life throws stuff at some of us that is just too **BIG**

[NotAnOtter]

thats the only way i can describe where i am at the moment
99% of the populous just cannot comprehend how shit things can be and i would not want them to.
the enormity of the crap i have had in my life is just - well - unfair.
thats it really

oh nao.
wrong therapists... have a lot to answer for eh? you finally reach out with nervous tentative hands... and they just dont get it.
i havnt found the right one yet, but (and this is indicative of me being in a much healthier state of mind than of late ) i do hope to sometime.
sounds like some people have some fantastic leads to things which may help on this thread.

i have a huge amount of respect for you. no idea what you make of that, but i do.

i need to be able to move this thread somewhere for future use - is there any way i could do that
the advice and support i have received on here has been so so helpful and insightful. i know this is a talk board and not rl but you people have been ridiculously helpful to me today
i could go all american and say what a 'dark place ' i am in
i feel like i am living 2 lives .my life now - perfect .marred and scarred by wounds from what my parents and sisters have done to me
i am rambling now
suffice to say -THANKYOU ALL for each and every word
i wish i could talk more of what has happened to me but its probably not appropriate
respect for those of you with more on your plate than me who have taken the time out for me
best go now too much x

NAO, if you contact MNHQ that can move the whole thread over to another topic.

I glad MN have help you, I've seen afew posts from you over the last few week and so knew there was something wrong....I glad "we've"(not me presonally obviously) made your path to the furture a little clearer

How are you this morning ? Just wanted to give you some more (((((((((()))))))))).

have been thinking of you today nao.

nappies your words do mean a lot to me

everyone thankyou again for being here

dp and i ( and two babies) went out for a coffee today and some odd bod woman i vagueky know came up an chatted and chatted and chatted and then said a variety of totally inappropriate and hurtful comments about my situation.

i want to say them but again it is probably inappropriate on here

she then asked me why it had taken me 'so long' to go to the police
my four year old was playing up - my baby whining - dp was trying to sort them out....

i left the cafe and cried

sorry to ramble
i use this as a sounding board...

came home and read some mumsnet comments out to dp

he said ' THOSE are the people you should listen to'

on your behalf... good grief, what was she thinking?? some people...

listen, your dp is right; forget about people like her , right now you need to be kind to yourself and deal with what you have to deal with in the best ways you know how. and if that means walking away from people and interrogations like that, then so be it. how incredibly insensitive and innapropriate fo her to do that.

theres a lot of hurt right now. there just is, but over time it will heal, honest it will. the thing to do is not to look at the long term or the big 'will this ever be ok' picture and concentrate on small things.. like, going to bed on another day and waking up to a fresh new one. like your beautiful and loving family - the one youve created and chosen, not one you had no power to choose...

you have a lot of strength and goodness in you, trust that it will win out over any pain. think of it as antibodies maybe!

oh i dunno, am waffling now. but, just, be kind to yourself eh? and take it easy, cut yourself some slack, and allow yourself to cry and feel and deal with stuff and memories as they happen. tis ok to cry. makes stopping so much nicer

It's not inappropriate NAO.

I think it's clear that this thread is about hurtful awful things that happened to you as a child.

I know it is a taboo subject, but, I think the more this is talked about, the more people will be inclined to feel it okay to come forward - just like you have.

I'm not saying you should say for the benefit of others and the good of the cause, just that its okay to say it if you want to because it's not wrong to say what happened. You didnt do it. Am I making sense?

yes VVVqv i KNOW you are right
it still seems too too taboo
wish the world would change - maybe i should do my bit

I'm sorry these terrible things happened to you and your family failed to protect you, NAO. And crappy people like that stupid woman really don't help, I imagine.

Your dh sounds like a gem, though.

you just take care of yourself right now. if and when you have the inclination to change the world for the better, you can do it then. it'll always need it!

fwiw - i dont think theres anything you could say which would shock me. you might make me cry... but i know theres nothing you can say which would make me think 'you shouldnt be saying that'. whatever it is shouldnt have happened, thats the taboo, not talking about it once it has... why should you carry the burden of its secrecy and taboo-ness? you already have the burden of the emotional fallout, i think you can absolve yourself of the need to keep it secret OR talk about it... you just need to do whatever YOU need to do to get ok. dyswim?