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Original poster

personal attacks from MN'etters

37 replies

leglebegle · 22/10/2004 10:58

What is it with certain women on this site? I have read so many threads of late regarding people leaving MN due to horrible attacks on them from other MN'etters. I felt sad when I read them and was the unfortunate victim myself yesterday. I had been taking part in the Geldof on marriage...grrrr thread, and wrote that I thought he made certain points which were valid as I believe men and women should have equal rights over their children. Hardly a threatening view point you would think. I didn't check that thread for several days and checked it last night. I had received an acknowledgment from someone who I won't name because she knows who she is, basically calling me fit to burn. Okay, so she has a different opinion from me, and its pretty much the opposite one from mine, but why do I have to be subjected to a personal attack on my character? with references to my not being fit to do my job etc. Its just really bitchy to behave in that way. I can understand her reading my opinion and feeling emotional because its different from hers, but I can't understand her feeling so angry and feeling the need to blast me in that way. At the end of the day, she made references to her point of view regarding men and women, and I found her points to be as 'disgusting 'outrageous' and 'inflammatory' as she says she found mine. But MN is about supporting each other, and about being a forum of friendship and of respect. It is not respectful of each other to behave as if we have the right to be as hurtful as we like because we are 'outraged' that someone has a different opinion than ourselves. I have made some great contacts through the meet ups sections, have joined a book club, and have gleaned a wealth of information from this vast support network. I think I'll stick to my particular meet up thread, and only contribute to non confrontational threads in the future. Anything political I'll keep well clear of.

Anyone else had an experience like this?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 22/10/2004 11:15

I don't know what you're reading ... have just read thread again and can see no personal attacks on you .. just a difference of opinion .. are you saying people shouldn't disagree with your posts

sorry you're feeling attacked but I really don't see where ... what am I missing??

nasa · 22/10/2004 11:19

sorry legle - I would echo twiglett, don't see any personal attack on that thread just a differnce of opinion which is, after all, what a lot of MN debates are all about.

edam · 22/10/2004 11:23

If this is aimed at me, you've got it wrong. I disagreed with your views. Big deal. You then called me a man hater, which is a personal attack. But too silly to care about.
Just putting the record straight.

Twiglett · 22/10/2004 11:26

I wouldn't worry about it Edam .. I think its a mis-read / misunderstanding

although how someone can read 'inflaming the situation' as meaning 'fit to burn' staggers me

Marina · 22/10/2004 11:26

Leglebegle, I'm really sorry too that you have been upset by the thread in question, but, like Twiglett, cannot see the "personal attack" you refer to.
I too tend to steer clear of the more vehement, political threads because it's in their nature to get quite heated. Contentious comparisons will lead to lively debate and differences of opinion.
I hope you can still enjoy Mumsnet and the friends you have made here.

Skate · 22/10/2004 11:27

I didn't contribute to the thread but just had a read through and nothing offensive that I can see I'm afraid. Certainly no personal attack of note.

All contentious threads/debates are going to have a difference of opinion and if you post on them you have to accept that or don't post! True that personal attacks shouldn't come into it but I didn't see any here.

ladymuck · 22/10/2004 11:28

leglebegle, tbh I would have expected you to rise above it. Lead by example, and that sometimes means not answering every comment that is made that would appear to slight you.

Perhaps it is my inherent (or should that be inherited) arrogance, but when I am in the minority in certain debates, I don't get too upset as I know that the majority are in the wrong.

bonniej · 22/10/2004 11:28

I only saw one personal attack and that's the one edam has just pointed out I'm afraid.

WideWebWitch · 22/10/2004 11:30

Well, as a result of your thread I've just trawled through the other one and I can't see any personal attack either. Edam (and others I think) disagreed with you but didn't make personal remarks afaics.

edam · 22/10/2004 11:30

Ladymuck, I like your honesty about your approach to the majority... I wonder if that's what we all think but are too polite to say?

acer · 22/10/2004 11:35

It seems to me that you all have not read the thread properly, leglebegle was just stating the fact that she was upset and felt certain peple attacked her (be this a misunderstanding or not) she then asks for replies from anyone else who has had an experience like this, she didn't ask for another debate.

nasa · 22/10/2004 11:37

but acer we're just stating that we didn't see any personal attack - nothing wrong with that

legle stated: "why do I have to be subjected to a personal attack on my character?" we're just saying that we don't think she was, and it's a shame she feels that way.

ladymuck · 22/10/2004 11:38

I should make it clear that it is not the majority of mumsnet, just views on certain topics!

Edam, given your ability to rise above being called a man-hater, yes, I suspect that we think alike on some matters...

ladymuck · 22/10/2004 11:39

Acer, I think the question at the end wasn't the sole point of the original post.

acer · 22/10/2004 11:40

Yes, I have read it and I have to admit I do not think it's personal, I just think it should be left at that.

nasa · 22/10/2004 11:42

acer, if someone starts a thread about something you can't expect people not to respond. No-one is having a go; it's a real shame that legle feels like this and I for one was trying to reassure her that I didn;t think it was intended that way

acer · 22/10/2004 11:44

OK OK

fio2 · 22/10/2004 11:50

can i just put my 2pence worth in...

I have posted on mumsnet for 2 years and just lately I have noticed a big change. Yes things have always flared up but just lately 'some' people on the site don't seem to respect other people's opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion whether you agree with it or not. Infact some people are so opinionated and judgemental on here I KNOW very well i would hate to meet them in real life. People are stereotyped and shoved into a certain bracket. Arguments are regularly not explored properly to give into consideration feelings and emotions of people.

I am a very laid back person and hope i do not judge anyone. i certainly do not stereotype people and discriminate against certain groups of people.

But just lately I have been so dismayed and fucked off with some people on here, it has started to cure my addiction. Some people's opinions have really wound me up. I can't even be bothered to argue about it or give my point of view because the people who it concerns never listen anyway and always think they are right. Just because you take the moral high ground does not mean you are right.

On a whole, certain sections of the site are very supportive. i dont know where I would be without the support of the special needs board. they have all been a godsend to me. As I am sure other parts of the site are a godsend to other people.

What has happened? I used to come on here to have a laugh and a joke. You cant even change your name to piss around without being called a troll, not even on a chat thread.

I am waffling on but some of take yourselves so seriously.

ducks to avoid the thrown objects

wallawallabingbang · 22/10/2004 11:52

Hear hear Fio2

acer · 22/10/2004 11:54

Oh I am fairly new here so have not noticed this, but I must admit I have left a thread because nobody has really acknowledged I a there, but I just put this down to being new.

Skate · 22/10/2004 11:55

I think some people read far too much into things.

Not seen many intentionally nasty comments myself.

Also very easy to misinterpret on here because it's just like email - another medium notorious for causing misunderstandings.

charliecat · 22/10/2004 11:55

Round of applause Fio and the thing is, you cant even add your opinion to a thread sometimes as if its different from the majority you know you will be pounced on and chewed to pieces.

acer · 22/10/2004 11:56

Or ignored

Skate · 22/10/2004 11:57

Have also felt 'ignored' on the odd thread but I'm sure it's not intentional and I'm certainly not going to 'get the hump' about it. Just toddle off and find someone else to talk to! That way I've made some good 'pals' - Evesmama, Tammybear, JoolsToo, Twiglett...

charliecat · 22/10/2004 11:57

Hello acer, I wont ignore you!