Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

at what stage should / does peer pressure override your desires for your child

35 replies

Twiglett · 29/11/2007 17:42

was talking to a friend .. her year 3 child's friends have started a DS Lite club .. she is against her DS having a gaming machine (much as I am)

the children aren't allowed to take their DS Lites into school of course but their club was becoming exclusive and friend's child was upset until she convinced him to be the imaginator and make up all the 'computer' games they pretend to play in school

I was impressed by her stance but it just made me ponder at what stage should we buckle under to the peer pressure our children are under to help them .. if ever?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twiglett · 29/11/2007 17:48

so we don't discuss parenting any more?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twiglett · 29/11/2007 18:12

patently not

what was I thinking?

OP posts:
Niecie · 29/11/2007 18:16

I don't know. DS1 is in Yr 3 and doesn't seem to be under pressure to conform to friends yet. Having said that he plays games like Transformers that he has never seen at home but he hasn't got to the point where he says he wants one just because the others have one.

Niecie · 29/11/2007 18:17

Must admit I am not looking forward to it though but at the same time you need them to broaden their outlook and not solely to be influenced by their parents.

You just have to hope they are influenced by people you like!

Doodledootoo · 29/11/2007 18:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Twiglett · 29/11/2007 18:27

I know when it starts, although to be fair in DS year 2 there are the football kids and the 'it' kids (as in playing it) and they swap and change

but when do we, as parents, start to cave in to their peer pressure? .. if ever?

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 29/11/2007 18:27

My dd is in Year 1 and I would bbe horriefied if she thought that anyone who does not conform needs to be ignored. That is certainly not the case for her although she does want to dress fashionably.

newgirl · 29/11/2007 18:30

only have experience of year 1 so not qualified to comment yet

but might anyway!

i think computer games are dull dull dull so i really hope my dd's come up with something more imaginative to do with their time

Original poster
Twiglett · 29/11/2007 18:34

but if she doesn't?

if she starts saying "why can't I have a gameboy / ds lite / playstation because all my friends have one" .. and then you realise that all her friends do indeed have one .. what then?

(purely speculative questioning of course)

OP posts:
Tamum · 29/11/2007 18:35

I don't think I would give in to things fuelled purely by peer pressure but often, in the case of things like DS Lites, I know that they are going to derive genuine enjoyment from them. In that case I would get it for the next birthday or Christmas or whatever. I don't feel strongly enough about many things to prefer my children to be social outcasts for ever, but I will certainly wait until I think they're old enough. Ds didn't have a Gameboy until he was 9 for that reason.

MrsWobble · 29/11/2007 18:36

I think you need to work out what your objections to whatever the thing in question is and decide how strongly you feel about it. It ought to be possible to allow your children to join in with their peers without unduly compromising your values i think. I speak as a child that grew up without a television for quite a long time because my parents never felt the need to watch one rather than any inherent objection to it. I didn't miss watching tv (you don't miss what you never had) but it was isolating in the playground when others were discussing programmes. I wouldn't want to put my children in that position but at the same time there are programmes i don't let them watch because i don't think they're suitable.

Doodledootoo · 29/11/2007 18:37

Message withdrawn

needmorecoffee · 29/11/2007 18:38

When we were teenagers we wanted to be like our mates and it is a big deal even if we, as adults think its all shallow/silly.
If its not harmful then why not respect your child's decsiions or desires?
I hate peer pressure but I also don't want my child to stand out - think that lad in 'About a Boy'.
It also helps to discuss it with your child so they know their views are being listenend too and there does come a stage where what their mates think is more important than what you, their parents think.

Niecie · 29/11/2007 18:39

Depends how much you care about whatever it is that they are asking for. If you would have got one in due course anyway then maybe cave in. If it is something you would never agree to then make a stand.

However, I do think you have to pick your fights and not say 'no' to absolutely everything. I think that would lead to too much discord at home and your DC being left out at school. An unhappy situation all round.

Children do like to fit in and I suppose as they grow up it is less a case of fitting in with us and trying to please their parents and more a case of fitting in with their peers. It would perhaps be unwise to stop that.

evenhope · 29/11/2007 18:40

We never bought into this. The year everyone was fighting in the shops for the last Tracey Island it went right over our kids heads.

We allowed the Pokemon card collecting because it was cheap but we haven't joined any other crazes until they were old enough to buy the article themselves.

You are the parent. You decide whether the importance of the craze to your child exceeds your disapproval and act accordingly.

Hulababy · 29/11/2007 18:48

Have no problem with computer games and consoles. Never had. Nothing to do with peer pressure there.

I won't give in to Bratz dolls though.

twinsetandpearls · 29/11/2007 18:54

I gave in to Bratz dolls although I don't think it was peer pressure she just really wanted one.

Hulababy · 29/11/2007 18:57

Fortunately DD thinks Bratz are ugly too. A couple of her friends have asked her when here if she has them, and I always say no, we don't like them TBH though if she was bought one as a gift, it would stay.

Original poster
Twiglett · 29/11/2007 18:57

well it doesn't have to be computer consoles

we all have our 'things' that we feel are inappropriate for our children but that other children get / have (I have a whole long list)

I am able to say no now .. DS is nearly 7 .. I am just wondering at what stage I will feel it is more important for him not to be excluded from a peer pleasure than for me to instill my judgements

I'm thinking 9 or 10 like tamum says .. but am noticing more and more intrinsic pressure with regards to other parents justifying their children having / doing things

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 29/11/2007 18:59

I dunno, mine are still young enough to be bullied by me

wardrobemistressakasugarfree · 29/11/2007 19:02

Depends how strongly you feel about the 'whatever' I suppose.
DS1 is 14 next week and I still haven't given in on the TVs in bedrooms issue,and have no plans to do so.

pointydog · 29/11/2007 19:09

I really cannot see why some parents bother banning certain games and toys. No argument has ever convinced me.

I know parents of 8 year olds who still steadfastly forbid certain toys. Some children will, rather miserably, go along with their parents on such issues. Some will rebel strongly. So there is no age.

Niecie · 29/11/2007 19:23

I agree Pointydog so long as it isn't violent, dangerous or harmful I would probably go along with it although obviously some things I am less keen on than other.

But children are their own people who have their own tastes. Just because I don't like something that doesn't mean they shouldn't have it.

However, some things they won't ever have such as tellies, games consoles, DVD players or computers in their room. That is because they fall into the harmful category. DS1 has a games console but it is in the dining room where we can keep an eye on him so he doesn't play more than a few hours over the weekend.

I am prepared to admit that might be hard by the time they are 14 but as I said, if you pick your battles and you can justify yourself and not just blanket ban things then the children can't complain too much and are less likely to give you a hard time over it.

cazboldy · 29/11/2007 19:26

i think that you are either the kind of person that feels the need to follow the crowd, or not.
not a lot you can do to change it.

newgirl · 30/11/2007 12:41

to answer twig i would probably say 'those are pretty boring why dont we go swimming/park instead'

im too tight to buy that stuff anyway