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Original poster

What age would you leave your child at a party?

41 replies

BadHair · 01/11/2004 19:08

Ds1 went to a 4th birthday party at the weekend. All the children were from his new, school nursery and not many of the parents knew each other. At all parties from his old nursery the parents always stayed, whether the party was at a playbarn, house, garden or whatever, but at this one they all left.

There were 20-odd kids aged 3-5 at this party, and only 3 other parents stayed. One of them knew the host really well but the rest of us huddled together and wondered if we were unwelcome. No-one actually said anything, but all the other mothers bar us 3 (including some that I thought would have stayed) nipped off sharpish.

There was no way I was leaving my only-just 4 year old with a bunch of people that he hardly knew. Am I being overprotective? What do / would you do?

OP posts:

KateandtheGirls · 01/11/2004 19:10

I left my 5 year old at a party recently. It was in a well-contained hired room and they had people there organising activities, and I know the mum a little bit, so I felt comfortable. I would have stayed if I didn't have my 2 year old with me (who would have wanted to join in).

Hectic · 01/11/2004 19:14

I wouldn't leave a 4yo at a party where he didn't know the other children well. However I would do so if s/he was well settled at the nursery and had made some friends; perhaps later in the school year you and he will feel happier for him to attend parties without you.

pinkmama · 01/11/2004 19:14

Hi
I don't think you were being overprotective. If you feel uncomfortable leaving your ds then i wouldn't do it. When my dd was that age there were some parties I left her at and others I stayed. Your post made me think about why, and i do think it depended on how well i knew the other adults there. If I knew them really well then I might stay for the company, if I knew them well enough to feel comfortable but they not friends i would pop off and enjoy free time, and if I didn't know them I would stay because I felt uncomfortable leaving her. Sometimes dd would ask me to stay anyway. Go with your feelings. I can't imagine other parents would feel bad about you staying if thats what you wanted to do.
Of course now she is a grown up 6 3/4 my presence is very unwanted!

zebra · 01/11/2004 19:15

We had a party for DS (turning 5) yesterday at our house. Many of the parents preivously asked me "Do you mind if I stay?" Thing is, none of these parents knew me; we only moved to this town 3 months ago!

Before my Callfornia cousin lets even her teenage children go around to friend's houses alone, she insists on speaking to the parents first to ask "Do you have guns in the house? Are they locked up? Who has access to the gun cabinet keys?"

You think this is just an American problem, but when we were looking at a house (to buy) in Norwich this year the owner proudly showed off... his gun cabinet.

gottaCODon · 01/11/2004 19:15

4 is the age you leave them
always IME

I find haviong parentts there at 4 really annoying

Slink · 01/11/2004 19:16

My dd had a halloween party (she 3) and all the mums stayed i think thats great more help, but i would not leave my dd at a party on her own yet especially if i didn't know the mum well.

jnbsmum · 01/11/2004 19:16

There is no way i would leave my ds at a party on his own yet and he's just 4. We recently went to a party in the function room of a pub with a very loud disco (yes for 4 yr olds) and some of the parents left their child alone. The poor little ones where really frightened and didn't know what to do. Its made me wonder cause i'm having a party for my son in 2 weeks and i'm hoping nobody leaves their child alone there.
I do agree with kate though. If you know the parent and they're ok with it then its not too bad. I suppose we all know our own children

zebra · 01/11/2004 19:18

Actually, the best bit of our party yesterday was when the kids gave up trying to break the pinata and the moms & dads each had a go.

roisin · 01/11/2004 19:34

I find as a host it's easier to have the kids without the parents, as they behave better - and I think it's the case with my boys as well. I particularly find it a pain if parents stay with younger toddlers, who run around causing havoc, and interfering with the games. It's much easier to just have the 4 or 5 yr olds, with no relatives.

But obviously you shouldn't do anything you and your child don't feel comfortable with. I once felt under pressure to leave ds1 at a party; it was a bouncy castle party, and at the time he didn't like bouncy castles, and he didn't know the other children well: but I knew the mum very well, and knew he'd be in good hands ... Half an hour later she phoned me to say he'd just sat down at a table on his own, not joined in with the other children, and gone to sleep
Needless to say I felt like the worst mother in the universe for abandoning him like that!

Lonelymum · 01/11/2004 19:36

I have left my 4 yo. I did so because she was content to be left rather than because I thought she was old enough IYSWIM. I think it depends on the confidence of the child.

essbee · 01/11/2004 19:37

Message withdrawn

jodee · 01/11/2004 20:04

Guess it depends as well on where you are - ds (4.5) went to a 5th birthday party at the local Brewsters playbarn and all the parents stayed and had a coffee and chat, hardly worth the drive home.

But ds went to a Halloween party at a house on our street (a kid in his reception class), we had never been to the house before and I had only said a brief 'hello' to the Mum - there were a couple of parents there but I gave her my phone number and came home (a blissful 2 hours!).

sunchowder · 01/11/2004 20:07

I didn't leave my DD at a party until she was 5...I guess I was pretty overprotective, she turned out OK though I think!

kalex · 01/11/2004 20:10

Went to a party at a huge playbarn thing yesterday, DD is 6, and I didn't leave here, too many children inveited to the party, over 100 kids in the play barn. And I didn't know the mother, apart from on site.

No over protective, just concerened that if she hurt herself, nobody would be there for her!

jellyhead · 01/11/2004 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carla · 01/11/2004 20:31

Six. For me.XXXX

KBear · 01/11/2004 20:39

I think it depends where the party is. My DD is 5, nearly 6 but I won't leave her at the play barn types places because EVERY time we have ever been to one she is the one child who smacks into someone else and ends up with the black eye or egg-shaped lump on her forehead, and I do mean every time. However now I know most of the mums at school I would happy to leave her at parties but I wouldn't have done at age 3 or 4.

ladymuck · 01/11/2004 20:43

We were invited to leave ds1 (3.5) at a playbarn type event. Admittedly he was one of the youngest there, and one of his playmates from playgroup was left.

The playbarn was still open to the public, and I couldn't see how the parents of the birthday girl would have coped esp as the kids could get out relatively easily. Not sure what age we will get to before I'm happy to leave him in that situation, but that reflects my discomfort with the discipline/security issues. Would be happy to leave him now at a party of one of his close friends (or rather my close friends!), but to date no-one had offered to have him unattended .

Where feasible I try to avoid bringing ds2 (17m) with me - far too much aggro.

foxinsocks · 01/11/2004 20:45

4 - certainly for dd who hasn't wanted me to stay at all since she turned 4 (and stayed at a few on her own just before she was 4).

I do always ask though, before I leave her, in case they want more parent help. Most of the time, I think they find it easier to control the kids if the parents aren't there!

If she didn't know anyone, or didn't feel comfortable, I wouldn't leave her but almost all her parties are classmates' parties so she knows everyone there normally.

onlyjoking9329 · 01/11/2004 20:45

i always stay with my kids at parties, mention that they have autism and they beg you to stay anyway

nikkim · 02/11/2004 10:12

It depend I suppose as dd third birthday we asked parents to stay as there were about 25 kids in a church hall and I had enough to do witout looking for escapees.

I took dd to a party the other week at a house and left her as I knew the mum and there were only about 6 children. I think the parents didn't really wants us to stop as it would have been too cramped and as someone said earlier kids tend to behave better when parents aren't there, infact dd started wailing and acting dreadfully when I came back. I just left a phone number and enjoyed two hours of peace,

We had a halloween party and I said parents could stop or go, hoping only a few would stop as ten children plus ten sets of parents plus a few of my relatives makes for a cramped party. About three parents stopped which was enought to give me a hand and the rest left phone numbers although noone made a break for the door immediately. the children were mostly three.

SoupDragon · 02/11/2004 10:17

I started leaving DS1 when he started school. I wouldn't leave him before this because I don't think it's fair on the host parents. It depends on the child but I feel that when they've started school, they are well used to fending for themselves wrt toilets etc.

janinlondon · 02/11/2004 10:47

My six year old niece was assaulted by a nine year old brother upstairs at a children's birthday party. I've also spent lots of parties either on toilet duty (you'd be amazed how many parents just presume that the host parents will have time to do this) or comforting tearful four or five year olds who's parents left them. One of the mothers has even since told me she confidently leaves her daughter at parties. I know! I have sat with her crying daughter at two of these. I really don't think leaving them is a good option.

Slinky · 02/11/2004 10:55

Normally around 5 - once they've been in school for a bit.

Having said that, DS1 has been invited to a few parties lately at the local Pier (using the Pier rides) and I always stay for those ones (and he's almost 7!!). Reason for this - if he needs the toilet then I'm there to take him (the host wouldn't be able to leave the other kids) and I DO NOT want him wandering around the Pier on his own.

Azzie · 02/11/2004 11:05

Both of mine started staying alone at parties when they were 4, but only if they were totally happy about it. Even now (they are 7 and nearly 5) I always ask if it's OK for me to go, just so that they feel secure. Of course now they're usually keen to see the back of me!

I never mind parents staying if they feel they need to (if their child is nervous or likely to get upset I'd far rather they were there to deal with it!). I do like it if the parents who stay muck in and help out, though.

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