Rude Relatives

[paulaplumpbottom]

My BIL and SIL are always late for everything. I don't mean 10 or 15 minutes, its more like 30 or 45 minutes. Last Thanksgiving they held up dinner for an hour.

Anyway dinner is a 7 on Thursday and she has just called to say they won't be there till 7:45. I am tempted to tell them not to bother. After I have spent all day cooking and setting a beautiful table, surely the least they can do is be on time. Its also in the middle of the week and I don't want to keep the other 14 guest waiting just for them as I know everone has to work the next day.

Would I be right to tell them not to come if they can't be on time?

I'm from Florida. My DH and I lived in London, then in Camberely but we had no family about. We decided to move here when we were starting our family because his family is about. He is from here originally. I love it here

Are you American?

the chances are then she will be much more than 45 mins late, if she has in her mind it now is 745 then she will probably be there 830. If you feel awkward saying anything then why not make a joke out of it if they do turn up - have a sweep stake at what time your other friends think they will turn up and have a rousing cheer when they do!! then the sweep stake winner gets the bottle of wine she will no doubt turn up with

or am i just being nasty I hate it when others think you're not worth being on time for

LOL Thats a cute idea but its not just family and not everyone knows them so might not get the joke. Also they always seem to think them being late is cute and quirky. I don't want to encourage that

It sounds odd but I love the weather here. Its never too hot. I like the people here who are very kind. I love that people know how t dress smartly.

I miss the laid back life of the South. I miss Thunderstorms. I miss my family. I miss being sung to sleep by frogs and crickets. I miss fireflys

Cute and quirky - that's even more annoying!! No one likes being embarrassed though so am sure if you explain this to your other guests they will join in the rousing welcome of the rude cute and quirky relatives!

I don't think I'll ever move back. I am very settled here. I have made wonderful friends and its all My dd knows.

I know I hate the cute and quirky thing, makes me want to slap them

could you explain that you have all these other guests arriving for 7 , so will start then, the inlaws are welcome to come but will need to join in whatever course is happening when they arrive. My SIl is always late - whether its for dinner, babysitting or planes I used to be very tolerant now I think she is just rather selfish and inconsiderate - she is 42 and should know better. She has been known to turn up to my house for Christmas dinner half pi**ed, and proceeded to behave like a toddler at the table - much to her husband, father and brother's disgust.

I just worry about being rude.

Thing is, the longer it goes on and the more occasions this happens on, they get the impression that it's okay for them to behave like this and that you will just hold dinner off for them.

They need the shock of turning up and it all being over with and eaten.

No its my DH's brothers wife

Well if they arriev at 7:45 they might be just in time for the main. They would have only missed pumpkin soup

I would get your DH to talk to his brother and tell him dinner will be served at 7 as otherwise it is too late for the children and if they really feel they can't get there for 7 then they should leave it.

My dh thinks I'm being overly sensitive. Don't think he'll say anything

I think I'll try to tell her to go ahead and spend the evening with her friend, if that doesn't work than we will just start without them. I wish I had the guts to tell them how much this sort of thing annoys me.

Dont mean to be rude to your DH but you are not being overly sensitive and its because of stupid comments like that that she has got away with it for so long. So she will keep 14 guests waiting probaly a total of an hour each. That's 14 hours of people's time. If he was kept waiting by you for 14 hours for no good reason would he be happy with that and not complain if you told him he was being "overly sensitive" -methinks not!

Paula I'd be polite but firm that the dinner was going to start promptly at 7pm, for the reasons you mention. Be clear, if they don't decide to stay home with sil's friend all evening that "Of course you're welcome, we aked you after all, but we do need to get the ball rolling foodwise because of the children/people at work next day - but don't worry you can join in once you arrive ".

I can't see what's rude about that.

My ILs like to have huge family get togethers every now and again at mil's house. Fine and friendly (if a little noisy, overcrowded and claustrophobic after a while but they mean well usually ).

Given that this is 3-4 times per year, it p*es me off that almost every time, sil (dh's sister) is late with her teenagers because, eg "XXwanted to watch the Grand prix/the rugby"...??? what's wrong with recording these things now and again ?

Nobody says a word. It's either that or her 18yo will turn on the TV to catch up with the sports results. Really antisocial.

Thanks for all the great advice. Its nice to know that I'm not overly sensitive. I just want everything to go well

I think they are being very disrespectful and I think you should say they may as well have a full evening with their friend.