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Original poster

*%******ing school run! What do you do when another mum regularly blanks you?!

45 replies

MissChief · 12/10/2007 10:36

am wondering whether some mums get off on deliberately making others feel small - or am I just paranoid?! As I work, don't regularly do the school run and find it often excrutiating- painful cliques, who speaks to who/over who etc etc. I just don't seem to be good at playing it "cool" and knowing when to butt in, stand my ground, etc etc. I just hate it! On a day I'm not working, I don't want to be playing such games and it astounds me how very political it all is!
Anyway, back to this mum - kids same ages as mine, know each other a bit, I don't have two heads/body odour, yet if any one else is around, she doesn't even acknowledge my hello or smile. How bloody rude is that? I'm stupidly angry about it. I guess some of it must be donw to me - shouldn't bother with her (but why shouldn't everyone say hello, ffs?!). I'm probably giving out desperate vibes as newish in town and don't know many people well as work too whereas she, though newer here, is at home so has made more local contacts. I'm just getting paranoid as everyone is saying "isn't so-and-so really nice, she's new you know" - well she bloody well isn't nice to me, so what's that all about? Why caqn't we all just grow up? I include myself as am feeling quite vengeful atm!

OP posts:
Carmenere · 12/10/2007 10:38

Do what I do and wear your ipod.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 12/10/2007 10:40

I wouldn't bother to even smile at people who can't be bothered! I have just started to take ds to playschool so not really into the whole 'school gates' thing. So far I have said hi to a few Mums and chatted to a couple, but nothing too much. I usually just smile at the 'ones' I have said hi to and thats it, tbh I don't really care about it!

Tommy · 12/10/2007 10:41

I just talk to anyone and everyone but most of all, I don't really care enough about anyone else (except other mums who are my friends)if they don't want to say hello.

Try not to worry about it - it's a few minutes a day and if someone doesn't want to talk to you, then it is their loss.

Life is too short!

DrNortherner · 12/10/2007 10:41

Do you acknowledge her?

TrickORTripletEm · 12/10/2007 10:43

Oh it's so horrible isn't it? I shouldn't worry too much the more friends your kids make the more mums you get to know. I expect there are plenty of other mums feeling exactly the same as you. I tend to stay away from the cliques anyway as they always turn into a bitch fest!! I like to be neutral, I just smile politely at everyone and use my kids to get to know the mums by saying "Oh isn't that your friend over there?" really loudly!! It soon breaks the ice. And yes it is rude for that mum to ignore you,don't waste your time focusing on her get to know everyone else I'm sure that she'll be interested then and then it will be your choice wether you want to be forgiving or not!!

Original poster
MissChief · 12/10/2007 10:43

i know, i shouldn't care but am feeling a bit out of it where we live as left all my good friends behind whne we moved and none here as yet, more acquaintances to meet up with occasionally with the kids. It's the deliberate nature of it which bothers me and makes me think I'm doing something wrong or have a previosuly unnoticed huge character flaw! Plus it's a small class so it's hard to avoid her.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 12/10/2007 10:44

talk to 100X's (lol)

MissChief, I was wondering how you are?

PrincessAfterLife · 12/10/2007 10:44

ask yourself: whose problem is it...hers or yours?? your life continues the same regardless of whether she greets you or not. like Tommy says - life is too short.

doggiesayswoof · 12/10/2007 10:44

Ignore her. Not worth worrying about imo. You can choose not to join in with all the politics.

Why do you think it's annoying you so much?

Original poster
MissChief · 12/10/2007 10:46

thanks all, Just been having bit of a time at the moment so super-sensitive. Thanks for asking, mascara - things are slowly getting better. Hope they're well with you?

OP posts:
doggiesayswoof · 12/10/2007 10:48

IKWYM about feeling over-sensitive... let me just say this - it's not you!

Seems to me that she's the one with the problem - and the crap social skills.

Original poster
MissChief · 12/10/2007 10:54

you may be right, but it feels like it's me at hte moment! Don't mean to sound self-pitying but that's the honest truth! I mean why otherwise do some mums always get greeted/listened to etc and others get less of a platform and can be dispensable if there's someone more interesting around?
God, I miss my friends!

OP posts:
TrickORTripletEm · 12/10/2007 10:55

I agree, everyone knows that 'newbie' feeling and anyone who is worth their salt would try and make you feel comfortable.

'worth their salt'???
Sorry, think I turned into my nan there for a moment

OrmIrian · 12/10/2007 10:56

There will be someone who is in the same boat. Could you just say hello to them. I must admit as a WOHM I have been in a similar boat but my DC's have been at the school for 7 years now so I know quite a few people through my kids. I do find that some people are open to casual conversation and some simply are not.

I'm sure there's no problem with you - maybe she finds it difficult to initiate conversation, maybe all her new friendships came from other people approaching her - as you say, she has the time to do the coffee and chat thing. I remember being surprised when I was on mat leave with my youngest and seeing just how many mums hook up and go shopping or just to each others houses once the kids were in school. It's a different world.

Whatever happens don't let it bother you. Really don't! Can you arrange for some playdates and invite the attached mum in for tea when they come to pick up? Divide and rule and all that . It's much easier to make a breakthrough when you're not facing a solid wall of school run mums.

TinyGang · 12/10/2007 11:00

I always go out of my way to say a cheery hello to people who do that. Makes 'em feel uncomfortable/highlights their bad manners and gives you the moral highground .

Don't worry about it though. If she's doing it on purpose she's rude. Could she just be distracted though? Benefit of the doubt there, but I get a bit like that sometimes.

OrmIrian · 12/10/2007 11:00

There's a new boy in DS#2's class. He arrived a week after the start of term. He's Polish or Lithuanian I think and speaks very little English. His mum always stands back and speaks to no-one. I've heard her talking to the teacher and I know she speaks some English and I would really like to talk to her... but I do feel awkward. She might be standing back because she is shy or because she doesn't want to talk. I would hate to seem patronising.

Original poster
MissChief · 12/10/2007 12:25

ikwym - should be so easy but can be a minefield. sure that mum woudn't feel patronised though, try it?

I'll try the over-cheery hello thing and try and make her squirm
always assuming she notices of course!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissChief · 12/10/2007 12:52

i have fixed a few playdates with varying degrees of success God, i'm not good at the SAHM-thing nor great at career either, oh well. I'll persist and hope things fall into place. I'm not brand new here but still feel it rather as we don['t regualry make it to playgroups due to my work commitments.

OP posts:
2mum · 12/10/2007 13:31

It can be really annoying. I know one mum who thought it was ok to talk sometimes and other times walk past and ignore me. Even if i seen her out shopping she would just walk past me. So i played her at her own game and ignored her and then she tried to make conversation with me and i gave her one word answers. She took the hint and i dont even look at her if i notice her anywhere. I didnt like her anyway! She was very opinionated and nosey and just came out with things,

OrmIrian · 12/10/2007 13:44

"who thought it was ok to talk sometimes and other times walk past and ignore me"

Are you sure she saw you 2mum? Because I am guilty of that sometimes - in a rush with my mind on other things. Also a bit short-sighted. People who know me, know that they have to speak more than once if I don't notice them straight away...I'm not being rude.

NAB3 · 12/10/2007 13:50

I know how you feel. There are certian people at school that only talk to me if no one else is around, and then if someone else comes they just freeze me out of the conversation.

2mum · 12/10/2007 14:02

I dont mean talk as in a conversation i mean even say hello. She defenitly saw me on the occsasions she was ignoring me. One time she walked past me pushing a buggy and was looking at me actually staring. I said hello and she ignored me. I really didnt like that i think its hurtful to say hello and not get a response. Its not a case of she was busy i dont know what excuse she has except shes an ignorant so and so. And she had a nerve to expect me to speak to her after ignoring me on a few ocassions and then try and talk to me again.

UnquietDad · 12/10/2007 14:04

You should try being a schoolgate dad... You get this kind of thing all the time...

MellowMa · 12/10/2007 14:07

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MellowMa · 12/10/2007 14:07

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