What age would you leave your child at a party?

[BadHair]

Ds1 went to a 4th birthday party at the weekend. All the children were from his new, school nursery and not many of the parents knew each other. At all parties from his old nursery the parents always stayed, whether the party was at a playbarn, house, garden or whatever, but at this one they all left.

There were 20-odd kids aged 3-5 at this party, and only 3 other parents stayed. One of them knew the host really well but the rest of us huddled together and wondered if we were unwelcome. No-one actually said anything, but all the other mothers bar us 3 (including some that I thought would have stayed) nipped off sharpish.

There was no way I was leaving my only-just 4 year old with a bunch of people that he hardly knew. Am I being overprotective? What do / would you do?

Oh, and I must just add that, if it's at a new house they haven't visited before, I've always made sure before I left that they know who the adult in charge is, and where the toilet is. And I always leave a phone number.

Ds is attending 6th birthday parties this year. We tend to stay and help out if the party is at a venue (and always if it is still also open to the general public), and push off if the party is in someone's home, unless ds asks us to stay, or the parents are clearly expecting other parents to hang around socially (drink and grown-up food in evidence etc). We expect to help out with ds and with any other tasks if we stay.
We are lucky in that ds' class size is small and so we already know the other children and parents reasonably well. We welcome parties as a chance to socialise as we are not often at the school gates, and were delighted when several parents stayed at ds' 5th last summer.

I have only just left ds for the first time at a party last week, he is 5 this month. He knew quite a few of the kids well from playgroup and now school. He is going to a few at the moment, but I am only choosing for him, to go to the kids parties he knows well and likes! It gets too expensive otherwise. (thankfully I have a good excuse at the moment, being very heavily pregnant!)

I would not have left him 6 months ago, when alot of other parents did.

You should only do it when you or your ds is confident enough. I would not have thought you over protective at all!

I didn't start leaving DS1 at parties until this year (he's 7 next February) mainly because he wasn't comfortable with it. He now asks me to leave him, so I just drop him and go, but I always put a card in his pocket with his name, my name and my mobile number just in case.

Previously if he was going to a party and I had to stay but take DS2 and DD as well, I would always talk to the parents first to see if it was OK first. TBH we know each other well enough that they expected siblings to be around too.

DS2(4) has never been left, and won't be until he tells me he wants me to go.

Left DS at 3.1. . But have taken him to many parties since. The party I left him at was well-organised and consisted entirely of children from nursery, the little boy has been DS's friend since babyhood, and DS was quite happy. Actually I only left him because they said in the invitation that they would have enough adults to cover the children so it would be OK to leave him if we wished. DH took him to a party and stayed the morning after DD was born and I took them both to a neighbour's party the same afternoon! - and stayed obviously.

I've just held a 4yr old party for my ds1. It was for his pre-school friends (3-4yr) and included his younger brother, 2.5yr, in total 13 children. All the parents were encouraged to go by the 2 staff members running the party, and apart from myself and dh, they all did. We had a bouncy castle, party games, party tea and lots and lots of fun. The children had a great time, all joined in, no tears about being left, and despite only starting school in Sept seem to already have made friends. Reports back from the other parents were all positive about how their child had raved about the party.
I've yet to leave my ds1 at a party as he's always asked me to stay, but this made me think about how much fun he might have were he to be left. Afterall, I leave him at his school 5days a week for 4hours and he's absolutely fine and full of his mornings adventure!

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My DS's are 6,and at most of the parties they go to, not many parents stay.
However, either DH or myself always do. The venue may well be secure and no one can make off with them, but like someone else said, kids always seem to get hurt or upset. I'd hate for them to be crying or miserable, and I was not there to comfort them.
I also think it's a bit of a cheek to expect another parent to take responsibility for your child. I've often had to look after an upset child at a party, because their parents could not be bothered to stay.
My DS's recently went to a party in a childs house, but I still stayed even though I didn't know the mother that well, as I felt I couldn't trust them to behave, when over excited.
I was pleased I did, as boys who were left there by their parents started wrestling and jumping on the furniture, I know mine would have joined in if I was not there to remind them to respect other peoples homes.

At our party at the weekend one of the 4yo girls turned up in tears because another child (not yet 4) had called her "Naughty Girl". It sounds really trivial, but the "victim", her mother is battling with cancer so she's understandably easily set off. Meanwhile, the name-caller has 2 sisters so they tease each other with names all the time & it doesn't mean anything.

I was SO GLAD that both sets of relevant parents were there to talk to or comfort their offspring, and get the girls to make up.

At my daughters party last week a mother asked if she could leave her 5 year old daughter whilst she went shopping. I said i did'nt mind, then she told me to pay attention to food labelling as her daughter had a NUT ALLERGY.

As you can imagine i was horrified and pointed out the position of responsibility she was leaving me insisted that the mother stayed and supervised her own daughters food.

That's a bit scary Hattie, presume no mention of it when she replied to the invitation?

About 6 but depend on how well i know the mum. If I am happy with the ratio of mum to child etc.

I've only just started leaving DS1 - he's 5 - and even now I would still stay if he didn't know any of the other adults well or if I thought he wouldn't be able to manage the loo by himself.

When we had DS2's party in the summer, nearly all the mums stayed - I think there was only one mum (whose child was five) who left him.

cam- no mention of nut allegy when she replied to the invite. The young girls mother often leaves her at parties.

I don't leave my daughter at because she can be a handful. if i have to leave her it would underthe supervision of a friend.