know that I couldn’t fall for his shit and welcome him back or I would lose my kid

Unfortunately far too many people do let them back and I think it’s for the best that they do check

ApolloandDaphne · 06/02/2022 10:42

They will want to check that you are safe and that you will be able to ensure the safety of your child once it is born. If they think that you will not be able to do this then they will put a plan in place to monitor and support you. Work with them and be honest about what you think you can and cannot do. Do not minimise anything.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/02/2022 10:45

They need to make sure that baby is safe. All the recent stories of parents neglecting their children/allowing them to be assaulted and worse should make it plainly obvious why they want to check up on you.

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