DH eats a pear like a chicken leg. What irrational things really really really

[Twiglett]

wind you up?

How else would you eat it?

break off stalk, eat from top down

not hold it like a chicken leg and eat round and round

that way madness lies

and anyway it's wrong

My dh licks every feckin finger!!

He has a slice of pizza.. Ok, maybe a finger & a thumb has some tomato sauce on.. or he eats some greasy chicken... again, not every finger will be greasy.. but oh my god... he licks/sucks every bloody finger with a great big smack of his lips... I'm sure he didn't do it before I married him, as this would have been a deal breaker for me!

Oh god, you're going to be sorry you asked this question.

Someone hanging the loo roll the wrong way round (in my house OR in theirs )
chomping
cushions laying flat instead of slightly angled.
tins not grouped together by contents.
people sniffing.
picking fingernails.
talking to me when I'm on the phone, on the computer, reading a book.......
folks expecting me to find things that they can't be arsed to look for.

This is page one of my 5000 pages of peeves.

oh and dh laughs all the time. WTF is that about? "How are you? hurhurhur" "Is that a new rug? hurhurhur" "I like the blue for the bathroom, hurhurhur"

I SWEAR TO GOD one day I will cave his head in with a shovel.

hurhurhur.

It must go UNDER, of course.

tins not grouped together by contents?

Please explain.....

ROFL at hekate .. oh I recognise that feeling (shovel meet head)

you're wrong about the loo paper though .. it patently has to be on top otherwise dirty fingers scrabble at the piece that is left on the roll, ie the piece the next person will use

DH makes odd grunting noises and barking noises every so often .. wtf is that about .. stop it ..just don't do it

my dh does this weird fake yawn when he's feeling a bit uncomfortable or awkward. I used to think it was cute, now it drives me NUTS.

PMSL @ the HURHURHUR!!

I just read that bit out to dh too... I could hardly read it for laughing!

DH always tries to start a conversation with me when I am on the phone and cannot wait the 5 minutes til I have finished and expects me to know where everything is immediately - even things he had last WTF

If mine doesn't find something funny, but doesn't want to look like the only one in a group not laughing, he will do this weirdy silent laugh thing where he screws his face up, opens his mouth & pretends to laugh

Hekate you are funny

There is a woman I cross at a toddler type group who SNORTS.

Not a teensy leetly sniff, but a true

SSSGGGGHGHHHHHUUUURRRRRKKKKKKK

Folk swivel their heads in horror and say shit! where's the rhino?

She also bashes her nose in with a tissue when she has snorted.

I have many friends wot say 'could of' and the like. I have, so far, allowed them to live, but by Christ it's a struggle.

Reading out articles from the paper. Endlessly. Not even ones I am interested in.

Leaving all radios in the house on simulataneously playing Radio 4, with a time delay for the DAB.

And trying to kiss me after eating something revolting. Like olives, smelly crisps, anything else I don't like. Urgh. I just send him to brush his teeth now but I still feel

My DH has a really irritating way of blowing his nose. He does one long blow followed by six short ones. Always, alway one long, six short. Paaaaarp pap pap pap pap pap pap. God, it's annoying!

I cannot stop laughing at the 'hurhurhurs'

Funniest thing I've read in a long time

When DH moves from doing one thing to another like from sitting to standing or from staring idly at the washing up mountain to doing something about it, he always claps his hands together with gusto and booms "Right!". Stop it. Now. You are not at the theatre. You do not need to clap.

Oooh, ooh, I've thought of more! He always says he's going to have 'cereals' for breakfast instead of 'cereal'. Gives the impression he's going to have cornflakes and Weetabix and Rice Krispies instead of just one. Plus when he's eaten said 'cereals' he tips the dish up to pour the last drop of milk out onto his spoon.

My XH used to always always clear his throat before speaking once he had a few drinks.

'fancy another drink?'
'what's on the telly tonight?

Really used to grate!

DH never looks for things properly and panics when he can't find things, he just doesn't even try, just shouts me for help.

He also leaves his keys all over the place and then panics when he can't find them.

Whenever I buy new shoes/boots DH ALWAYS says "More boots/shoes, you'll have to throw another pair away..." I wouldn't mind if I was bloomin Imelda Marcos, I am v low maintenance!

The IL's waiting until their mouths are full of food and then striking up a conversation, bloody disgusting.

fire - all the beans together in a line, all the tomatoes, all the soup etc etc, all coming forward like little queues, waiting to be eaten.