Not sure where to put this- question about premature babies

[RBH]

Hi a relative of mine just gave birth to a daughter at 31 weeks and weighing just under two pounds. They have been told the next 6 weeks are critical. Does anyone know the best place for me to find out info about things like survival rate? Sorry not really sure how to put into words everything that is going on in my head.

Also not really sure what to say to her if I send a text. Want to say congratulations as I would have if the baby was bigger/had gone to term etc but don't know if that is insensitive. But don't want to not acknowledge her daughter's birth either.

31 weeks is a great age, but under 2lbs is not. It sounds like perhaps she had IUGR (Inter Utrine Growth Restriction) as that weight is about right for a 24 weeker.

However 31 weeks is good, and at that gestation I think there is at least a 90% chnce of survival.
I had a prem baby at 27 weeks and I did want congratulations. It is not insensitive to say, but I do understand your concerns. Chances are the baby will be in hospital for quite a few weeks, therefore any offers of help would be mot welcome

I think "congratulations" is fine, along with something about thinking of them over the coming weeks.

I know there were concerns that she wasn't growing properly and they were hoping she would stay put until 32 weeks. Also the mum was tiny at birth so she had loads of tests run on her although that was 30+ years ago so I am hoping that she was always going to be small regardless of any problems. Although I think I am grasping at straws a bit. So worried for them all.

I have looked at the BLISS site, thank you for that. Well it says babies born under 2lb 2 have an 80% of survival which is better than I had thought so will be really hoping for the best.

I am hoping that my mum can talk to my relative's sister and I will text then. Sort of feel cowardly though. And also guilty cos it isn't about me.

Crossed post jajas. Yes I feel that congratulations seems like an odd thing to say to someone who might lose their child. But I don't want to not acknowledge the baby either.

rbh yes but the chances are she won't lose her child. Look at the positives, My 1 12oz 27 weeker is now 8 and you would never know she was prem, I know loads of others in similar situs.

Personally congrats and thinking of you is possibly the kindest route

Hi jellyhead. All I know is that the baby has been born, the mother is fine but the next weeks are critical. What things should I find out that make a big difference? Am concerned that the parents won't get the info they need.

So which factor is more relevant, the amount of weeks gestation or the actual birth weight? Although I suspect that it is the combination.

I think that talking to the sister before saying anything is probably the best route. Baby is only a few hours old so it won't seem odd if I don't make contact until tomorrow and by then we should all know more.

Thank you so much to everyone for replying, and for all the posistive information.

rbh why won't the parents get the info they need?

In the NICU there will be loads of info, there will be leaflets and posters about who to call (BLISS etc) there will even be Dr's and nurses who should be able to aswer questions.

Sorry I understand why you are concerned, BUT if I can suggest one thing. DON'T send her info 'from the internet' as it might help.

Every case is different, the internet will not help, it will usually confuse in these situs and it will lead to a breakdown in communicatiosn between parent and drs as if teh parents are questioning and self diagnosing everything it is really really not great for anyone.

IMHO (and from one who lived through it for 97 days) support your relative, offer to help them with looking after their house, watering plants, filling their freezer with food. D
on't offer to read up on it all, tell them what should/shouldn't be happening, what the dr's should/shouldn't be doing as to be honest they need support NOT scarey statistic, otherbaby stoires etc. - can you tell my dearest MIL always came to teh hospital ARMED with c**p

I may sound ranting, but I have a broher who is a consultant pediatrician and even when I asked him anything, HE reffered me back to the team.

Neither parent is very assertive so am just concerned, probably without cause. I would never send anything to anyone health related from the internet! Or even suggest looking! I have had some pretty bad experiences with the medical profession so am just a bit jittery about accurate info in general. Partly as well I am two hours away so feel particularly helpless but I know they will have loads of support from family and friends.

RBH, my DD was born at 32 weeks, which meant her lungs werent propelry developed and she needed a ventilator for a time, she also had a pneumathorax though which didnt help. But tbh, your relatives DD has a very good chance of survival. I'd try to act as normal as possible and just let then know you are there for them. Also try not to worry too much about the hospital erring on the side of caution, they just dont want to promise something they cant. From experience, neonatal nurses/wards are a great place for the baby to be, and will do everythign possible. It's a huge possiblity that the baby will be absolutely fine, fingers x.
xx

Found out she was born by c-section at 3pm and so far everything is as good as can be expected, which is definitely no bad thing. The baby's aunt is going in tomorrow to talk to the consultants with the parents so will know more then.

RBH, I did like people saying congratulations when ds3 was born ( Emergency CS at 32 weeks) but did find certain things annoying. For example my neighbour and I were due at the same time and she always talked about ds3 being "ahead" of her dd when developmentally they were the same. ( You go by gestational age or due date rather than the date they were born IYSWIM) And people saying he would "catch up" when I really didn't think he should have to. Even now, I subtract two months from his age when talking about his development and he's nearly three now!

Agree with what jajas said. My twins were born at 29 weeks. I HATED people saying how 'sorry' they were that they were small/early, or that the birth must've been easier because they were small (yes, really! And she was surprised when I burst into tears!).

I just wanted 'normal', and to me, that meant 'Congratulations' and 'They're gorgeous' etc, and questions about whether we'd thought about names. They were in SCBU for 9 weeks and are now normal teenagers!!

agree with TSC - my ds was born at 32 weeks by emerg section and i hated people saying how small he was! I knew he was small but he is a complete fighter as babies are at that age! I too wanted "normal" - congratulations etc.

we knew he was going to be early so we bought him a very little bear (so he wasn't swamped by the size) to look after him in the hospital.

the best support is offering to do laundry, shopping, cooking etc as we certainly just wanted to be in the SCBU as much as possible so everything else goes out the window.

o'h and also when they're a litle bigger some prem prem clothes - mothercare used to do the smallest ones.

One of my DSs was born at 32 weeks. He was heavy for the gestation-5lb 3oz-and ironically I was told this made things harder for him. It meant his immature organs had to work even harder to support his bodyweight apparently. He has RDS and was on a ventilator for 5 days and in SCBU for a month. Smaller babies born at the same gestation seemed to cope better than him initially!

Sorry-should have read he "had" RDS.

By the way, a lot of people did not send cards and things until he was home and it upset me a bit. I still wanted to celebrate his birth even if he was early!

Our DD was born at 29 weeks. Most people didn't send cards which upset me. I would send congratulations and offer any practical help that you can, as others have suggested. I hope everything goes well for your family. BTW DD is now 2.5 and absolutely gorgeous and on a par developmentally with her peer group.