*%******ing school run! What do you do when another mum regularly blanks you?!

[MissChief]

am wondering whether some mums get off on deliberately making others feel small - or am I just paranoid?! As I work, don't regularly do the school run and find it often excrutiating- painful cliques, who speaks to who/over who etc etc. I just don't seem to be good at playing it "cool" and knowing when to butt in, stand my ground, etc etc. I just hate it! On a day I'm not working, I don't want to be playing such games and it astounds me how very political it all is!
Anyway, back to this mum - kids same ages as mine, know each other a bit, I don't have two heads/body odour, yet if any one else is around, she doesn't even acknowledge my hello or smile. How bloody rude is that? I'm stupidly angry about it. I guess some of it must be donw to me - shouldn't bother with her (but why shouldn't everyone say hello, ffs?!). I'm probably giving out desperate vibes as newish in town and don't know many people well as work too whereas she, though newer here, is at home so has made more local contacts. I'm just getting paranoid as everyone is saying "isn't so-and-so really nice, she's new you know" - well she bloody well isn't nice to me, so what's that all about? Why caqn't we all just grow up? I include myself as am feeling quite vengeful atm!

Ignore them.

i find knee capping effective

It must be hard Unquietdad. I know from my owen experiences I tend not to talk to dads very much after awful times at toddler group where the mummybithces decided me and a dad must be having an affair because I used to talk to him every week. I didn't find this out untl someone made a snideycomment after another dad joined the toddler group and I spoke to him too. (That making me a harlot, obviously...)

What about headbutting

Sod her. I went through the usual "he's a man, why's he here" looks from the mums. Now that they know me a little, they start conversations.

I just blank the ones who were haughty about blanking me. I'm only there to pick up or drop off dd, not to start a commune.

that puts it into perspective beautifully, happydaddy!

Yo know though, it looks to me as if sch dads have an easier time of it, novelty value and all that? no offence meant, but you know what I mean? Some dads round here are positively surrounded !

Its either that or you walk around with a silly smile on your face and just smile at everyone

that's actually what I do

partly because I am SO happy to be free of one child for a few hours

(still new to the school gates)

I think there is a lot of PERCEIVED "blanking" rather than ACTUAL blanking

Really it would take a LOT of effort to BLANK people

They are probably worrying about whether Charlie has eaten his lunch or whether they will be late to pick up the baby from pre-school

People read TOOOOO much into this!

I know what you mean morningpaper, sometimes people dont see you or are thinking about something and not concentrating on whos there etc But the person im talking about was definetly ignoring me!

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I am the one who blanks people at random, because I am in a dream world, socially inept and wondering if I've left knickers in lunchboxes. Or forgotten I should be somewhere else. Or having yet another bout of period of back pain.

The lights are on, but no one is home.

I then wake up, find that some people just glare at me when I innocently smile at them on a day when I am "at home" in my head. Others are more easy going and forgive me. As I do them when they don't notice me!

I have to meet someone ten times before I recognise them, and 100 to remember their name.

But once I have mastered your face and name, I will be a loyal and helpful friend! So, cut me some slack.

I know Mellowma they are bitches i hope my crossing out works ok as i havent tried it before!

I agree with HD - some are fine with me now, and those who aren't I just ignore.

"why otherwise do some mums always get greeted/listened to etc and others get less of a platform and can be dispensable if there's someone more interesting around? "

...because some mums are more comfortable in their own skins, better at making eye contact and outwardly their body language is relaxed..

I'm a bit socially gawky when I first meet groups of new people (am fine on a one to one / small groups). Little bit of anxiety about possible rejection makes me a little less forthcoming, and unwittingly perhaps my body language is a bit tense and closed up.

It took me a full 3 terms (the whole of dd's reception year) before I began to feel even moderately comfortable at the school gates. One of the things that helped was I took it upon myself to organise class nights out in local restaurants - and got to know more people that way (spoke to the people on either side of me and opposite me at the dinner table, and as I can get on with most people, now that the ice is broken speak to them frequently)

Also it could be a misunderstanding with this woman. There is a mum at school who for the first year I felt was terribly stand offish - she would sometimes say 'hello' and sometimes appear to blank me! However I reflected recently that we now always say hello, and sometimes chat quite animatedly. In fact am thinking of cooking her a huge shepherds pie to help her out - because she is due to give birth very soon. I think she thought (wrongly) that I was stand offish and I thought (wrongly) that she was stand offish - when it wasn't the case in either instance!

I screwed up my courage by year 1 to invite some kids to dd1's birthday and one mum was EXTREMELY rude-I've since realised that her dislike of me is a life sentence without parole. I don't know what I did, other than not fall over myself to her, I think she's just a cow now and don't give it any further thought-I'm too busy concentrating on the nice ones.

I think a lot of people assume things from my appearance, accent, and even my dds, that just aren't true.

I am happier now with one in year 3 and one in reception though. The other newbie reception parents ask me stuff because I'm an old hand, and I talk to LOADS of people, briefly. Helping at the school on my day off made me more of a "face" and some think I work there so are friendlier.

i know what you mean.
HMC - you're very right , I@m very much not comfortable in my own skin right now, lots to sort out and don't yet feel settled. I'm keen to develop the network I had previously where we used to live, think I'm doing the same things but it's obviously not yet working as well!

but just to add, what's wrong with that? Lots of us are uneasy in front of people we don't know, lots of us (most of us?) haven't got all the answers to our lives and are left pondering how to sort them out. Or is it really so rare? I think not. I just think others are better at pretending. And I say this as a 30-somehting professional who may seem to be successful in some ways. Or maybe not. gOD knows.

I used to worry about the school playground stuff. I was convinced most of the parents hated me and I didn't fit in (tto scruffy, too hippy, whatever)
I just carried on being smiley and myself and trying to spark up a conversation here and there regardless of any po faces..
Then I stood for parent Governor and was totally overwhelmed at how many parents came up to personally tell me they were voting for me. (the other candidates must have been shockers, eh???)

Just goes to show, one can be paranoid without good cause.

great to hear that, fmf! But some of us are paranoid with good reason