Dealing with DH working from home in a small house (long, sorry)

[GeorginaA]

This is part whine part hoping for some advice. I do appreciate this is a terribly minor problem, but hoping for some ideas on how to organise home life with minimal stress and upheaval as a result.

Some background:

Dh took his current job partly because of better pay but predominantly because it was only 5/10min drive from home. Having worked away for the previous year, only returning on weekends, that was the biggest bonus we could have and our quality of life has been excellent as a result. We really have been very lucky as a family - he can take ds1 to nursery in the morning and is home in time for a family dinner/bedtime routine in the evening. It's a small company too, so one of the great perks is flexibility - dh can pop out for half an hour to attend things (school visits & hospital appointments for example) without making a great impact on his day or the company.

Anyway, due to office problems, the job is now moving to 30 mins drive away. Again, I know this isn't terrible in the scheme of things, but it's a bit of a shock, especially factoring in extra fuel bills. The boss of the company isn't too keen on doing the travelling either - this is very much a move out of necessity.

What has been suggested is that they use the new office for meetings and those who want to work at home instead can do for at least some days in the week. Some weeks they could be in the office 3 out of 5 days... others they might not be in the office at all.

Now, dh has worked from home before (when ds1 was tiny) and also works freelance contracts in the evenings from home, so we know he is good at the discipline side of things - we know he can do it. I'm just trying to get my head around the logistics.

I know from last time, there was a danger for both of us to feel resentful - dh would resent me because I got to "play" with the baby while he worked, I got resenful because he got to sit at the computer in the other room while I had no respite from the baby. For the most part we dealt with it well, but I know that's a potential danger.

Secondly, last time we had a bigger house (long story involving redundancy, almost losing the house and having to move out of London) with the computers in the dining room which could be shut off. Plus ds1 was only little and not in a position to realise daddy was still at home but not able to play with him.

Now, our computers are in the living room with no room to shut him away in and ds1 is 3 and ds2 is 6 months. A much different scenario. Ds1 is at nursery in the morning which helps, but afternoons could be very chaotic. I don't want to be stepping around on tiptoe worrying about disturbing him, but at the same time I can see that we're going to be very distracting.

Does anyone else successfully deal with a similar working arrangement at home. Any tips/tricks/more things we should think about? Is this doomed to be a terribly bad idea?

Thanks for reading this far!

We've planning permission for the extension which gives us a bigger kitchen and two new rooms. Just need to find and afford a compentent builder

RobA and GeorginaA - I really admire you for trying to make this work. I work from home 2 days a week, both DS's (one aged 4, one 7mths) are at nursery those days. I was self-employed before I had kids so they sort of fitted in. But I really imagined when DS1 was born that he would be able to crawl round me or sit in the corner and amuse himself while I worked. Silly me! V. Quickly became aware that this would NOT work! Now my DH, who for the last 6 months has had a terrible 1.5 hr journey each way down the motorway to get to work, has the opportunity to become semi-freelance and work from home. Luckily DS1 starts school in Jan so we will only have to cope with DS2 three days a week (when he's not at nursery) and I am going to try and be out of the house for most of the time those days - my 'non-working' days. On my working days I guess we will be fighting over who uses the office. MY office!

Tips: Some of these will already have been mentioned:

1.Don't even think about doing it unless you have a separate room or can guarantee that you won't be working when the kids are in the house.

2. Make sure you can lock your papers/files away from sticky little hands!!

3. If your child has got to that endearing age when they answer the phone, either have a separate line for work (that they are forbidden to answer) or use a mobile.... unless your clients/colleagues want a 10 minute chat about the Fimbles (mine are quite used to it!)

4. If you have a laptop and it is feasible, perhaps you could spend some time working at the local library/gym/coffee shop? (or the pub?? What a good idea!) Not all the time but perhaps come to an arrangement with each other so that GeroginaA needn't feel she has to tiptoe round all the time. Perhaps you could have one of those whizzo gadgets that connects you to the internet via your mobile. Then you are truly able to work anywhere. (see how technical I am... 'one of those whizzo gadgets'... I have no idea what I'm talking about of course.)

5. Depending on what your job is, and I'm aware that this isn't always possible - could some of your work be done in the evening when kids are in bed, leaving you free some afternoons to play with them?

On the whole though I would say go for it. You WILL be able to make it work if you want. The benefits are huge, being able to see your kids for longer and so on. My DH is really looking forward to it, and so am I!

Good luck whatever you decide.

Thanks all - some great points made so far - particularly about setting boundarys/ground rules etc. Think we need to discuss that carefully before it starts. Also need to have a good talk to ds1 and explain that daddy can't be interrupted during those times (which I think will be tough on him).

As you said, Bozza - it looks like it's going to be a "try and see" approach. I wish that this had happened in 6 months time or so when we might have had the extension sorted (yeah right!) or at least have ds1 almost starting school.

Posts crossed wordsmith - some very good ideas/tips. I know our local McD's has broadband - can see dh living there some afternoons

No probs GeorginaA - glad to be able to help! I really think work-life balance is so important am I think parents who try to make this work deserve every encouragement. The more of us that do it, the more employers will have to adapt to accommodate it! But perhaps that's a completely different thread!

I haven't read the other messages but this is from personal experience.
DH often works from home (2-3 days a week sometimes) and part of it involves using a computer then 50% is mainly reading stuff, handwriting, or whatever he does. All this time he must spend with no interruptions ofcourse. i doon't know how much time does your DH need to use the computer for.
Luckly our computer is upstairs. DD knows daddy is working and doesn't interrupt (much!, when she does pay him a visit she's only there for a couple of minutes and understands daddy has work to do). Could you put the computer in your bedroom
(I understand you're short of space) and close the door whilst DH is working? Bribe the kids with the promise that daddy will take them out etc when he finishes work or just go out with them for most of the day. I usually take DD out when my DH works from home, even if only for 1/2 day it seems to help him. After all he needs to earn the money and I don't mind doing my best to ensure he has time/space/quiet to do it. Of course there are times when we both feel annoyed with each other (i.e. I need to vacuum but don't want to make a lot of noise etc).
I also work from home but it's part-time and doesn't bring a lot of money to be truthfull so i do all my work in the evenings when DD is in bed and DH watches TV. It takes longer because if I need to make a phonecall I have to phone up the next day as noen else is working at 11PM but it's not bad really. And constant interruptions from DD during the day (even if DH was to look after her) would drive me mad.
Also, try and be nice to DH (bring him cups of coffee, a sandwich etc) if you think he might resent the fact that you might (God forbid!) be having lots of fun with the kids whilst he's working away.
Good luck and trust me it does work out somehow and saves you all a lot of money so it's deffinetly worth it!

Hmmm, just read the other posts. BTW, DH doesn't do anything around the house or help with DD when he's working from home as he is actually doing the hours he's supposed to during 9-5 or whatever. But still, it's nice to have him around and if I need him to help out with something he would. Now I wonder how much time he spends playing games on the computer??!!

Yes Branster. I'm supposed to be working now but am actually on MN! BUT IME that's what office-based bods do as well

Roba: "find and afford a compentent builder"

Probably impossible....

Extensions are all roughly the same price-wise - work it out at around £1,000 per sqaure metre, plus VAT.

When I am (South-West) there is a waiting list of around 18 months - 2 years for builders for this sort of work (I'm waiting myself!).

Sounds like the pluses come out on top. When does your DS start school - is it September or January? Rob it seems sad that you are unable to be flexible just because you are a man. Although it sounds like you are fully intending to be flexible but just not visibly so in the office. How much do you tend to get out and about in the day anyway Georgina?

Thanks for the rule of thumb! That makes all our quotes not over-priced at least...

Scary innit, the price they charge... I discussed this with a builder friend and he said it was mainly because there is such a shortage of qualified builders around. He's very happy because his salary goes up by 20% a year ...!

I use a competent builder, can recommend him. OK if you live in Stourbridge! (Or anywhere else in the Black Countraaaaaayy!)

Bozza - September. I think he's ready for it, tbh. He gets very upset when it's time to come home from nursery (he goes 5 mornings a week and would happily go full time I think), so I don't think there's much point to delaying until January.

I don't think I go out that much. Nursery run of course, Monday is a baby music class for ds2, Tuesday is Tumbletots (for both of them from January) and Thursday I go to a M&B/T group. Will try to make more of an effort to go out at least once a day once this starts I think.

We're in Worcester, wordsmith.

Its not too long until September then is it? Know what you mean about being ready for it though. DS is desperate to go.

Hmmmm.. only 20 mins from Stourbridge! Still don't know if he's want to travel that far though - as mp says, builders are in such short supply they can pick & choose. Still if you get stuck CAT me and I will give you his contact details. Better still I have friends in Worcester who recently had a conservatory built. Could ask them for their builder if you want....

There is a small problem with going out with the kids for longer periods of time at once GeorginaA : it's often not free, especially if the weather is bad. So make sure the money you earn from DH's savings not going into the office, doesn't all go out on kids activities, otherwise it defeats the object. In our case, I think I must be spending at least £20/week just taking DD out of the house , even more probably if you add small purchases like crisps, juice, traets, magazines, all this sort of rubbish, although I'm very organised and bring everything with me but it just happens. Then the prices for various activities on top of that (like Tumble Tots which yopu pay in advance)Also if you meet up friends just for a coffee with the kids (let alone lunch) with 2 children and yourself that's going to be at least £3-5 if not more if you add petrol, parking ticket, bus fare etc. I don't know, but I never manage to make all these things financially stress free, whatever I do. Hopefully you're better than me at this sort of things...

wordsmith - ta, dh has sent you a CAT

Branster: yes, am realising that Did a quick sketch of my "usual" routine during the week too, and I'm amazed I get the time to get out as it is - was quite surprising how little time there was in between ds2's sleeps and feeds (although I appreciate I can feed him while out, we're just weaning so it's less hassle to feed from home cos I'm lazy).

On reflection, I think it is going to be hard, but might be doable. Especially if we do get this extension sorted (it's easier to be holed up in a cramped bedroom if you know it's just for the short term).

it will all work out GeorginaA. and I don't see a problem with working in a bedroom. most 'office' rooms within a normal household are tiny really anyway, it's just the idea of it, but in practical terms you only need a small area (besides the bed makes for a good base for spreading out lots of papers and in doing so it makes it look like there is a lot of work happening there when in fact DH might just be spending time on the internet!)

i too preffer feeding DD at home (especially when she was younger), it's less stressfull and I found she ate better at home, plus I don't spend money on buying something for myself just to occupy a table somewhere.

good luck!