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Original poster

Any tips of getting rid of a DUMMY?

58 replies

ELMTREE · 28/09/2007 08:06

My dd is 2 and a half and always wants her dummy and her cuddle blanket. She has just started pre school, but thats another story. I would like to try and cut the dummy out or at least down but not sure how to go about doing it, as when i have in the past she has gone mental. How come when you watch supernanny most children will give them up no problems.

OP posts:
tigger32 · 29/09/2007 08:47

My ds1 was 2 1/2 when we put all his dummies in a box and left them for the dummy fairy. We went out and when we returned she (daddy) had left him a present and note saying thank you," i'll pass them on to a baby now!"
That night he cried for about 20 mins then never asked for it again.

Susianna · 29/09/2007 13:07

Please, anyone? Ds still has one occasionally and is four now, so I'm worried I might be damaging him somehow?!!! Help!

I never knew they could cause any problems.

pinkteddy · 29/09/2007 14:01

Susianna they can cause problems with speech and also tooth decay. Loads of threads about this if you have a look.

LilyLoo · 29/09/2007 14:09

elmtree i took away dd's 2 dummy a couple of weeks ago. If anything he was becoming more dependant on it not less. She was happy to go without it at preschool and nursery though. We just went cold turkey. I told her i was taking it the following week and it was going to the dummy fairies.
I ought her a gift bag with some new peppa pj's she wanted and some hair bobbles and clips and a lip gloss. I then got het to help me collect all her dummies and we put them in a box and she left them outside her bedroom door to be swapped with the gift from the fairies.
She sat with them for a few minutes before giving them me. We did have tears for half an hour that night and less the following and that was pretty much it. She doesn't even talk about it now. She loved the present and wants her pj's on all the time.

Although we now have a problem with her settling herself back off to sleep when she wakes this last week so are in the process of using a sticker chart for that one !
Good luck!

Mamamoor · 29/09/2007 16:27

We managed to cut out day time use without too much trouble - it was nap/night time we had a problem with. We eventually told her that her dummy had discovered that 'he' was bad for her teeth now that she was a big girl so had decided that it was time to go and live with the tooth fairy so she could have lovely straight teeth!! - sounds bonkers but she seemed to understand. We had a couple of nights of tears and she would occasionally ask where it was but otherwise she took it all really well. It helped that I bought her a new soft toy of her choosing to cuddle at bed time and a new sparkly pink toothbrush!

HopingThisIsJustAStageBut · 29/09/2007 18:08

I was dreading DS1 giving up his dummy. We had thought about it for ages and then waited until a relatively quiet time in our lives (i.e. not Christmas, not unsettled due to nursery, new baby etc etc) and suggested he tried to go without it while DH was away on business for a week as a surprise for him. I offered an enormous bribe too and much to my surprise, he gave it up without a fuss. I can't tell you how dependant on it he had become at night time.

I think you need to get the timing absolutely right and ensure that they are emotionally stable and happy enough to go without it. If not, I think it will just be replaced with nail biting or something else.

TheGoddessBlossom · 29/09/2007 19:27

Took them all away on his 3rd birthday. In hindsight would have waited till the following day as he cried himself to sleep. Got a friend who is a policeman to come round in full uniform and tell him he was taking them all to give to a baby that needed them, he got a much wanted present in exchange the whole thing was hilarious and I wish I'd filmed it.

He struggled for three nights to get himself off to sleep but hasn't asked for it since then. I miss it most in the car as he now does not stop talking. Sigh.

ChantillyLace · 29/09/2007 19:58

Susianna it is a myth that they cause any damage - have checked with Orthodontist and there is no danger to teeth (and definitely no speech problems as it's perfect). We have told dd3 that Santa will take them in exchange for presents and at the moment she seems resally proud to give them away. She will be 4 when she gives them up (if she gives them up) if not who cares, she only has it at bedtime

pinkteddy · 29/09/2007 23:22

well I don't think everyone would agree with your orthodontist Chantilly see here and
also here. Also many speech therapists do think they have an affect on speech skills.

Susianna · 30/09/2007 07:04

Thankyou for those links. Although I do think an orthodontist might know more about tooth problems than a literacy website, that's just my opinion.
It does seem to say that it can only cause tooth decay if dipped in sweet stuff, and I think most of us would be aware of the foolishness of doing that!
I can see the point about persistent sucking causing infection to shift between points inside the ear canal etc. as that makes sense.
I suppose Ds wasn't really in the thick of it though as he only started using one when he was around 2 - occasional and nothing more - I did even try to give him one as a small baby, but he just spat it out.
I think if he had taken to it and been truly dependant it would have started to piss me off. But I think by the time a child is four or more, they usually aren't so much at risk of problems caused by it. Certainly Ds (may be an exception) has speech that is commented on by nearly everyone we meet - ie huge vocabulary and very clear. However if he has his dummy in, he talks appallingly so I have been known to shout 'take that thing out, I can't understand you!'

The only thing that really upsets me is when people we don't know tell him he's too old etc. It upset him a lot (and me) when he returned to preschool, very fragile after the birth of his brother, to have it taken away by the helper there - and his bottle, which he does still have for comfort - saying he was a 'big boy now', this was when he was crying and I had gone home. I couldn't believe the insensitivity at that moment in his life!

I would say don't worry too much if your child still has one at 3, 4...he never misses it these days and only uses one if he finds it under the bed or something!

OzJo · 30/09/2007 10:21

With Dd she was about 2 and a half, just had the dummy for nightime, but very attatched to it...we used the dummy fairy to get her to give it up...let her know that the dummy fairy needs the big girls dummies to melt down to make new dummies for the just born babies....On the night itself she was dead upset, cried herself to sleep ( 10 minutes )but was very pleased with the little ballerina box that she got. She was a bit upset the next night, but no wailing, then fine. With my son, he started getting a bit ambivilant about useing it when 14 months or so, so we just stopped using it..save all the fannying around later on.
Good luck,

Mamadadude · 30/09/2007 21:03

My DD has just turned two and has started chewing hers. I've thrown a couple away as she bit right through them and now I have just two left. Don't really want to buy more. I was planning to get her to leave them for Father Christmas but I can't see them lasting that long! Might just bin them if she chews through the rest and say there's no more. Not sure if I'm brave enough though!

JoshandJamie · 30/09/2007 21:53

My DS turned 2 two weeks ago. I warned him the week before his birthday that on his birthday we were going to a special fair (a county show) and that at the fair, we were going to throw his dummy in the bin and in return he'd get chocolate buttons (smarties).

I said it so often that we got to the point where if I said dummy, he said 'bin'.

So at the show, we duly went over to a big bin and I asked him if he wanted to say bye to his dummy and get chocolate buttons. He gave it a last suck and then threw them in the bin (I have to say, I nearly cried - it was an end of an era).

Anyway, he got his chocolate buttons. When he got tired later on he yelled for it but we didn't have it so couldn't give in. He fell asleep.

He was unsettled the first two nights - but not nearly the screamfest I expected. He spent one week waking at night and now he has completely forgotten about it. Well nearly - he still occasionally asks for it if upset - but I just say: where is your dum? And he says: bin. And we move on.

Honestly, a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. So I would say, whatever you game plan is, give warning, have a treat in store, don't back down and don't have any in the house. Ride it out. It will be over soon. Good luck

PS - you should also try to cut down on dummy use before you get rid of it - so only let her have it at naptimes for example. That way it's easier. Also introduce some of other kinds of comforter - like her blankie or a teddy as a replacement.

cornflakemummie · 30/09/2007 21:59

I used bribery!!! I brought a pot of 20 dinosaurs for my ds when he was 2 1/2. He got one for going to bed without it and another one in the morning if he went right through the night. If he really wanted it he could but he had to give me back a dinosaur! He was a bit reluctant at first but soon got the idea of the game and enjoyed "earning" his reward. He also liked the thought that if he REALLY wanted it he could but he never wanted it enough to give back a dinosaur!!

mrsmalumbas · 30/09/2007 22:00

Bribery here too, but in DD's case it was a Barbie scooter. She agreed to it, whimpered a bit the first night and then never even mentioned it ever again after that. Mind you she was 3

Original poster
ELMTREE · 01/10/2007 09:35

Thank you all so much for your views and theories, I am going to cut down on the amount of time she has it. Not sure if DH will be able to put up with the wingeing theou and will prob give in. Maybe if i hide them from him aswell. Going to start today. In fact dummy is under my leg at the moment while dd is asking for it. Ill keep you all informed.

With regard to whether it does anything to their speech, I just dont like the way she speaks with it in her mouth and im sure her teeth are protruding slightly......just my view.

OP posts:
twelveyeargap · 01/10/2007 09:47

My uncle gave me a book he used for his DD called The Last Noo Noo about a baby monster who buries his dummy and it grows a tree.

By the time DD remembered there was supposed to be a tree, she didn't need the dummy any more.

twelveyeargap · 01/10/2007 09:48

Sorry, we buried her dummy... Bit slow this morning.

LoveMyGirls · 01/10/2007 10:45

It's not going so well here, dd2 is miserable without it (yeah i know she is going to be but im talking not the same child!) we have been strong up until today when she woke up with a stinking cold on top of her fractured colar bone so im giving in ill try again in a few weeks when she is better in the mean time i will slightly cut down her use of it but not going to stop her having it completely.

Fibrav · 01/10/2007 13:07

My DS is nearly two and a couple of months ago had his dummy a fair amount in the day - every time he needed calming down from something, as well as nap and bed times.
We started to put them in the cot in the day, so he had to go in if he wanted the dummy.

Now using the cot bed, so he could get them, so we did some handprints and now the dummies live behind these up on the shelf during the day. He wants it more when he can see the dummy!

We started getting stricter - it takes a little(!) effort to distract him instead of using it but he now only has it bed/naps/car (not strong enough for that one yet!).

Will use the present/santa route by the time he's 3...

Good luck LoveMyGirls - wait until a calm day then go for it and be strong!:-)

hellish · 01/10/2007 13:34

Just one thing- surely Santa would NEVER take away something you love away. Why would you ruin Christmas?

ziopin · 01/10/2007 13:51

We took our ds2 to a local farm and he gave it to a baby cow!!

Took 5 minutes to settle that night, but that was it!

AttillaTheHan · 01/10/2007 14:19

When our ds was 2.6 we explained about the dummy fairy and he chose what toy/ gift he would get in return for giving away all his dummies.
Just before bedtime we collected them all up and put them in a bag at the front door.
He was told in no uncertain terms that he had to go straight to sleep or the fairy might not come.
The next morning he found a fairy bag by the door with a teddy in. The fairy's note explained that the new teddy could cuddle him every time he missed his dummy.
It worked like a dream. He asked for the dummy about twice but never with much conviction. Loves his teddy...
Good luck.

AttillaTheHan · 01/10/2007 14:21

Oh and I agree with hellish don't confuse christmas with the end of dummies. It also could double your stress at christmas.

We did it in october I think.

tigger32 · 01/10/2007 14:30

Sorry pinkteddy but i have to agree with susianna, ds1 had a dummy from about 6 weeks until 2 1/2, he was an early talker who spoke much better than most of friends and every time we visit the dentist he comments on his lovely teeth! My niece however sucks her thumb (my sister hates dummies) and didn't even start to try to talk until she was nearly 2 and even now its not great speech. I think that all children are so different and will do things in their own time, they all have their own needs. Some need to suck to give them comfort and some don't! And at least you can throw a dummy away should you want to, but children suck their thumbs for as long as they like and there is nothing that can be done!

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