Following mumsnet survey-"modern parents have no stamina" but did 1960s parents have a much easier less hands-on time?

[Evenhope]

Comment posted in Telegraph about the results of mumsnet survey
"When I was young there were no washing machines, tumbler driers, dish washers, refrigerators, freezers, central heating or convenience foods. Very few could afford motor cars or holidays. Our mothers just got on and looked after the house, cooked the food, hand washed the clothes and brought us up. I can?t remember my mother moaning about how hard she worked. The modern parents have no stamina.
Posted by WHG on November 18, 2007 10:44 AM"

How many of us born in the 1960s and 1970s actually feel our mothers had an easier job? They weren't expected to be involved in our school life (we were allocated a place- no choice); they didn't ferry us around everywhere and we played out on our own.

I would not have wanted to have been a woman in the 60's or 70's but I do think that in many ways being a mother was easier.

By the standards of the 60's and 70's I would have been a good mother but by today's standards I am quite a shit one.

My mum held down a job, and looked after us and the house (I was born in 1971) ... but, she lived just around the corner from her parents - and they were a lot more hands on than my parents are now - due to distance ... my parents live 30 minutes drive away - and my PILs live a good hour's drive away (mind you, that's a blessing!)

Personally, I think both generations had it tough, but in different ways - my mum was frowned upon for working outside the home, but was still expected to keep a tidy house ... whereas I have a lot more labour saving gadgets than she did, but don't have the amount of help from my parents that she did from hers.

saggarmakersbottomknocker many of the things you list I do plus work 80 hours a week.

I don't walk dd to school as she is taken to my mums at 6 in the morning wrapped in a blanket while I start my working day. I do walk her home on the days I can get away from work in time to pick her up from homework club. I don't handwash everything but there is handwashing to do every week and I do a machine washe every night all of which needs ironing.

We do a foodshop nearly everyday as we don't use the big supermarket and a tight budget means that we tend to buy from the reduced section. Most of our meals are made from scratch as well.

I make some of dd clothes although that is a choice so I am not whinging about that.

Luckily there is no coal to get, as I grew up doing this I know what an escape that is.

But on top of this I am supposed to be an all singing and dancing mum in a way my mum was never expected to.

My point is that although being a mum may not be as labour intensive and we do choose much of our hard work I don;t think they had it harded in the 60s and 70s.

The thing about housework is that expands to fill the hours you allow it. So it's possible we do as much as our mothers did (but with nice shiny gadgets to help us) but it's not our whole life. And to my mind, that's better.

I suppose I am fascinated why so many of us choose to make life as hard as possible for ourselves, and I include myself in that.

I don't choose to make my life hard. When people talk about pressure to be a perfect parent, I honestly don't know what they're talking about.

My mum had a twin tub washing machine, and she would allocated one day a week to doing the washing - basically standing in front of it feeding clothes in and out of the washer and rinse tubs. Once it was done, that was it for another week. Clothes were not just worn once and then chucked in the wash.

I don't think the actual effort of cooking has changed much, although there is much more variety now. There was very little eating out or delivery food then, so almost every meal had to be cooked. We would put up with fairly nasty tinned and powdered foods though (the memories came flooding back when we lived in the US - they still do that there).

There was much less TV to watch in those days, so if you didn't like what was on either side, you could do something else. Same with internet - can you imagine the time we would have if we weren't hooked on Mumsnet and Facebook.

I remember in the 1970s, my mum going to rather a lot of coffee mornings, so it was not all work work work.

Oh, and I think kids were expected to do more at a younger age. For example, I could knit, sew, iron, do various kitchen tasks, garden, etc. well before the age of 10.

A lot of it is down to economics.

Both dp and I have good professional jobs and I suspect 30 years ago would have been seen as part of the comfortable middle class. But instead we are both working so hard to pay that big mortgage. 30 years ago as well dd would have gone to a grammar school and I may not have chosen to opt out of our local increasingly dumbed down education system which places significant strain on us financially. I am not asking for sympathy as we chose the school fees and mortgate but 30 years ago those expensive choices would have been cheaper ( in terms of percentage of income) or non existant.

there was less stress in some ways, because there was less choice.

Food choices over the dinner table were 'Eat it or go hungry' there was somply no thought of catering to my tastes or my brothers. there was dinner on the table, eat it or leave it.

there was no choice over schooling, so no enless anxiety over 'Making the right choice' or 'Will I get them into the right school'. they shopped for the uniform and off you went.

There was no contrant second guessing about how to dicipline, or feed babies, or what toys were the most educational, which 'expert' to use as your baby guru, no worries about vaccinations.

I'm not saying that this valley of choicelessness was always good, but it seemed to cut down on parental worry.

Maybe NFK you are naturally a very good parent so don;t feel the pressure, or you have more confidence.

But MB - the food choice these days can still be "eat or go hungry." And you can ignore those baby gurus. Just like there must have been parents who ignored Truby King or Doctor Spock.

Twinset - I don't think I'm a particularly good parent. And we could all do with having our confidence boosted. I just think I'm who they got and I love them very much and I do my best. I put a lot of thought and effort into looking after them. And I can't do more than my best.

Spot on MB.

The huge choices we have at every corner actually limit us I believe,not set us free.

Oh I choose to make my life as easy as possible NKF - I'm not sure that I've ever felt that pressure either.

The laundry thing is what I really remember. Mum had no machine, just a hand mangle - there were three of us plus dad's shirts. She stood all day boiling water on the stove, washing, wringing etc and then it was hoisted on the thing up to the ceiling (can't remember the name) or on a clothes horse infront of the fire. And when the bedding was done, hell's teeth, she was knackered. Loved the smell of it though.

Five minutes sorting and chucking it in the automatic just doesn't compare really.

I agree MB choice has caused more stress,
a bit like our new year sevens at lunch they can't take all the choices on offer in the canteen and so it all goes to pot!

All very good points MB.

Our generation also has more disposable income on the whole - the rise in consumer spending is huge. 24 hour shopping rules ok.

When I was a child we made do with basic furniture, well basic everything really. What was once seen as a luxury is now commonplace.

I don't know whether we do have more disposable income due to house prices. That is just a gut reaction and not a thought out one. I agree that we have more but personal debt is also higher.

My kids pretty much have to eat the food that's put in front of them, so that hasn't really changed.

What I think was probably different 30 - 40 years ago was that the repertoire was much more limited, and may have even been the same each week - eg, roast on Sunday, shepherds' pie on Monday, fish on Friday...

I think we have a lot more variety nowadays - we have dishes from around the world, so will have pasta, curry, stir fry, Mexican etc., that we wouldn't have had then (unless in a box from Vesta).

NFK, you are right we can choose to ignore them. But that is still a concious choice! Ie to ignore them. My mother had simply never heard of any of them.

And would have thought the concept of being a 'good' mother or aspiring to be a 'better' mother midly incomprehensible.

Mothering was something that she did. She didn't see it as a competition. We were clean, not hungry (food was crap, but it was there for us), clothed and went to school. We said please and thank you, and buggered off outside to play. She never questioned how she was doing. She was doing the same as her sisters, and the rest of the women in our street. there was simply no other way of doing it, as far as she could see.

Mmm. Vesta curries. Do you remember how exotic they seemed? Boil in a bag as I recall.

I dont agree about parents not being involved in school life in the 60s and 70s my mum was deeply involved in school life from running the discos to being a class helper because she had the time.

The clothes rack was called a maiden, Saggar.

Quite.
Who needs thirty different kinds of fruit juice or fifty different makes of washing machine?
So much time is wasted doing the research or being frozen in inaction and indecision,like a rabbit in a car's headlights.

We had an idyllic childhood and i tihnk my mother had it very easy as we lived on a tiny tropical island so needed only about three outfits each and spent the entire time outside.

We were pretty well off but I remember looking longingly at ads for various crap in comics and dreaming about owning it.Would never actually have occured to me to ask my parents to buy it for me though.

Agree about the debt TSaP. I know my parents didn't have debts; I clearly remember my nan being horrified at them borrowing to buy their first home.

yes we had a set menu for the week as well, although when I was six my mum met my polish stepdad so ours was quite exotic!

Thanks ST.