Does anyone else think boys get a hard time??

[SoupDragon]

Following on from the daggers at school thread, I'm quietly fuming that boys get such a hard time about their toys and how they play.

Yes, I do believe that, as a sweeping generalisation, "boys will be boys" and play with toy weapons and keep play fighting etc just as girls will be girls and play at princesses, fairies and with dolls. There are exceptions like the boy who plays with My Little Pony and the girl (like me) who preferred Action Man to Syndy. No one keeps trying to stop girls playing girly games and tell them to stop being so girly do they? Why should boys always come up for a lot of stick for wanting to play boys games?

Does playing with baby dolls mean a girl is more likely to become pregnant as a teenager? I bet you could prove it to be statistically true - after all, the teenage pregnancy rate has increased as has the sale of realistic baby dolls. Should we stop our daughters playing with them?

I'm not saying that boys should be allowed to take weapons into school but only because home toys shouldn't be taken into school/nursery. Girls shouldn't take their toys in either.

handlemecarefuly, I didn't actually say that men were disadvantaged as adults! I wasn't really talking about remuneration or justice but more about available careers/ lifestyle choices. Men have less real choice in these defining things than women due to social pressure.

Women may have a harder time getting to where they do, and they may not be fairly remunerated, but there are very few jobs/things that a woman can't do due to social stigma these days. I could join the army, drive a train or be an engineer if I want and most other womens attitude would be good-on-you.

For men to be a nurse, hairdresser, midwife or stay at home dad, they are likely to be ridiculed by their mates. So, less overall choice for men (except the brave ones).

I hadn't intended adding anything else to this discussion but after reading some of the things that have been said, I really felt that I had to say something.
When I made my original comments, I had intended to 'foster an interesting debate' (thought that was what mumsnet was for after all) but obviously this is one of these threads where the only opinions that are welcome are those that agree with the original poster.
What I meant in my original post was that I feel that 'naughty' behaviour is more tolerated in boys and in my experience (and since I'm not an anthropologist or gender pshychologist, myexperience is all that I can go on)there are a substantial number of mothers of boys who are prepared to condone 'naughty' or even 'bad' behaviour in sons - maybe mothers of daughters do it to, I don't know.
Obviously boisterous play is at one end of the spectrum and rape is far, far away at the other end and I used this as a very extreme example. In no way was I suggesting that lively little boys will become rapists or that the vast majority of mothers of boys would condone such behaviour. as for this example 'sexualising little boys', I'm actually quite shocked that someone could think that this is what I meant. Nothing could be further from the truth. As I've said before, I'm sorry if I have offended anyone but I stand by my original poist of view that I don't really think boys have a hard time.
Anyway, I'm going to bow out gracefully from this thread and from now on stick to less contentious issues like politics, religion and 4 x 4s.
Finally, thanks for asking about our time away handlemecarefully, sadly it was a bit of a disaster. WE had to come home early after getting a phone call saying ds had broken his collar bone while fighting with his sister, but hey 'boys will be boys'

Fair enough point Barbaloot - however women who want to be a professional footballer (and I am not being facetious, I know somebody in this situation) can't quite get the sort of top flight career that men can....and I recently read about a firewoman who left the service because of chauvinism and constant belittling by her male colleagues....so I think there are still plenty of gender issues / social stigma narrowing down the options for girls and women

Tabitha,

I did think that you got a bit of an unfair mauling tbh....

tabitha, I'm sorry if I was a bit heavy handed, i didn't like what you said about mothers excusing such dramatic things, but the way you've phrased this last post makes sense. I genuinly do wonder though if women are more likely to defend their sons, or if these women would defend their offspring to rediculous lengths regardless of gender.

My aunt has rediculously babied my cousin, I wonder if she would have done as much if he was a girl. He's getting married next month and she still changes his bed & does is laundry. And women complain when their husbands don't help around the house.
finally tabitha, hope your ds is ok, sorry to hear about his accident

mothers certainly have a lot to answer for, however when my 2 lads get girlfriends ( or boyriends whatever floats their boat) i will make a point of telling each one in turn that my son knows where the sink is and how to use it where the ironing board is and how to use it - where the cooker is and how to use it as well as i do which when said partner tastes my cooking will then have a fuller knolwdge of my sons housewifery limitations.

boys and girls are loud in my house in fact my girl has an almighty gob on her can fight her twin like a good un and beat the crap outta him everytime.

the premiss that children should be seen and not heard is bollox. children should be well mannered whilst they climb high trees, shoot each other rapid gun fire stylee with twigs and dance and sing and tidy up. children are not children for very long where did the fun go - i think it went with gina ford and the "science" of parenting with every game being educational and every conversation with your mum friends having undertones of mine is better than yours

some mums just like the idea of being up their own arse and thats that - whilst i would rather annoy the neighbours singing avril lavigne with my dd, reading terry pratchet to my ds2 and today talking about STD's condoms and sex ed being boring at school with my 15 year old who had my crying laughing with the catholic sex after mariage ethos being taught in his catholic school. but dd likes singing with me, ds2 likes listening to me read, ds1 feels comfy laughing about sex with me - thats cos my children can be loud and well mannered and fun loving. and any mums that tut - i secretly pity cos my family is fab

When I was diagnosed with placenta praevia and discovered my unborn child was a boy at the same time (about 12 weeks), a midwife said, "See, a boy causing trouble already." I felt so incredibly pissed off. FFS, he was FOETUS! The placenta praevia was MY medical condition! Is this the earliest any actual boy has been stereotyped, I wonder?
My son is actually pretty gentle and quiet (partly because he is behind in his coordination and motor planning, I suspect) and loves books, but none of that makes him 'better' than his peers. In fact, I wish he could run around with more confidence and bravura.

'boys will be boys' mentality is a very dangerous one as it is often used by over-indulgent mothers of sons to excuse any kind of unacceptable behaviour in their boys,from bullying to vandalism to rape'

That's what you said at the time, tabitha. But I cetainly agree with you that it's not what you meant.

Just for the record, a friend of mine (mother of girls) once used the link between boys bad behaviour and rape in conversation with me. I found it and still find it disturbing and offensive that any parent could make that link when talking about young children.