I need a miracle cure for resentment

[Dannie]

The in-laws are coming for four days over Christmas. We'll be 11 adults and 8 children including 4 under-fives. How do I stop myself seething with resentment all the time? I know my resentment is perfectly justified, but it's just tough luck and I have to put up with it. But how? Drugs? Wax figures with pins to stick in them?

Look on the bright side - you know all their horrible foibles so can pre empt them. Issue them with instructions before they arrive, remind them when they arrive. Leave notes. Leave bin bags and a brush and dustpan in each bedroom.

Also, invent a migrane on one of the days at least.

Agree about taking children out for lots of bracing walks.

Is there any one of the guests you can confide in a little and get on your side? even one extra ally is soemthing?

Request book tokens for the kids. Even if they don't use them, you can

I have a little advantage... they all start speaking in their own language and I can just prettend not to hear, actually, I don't pay attention any more. But yes, misterious errand or unexpected loads of extra work work wonders. My MIL thinks I spend my life in fron of the computer,though it only happens when she is around...

Paper plates and plastic cutlery.
Useful and a tad inhospitable!
Get the worst take aways possible.
Develop a bizzare hobby- opera singing should do it.

I agree about the instructions, though. It would be fun to write them up and laminate them (but I am a stationary fiend!)
Good luck

You're not wrong. SIL's an opera singer. At one stage her DH was also having lessons and they used to practise all the flippin' time.

Dannie, your rellies have a certain car-crash like compulsiveness. This can't go on. Surely.

How d'you mean?

... honestly speaking this is a no -win situation. I sometimes get so angry about MIL remarks about my ways of doing things that now, while she is around, I leave everything to DS, then she complains about how an awful wife I am and poor DH who does everything at home... Orshe tells other people we know that she doesn't see the marriage working well, curiously enough most of our discussions are MIL related so we both are always fuming and kind of hostile while she is around... though is not only my fault, MIL manages to exhasperate my normally calm husband... and then says that he used not to be like that before marrying me.... ???? why am I writing all this in your thread???

Chick pea and cauliflower curry may create enough atmosphere to scare tehm off. Maybe your family could eat it the day before they arrive!

Find out their pet hates food-wise and serve them all.

Give them vile wine (hiding a nice bottle for yourself in a cupboard so they can't see)

Give them salmon pate to start with, but buy the salmon a week in advance and store in the airing cupboard RIGHT next to the hot water tank

Spike their mulled wine with acid and sit back as they have the xmas of their lives - within an hour they will all be cowering under their duvets and you won't see them for 2 days.

to DS? no, to DH I meant...

Chandra I know, there's nothing we can do. That's why I'd like to be able to ignore it instead of getting cross, but I can't.

How about some ear pluggs? actually how about organising a Chrsitmass trip away from home? I know this year will be impossible but it may help the situation for future Chrsitmases. My MIL was so awful during the first and only Christmasw e spent together that as September aproaches I start to make plans about how to spend that time, sometimes is beter if you visit them as you have a say on when to leave. Actually, I'm not very Maquiavelic but MIL gives me a really bad time, well what I did was to convince DH to give his mum a wonderful surprise, so we traveled to her city, spend a couple of wonderful days staying with friends and surprise surprise, we just show up on D-Day!. MIL was so happy, Dh was happy that she was happy and I have managed to spend half of the holidays away from her!

I meant the awfulness surely must stop unrolling.

I like chickpea and cauli curry - shall I nip down and cook some for you?

Until quite recently, DH was pretending we were going to the Gulf for Christmas. Pretending in the sense of suggesting it, then when I offered to liaise with the travel agent, saying it was already in hand. Like I'm stupid or something

Love this thread title. Let me know if you find a cure!

Actually MI, in many ways they've stopped getting worse. Since SIL started breeding they've completely lost interest in my kids, which is wonderful. They've seen DS2 about once, maybe twice. And after MIL had her hips replaced she decided she wouldn't move any more (which as a taxpayer strikes me as poor value for money) so we hardly see them despite DH's claims that they're a very close-knit family. I'm always offering to go there (cos then we only have to stay a day)

Cam, I may seriously take you up on that. Do you really want your lovely family Christmas interrupted by the arrival of a cross and thirsty woman with one of those awful destructive nearly walking babies?

We love visitors to whom we're not related

sorry to butt in when you don't know me but this is such a great thread - I've been giggling my socks off. Last Christmas DS was 3m and very breastfed. It (obviously????) seemed like the ideal time to have everyone to our house for the first time - 8 adults, only our 2 kids. I had it all planned to military precision, including food shopping days, etc. Then what do you know but 2 relatives died a nd I found myself doing a funeral tour of Engalnd in Christmas week. Funny thing was that after that it couldn't realy get any worse and we all actually had a wonderful time. Doing it again this year - hopefully with less fatalities.

Not suggesting that you hire a hitman for any of your rels, just wanted to say good luck and make sure that lazy woman clears up her own nappies

dannie couldn't you print off a "menu" but this menu will have extras, like a timetable. to geet them as they sat at the table

traditional christmas dinner 3.00pm

someone is going to offer to help with the washing up 4.30 - 5.00 pm

choice of pudding
mince pie or traditional xmas pudd 5.00pm

someone is going to offer to clear remaining dishes 6.00pm

who braught the brandy then ( or equiv alcho? get it out the glasses are in the cupboard make mine a large one 7.00pm

coffee and after eights 8.00pm

put your children to bed 8.00-9pm

thank you for attending chez dannies hope you enjoy your stay please remember its my christmas too xxxxxxxxxmerry xmas

I dare you to do it Dannie

Love it, but it wouldn't work. Sfars they're concerned it's their Christmas, just happening in my house. Having done it twice before, I hope this time I'll just be better at standing up for myself. And DS2 does get genuinely grumpy unless exposed to regular fresh air.