at what stage should / does peer pressure override your desires for your child

[Twiglett]

was talking to a friend .. her year 3 child's friends have started a DS Lite club .. she is against her DS having a gaming machine (much as I am)

the children aren't allowed to take their DS Lites into school of course but their club was becoming exclusive and friend's child was upset until she convinced him to be the imaginator and make up all the 'computer' games they pretend to play in school

I was impressed by her stance but it just made me ponder at what stage should we buckle under to the peer pressure our children are under to help them .. if ever?

I kind of have the opposite dilemma - DS1 seems utterly unaware of his peer group - he has no interest in football, is happy to wear Clarks' trainers and clothes I buy for him, wouldn't know what a Nintendo was if I asked him, is happy to have short hair whilst all around are growing theirs - and I wonder if I should be making some kind of effort to trendify him up? He's in Year 4.

Why does him wanting a DS have to be down to peer pressure? Why couldn't it be just that he wants one because they are good fun?

Mind you Yr3 is quite early I suppose. DS#1 is getting one for christmas and he's 10.

why are computer games considered harmful by some people? I love them and I love the huge amount of learning that takes place with them. My kids have learned to spell, do maths, use strategy and think ahead in a way books just don't do. And they are huge amounts of fun.
Children know they aren't real. Even children's 'natural' games contain violence. Think cowboys and Indians, chasing games.
My kids don't have these things in their rooms though, but thats cos we can only afford one TV and one computer. But I wouldn't see any more harm in that than disappearing to their rooms for hours with a book. Funny how books = good, computer games = bad in many people's minds.

I don't think computer games are bad .. I think DS is too young for a DS Lite / Gameboy at 6 (although some of his friends' parents don't)

He happily plays on computer website games in his limited allowance of time

some of his friends zone out for hours on them ...

I think there was a recent study finding that the more kids play computer games the less they read, it was a direct cause & effect relationship. I think I see it being true for DS. That said, the more detailed strategy games have encouraged DS to read, too.

I think you risk socially isolating them if you don't let them follow some social trends. Explain it clearly why you don't like something, what your principles and compelling reasons are, if you have to say no or want to discourage them. They will often respect good reasons.

I think it would be hard to know that was a case of cause and effect. If you stopped them playing computer games, would those kids necessarily read?

I'd try to encourage DS to be a bit derisive about peer pressure and following the herd, but would also pick my battles. And given the general state of household finances, 'we can't afford it' will be the default reason why he can't have certain things. Because a lot of the time that will probably be the real reason.
Disclaimer: DS is 3 right now so I haven't had to deal with any of it yet and f* knows what horrors 'all the other kids' will be into by the time he's old enough to care.

[Apologies for slight hijack] Has anyone read Everything Bad Is Good For You? The chapter on computer games versus reading books had a quite interesting hypothetical bit about if computer games hadcome first, what scare stories would be put about with regard to reading ('it's solitary! It's not engaging them visually!')

My kids read and play computer games. In the last week ds2 (12) has read 3 Terry Pratchetts, 'Shopped' (book about supermarkets), Vegan Freak, Midsummers Night Dream (story rather than play) and 'Dragons of Autumn Twilight'. All adult books. He's also played World of Warcraft online and some game called Crysis that I'd like to play but don't get a chance . Its always been this way. unlimited reading and computer games, none has blocked out the other.
I've never understood why some people limit computer games to one hour or somesuch. The same people would never limit reading. 'Just one hour with Tolstoy for you my boy!'
When they were 6 or so I did the limit thing and got fed up with the fights and arguments so I made all consoles and PC games unlimited and stopped setting rules that I wouldn't obey myself. Sure, for the first few weeks they did nothing but play play play but they very quickly regulated themselves and shared failry (which made my jaw drop). So you then get situations where one is doing an 'incident' with other online players and his turn overruns the other says ok, and goes back to reading because they know the favour will be returned if they get involved in something longer. We only have the one PC for games and this one for internet. We have a Wii which is collecting dust cos this WoW is the latest passion and a PSP2 upstairs which hasn't been used in 9 months.
Computer games are not evil or soul destorying.