Rude Relatives

[paulaplumpbottom]

My BIL and SIL are always late for everything. I don't mean 10 or 15 minutes, its more like 30 or 45 minutes. Last Thanksgiving they held up dinner for an hour.

Anyway dinner is a 7 on Thursday and she has just called to say they won't be there till 7:45. I am tempted to tell them not to bother. After I have spent all day cooking and setting a beautiful table, surely the least they can do is be on time. Its also in the middle of the week and I don't want to keep the other 14 guest waiting just for them as I know everone has to work the next day.

Would I be right to tell them not to come if they can't be on time?

Can you tell them that dinner is at 7, but you'll save them some dessert?

I think it depends on why they will be late. At least this time they have given you notice. Perhaps next time they are late without warning just don't bother waiting for them. My Mum and Dads friends are always late and because they are so fond of them they just tell them that things are happening an hour before they actually are.

I hate it when people are late as well - it's really arrogant and shows a lack of respect for your time.

That said, 7pm is a little early during the week - and she is doing you the courtesy of letting you know now. Has she told you why they are going to be late? Maybe it's hard for them to get to you in time because they are working late/need time to get changed, etc?

Can you not delay the start of your meal a little? Surely you wouldn't have been sitting down on the stroke of 7 anyway?

Or failing that, tell her that they can join you when they arrive, but they may miss their starter! (Although I do think that's a bit rude/inhospitable)

As they've let you know several days in advance, can't you just arrange to have dinner 45 minutes later? It's not hours.

Mildly annoying, but I wouldn't go as far as to tell them not to come.

Do you know the reason they are late? It might be something they really can't miss but have rearranged everything to get to your dinner albeit late.

My auntie used to be up to 3 hours late for family events - now that was irritating.

We just used to tell her it started a coupleof hours before it did. IF you know they are always late why not do similar?

I don't want to delay dinner by an hour because that means it not being over till 11 or 12. Thats not fair on the kids ( At least I don't feel it is) or on anyone else who has to work the next day.

She said they would be late because a friend of hers is popping by.

I guess we just wait. I don't think they will be invited again for Thanksgiving. They make it to stressful

Well if she's fitting in another social engagement, then I would just start your meal at the time you planned to, and they can join in when they get there - if they miss the main course then that's their lookout!

oh if they have a mate over. Tell tehm you'll keep them some food in the oven.

(sorry am used to family having very good reason why late)

tell them to forget coming over if they cannot proritise you !b

No its always like that with them. She doesn't like our family very much and goes out of her way to make sure we know it. I don't know why he lets her get away with it. He used to be the nicest guy.

Can't the friend come another day?

Surely Thanksgiving just happens once a year, she can see her friend any old time!

I think you're being really lovely asking them to take part in your celebration, the least they can do is make sure they are on time!

How do you think they would like it if you said you would all go ahead & start dinner & they can get theirs when they arrive?

Or, if BIL is approachable, call him & explain why you want it at 7pm & not 7.45.

Then call her back and say..surely you'd like to spend a decent amount of time with your friend..therefore we won't hold you to the dinner arrangement and will let you ook for her/him/them at yours.

Now that is rude. Being late because of work etc is OK, but not because she has a friend 'popping' over.

I'd say 'oh, don't worry, you're obviously busy, let's do it another night' and continue with my plans for the other guests.

In that case i'd let her know that dinner will be at 7 arranged

ook = cook

Actually DropdeadFred and Chop thats a brilliant idea. I get away with not having them here without seeming rude.

Can I get away with that ?

BIL and SIL sound totally arrogant. If it were me, I would serve dinner as planned and heat theirs up in the microwave when they arrived.

Yes!!! you will look polite and caring!

I might give that a go

Yes I'm American. I live just outside of Belfast