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Original poster

So bloody angry with dh - someone please talk to me

30 replies

dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:01

DH went out last night for a few beers with his brother to watch the rugby. I went to bed at 11 pm and wasnt worried as i expected him to be home at about 12. I woke up 3/4 hour ago and he wasn't home, wasn't answering his phone etc and I started to get worried so i rang BIL's phone and SIL answered to say BIL had been home for about 1/2 hour and was plastered. I rang dh's phone again and again until he answered and he is pissed out of his head. He's talking nonsence and told me he'd been hit by people and he didn't know where he was. I had a go becuase he's due in at work at 7.30 tomorrow morning and he's already in trouble so he hung up on me and put the phone down.

This is where we were at when i started writing this post - 1/2 way through he has turned up at the door - his face is covered in bruises and grazes and is swollen and he wants my sympathy FFS I just want to smack him myself i am so bloody angry. i started this thread becuase I was so worried about him as he wasn't back and didn't know where he was. i rang his Mum as well I was so worried and so now we're all bloody awake I wanted someone on here to keep me calm as i didn't know what to do or how to find him. Now i could just do with some company.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:07

Oooh - I hate that middle of the night fury.

Is there something you can do now - before he falls asleep - that will lessen his hangover? What about getting him to drink lots of water or eat something to absorb the alcohol? Take paracetamol before bed? I honestly don't know....

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:09

He's just too pissed earylbird and his face is a mess - there's no way he's going to be able to go to work.

I'm still shaking from the worry and anger. He's also passed out now.

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Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:11

If you're serious about helping him get up in time for work, I think you've got to be practical just now - hence my earlier suggestions.

I can understand you being furious, but it's wasted energy on your part when he's in this condition. Do what you can to get him on his feet for work.

There's nothing worse than having a fight/argument with someone who is drunk. They're completely irrational, and you won't accomplish anything other than inflaming the situation and upsetting yourself further. Save it for when he can actually hear/remember what you say.

Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:13

Awful. I'm sorry.

Do you think he'll lose his job if he doesn't go in?

What are your plans for tomorrow?

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:16

I know what you're saying and I haven't said much since he came in - he kept trying to tell me what happened but i told him to go to bed and i'd speak to him tomorrow. He's asleep now and there's no way he will wake up - i can't wake him even when he's 1/2 that pissed.

I'm going to have to ring one of his colleagues at about 6.30 am and get him some cover. He's a manager in a supermarket and there's no way he will be able to go to work looking like he does. I just hope that his face goes down and he doesn't end up with a black eye as he is due to have a disciplinary and that will not look good.

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Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:18

He shouldn't lose his job if I say he is sick but the trouble is that its obvious he's been in a fight.

I didn't have any real plans for tomorrow tbh which is just as well becuase I can't see me getting back to sleep anytime soon.

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Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:21

Sounds as if he made a huge mistake in judgement. Did BIL get in the fight also?

Do you think you can go to sleep now? You should try or you'll be wrecked tomorrow.

Again, I'm sorry. I had an ex who did crap like that, and it's awful.

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:24

I asked SIL and she says she honestly doesn't know. From some of DH's ramblings I don't think BIL was there. He's never done anything like this before - I've seen him drunkenly square up to people only twice in over 10 years and its never resulted in a fight befre. He also doesn't go out much and tends to have about one stupidly drunken night a year at the xmas do with his work colleages so this really isn't his style but i'm bloody livid with him all the same.

God knows how much money he's spent!

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j20baby · 15/09/2007 04:26

me too, i had an ex that did stuff like that, it really makes you angry especially when your so tired yourself! let him get himself up and sort work out, set your alarm and kick him out of bed, get him to say he's got a cold or sickness and dioreah(sp) or something.

Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:29

You've every right to be livid.

Do you have dc, and if so, how old are they?

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:30

I will try to kip soon I just needed to vent as I am still so wound up. TBH when I'd managed to speak to him before he got home and he sounded in such a state i was really worried - thats why i called my MIL as i didn't know what to do. The children are asleep and i had some wine last night and I'm sure i must still be over the limit so I couldn't go out looking for him. I was shaking and actually felt sick which really isn't me at all.

MIL tried to ring him and get sense out of him so she could go and get him but he switched his phone off! Then in the middle of talking to her he turned up at the door. I was glad he was home and not seriously hurt (although i was tempted to inflict some injuries of my own)and then of course i was just angry. Have stopped shaking now but still wound up.

Thanks for talking to me - its helped

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j20baby · 15/09/2007 04:33

hope he is suitably ashamed in the morning

at least he didn't come in and pee everywhere like my ex used to, the twat!

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:33

If it wasn't for the fact that his face is a mess and he's obviously had a fight i really wouldn't be too concerned about the job. Angry with him for being so irresponsible yes but one day off on a sickee would have been ok. Trouble is it will be obvious what has happened as soon as they see him on sunday.

Children are 8 and 7 and thankfully haven't woken up.

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Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:33

Glad the companionship was helpful.

Maybe a bit flippant - but does this make you feel better?

www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007421007,00.html

Sweet dreams, and good luck tomorrow.

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:34

Weeing everywhere used to be one of his party tricks j20baby. He hadn't done it for years but when i first met him there were a few times!

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Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:35

lol earlybird

David's not really my thing but I'm still smiling

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Earlybird · 15/09/2007 04:40

Well - that was the whole point.

G'night.

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:41

I think maybe i'd better tell work that he has been mugged or something. That would explain the mess of his face. And he's a big bloke so its quite feasible that he would throw some punches of his own in that situation and walk away without losing his wallet/phone etc.

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Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 04:43

night earlybird

I'm just finishing my cup of tea and then i'll be going to try and get some sleep.

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Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 07:28

Well i didn't manage to get any sleep and i also couldn't contact his colleague as he has smashed his phone

I got him up though and he's gone into work but I think it would have been better to call in sick tbh as he's still pissed but he wouldn't listen to me.

He says that he ended up being beaten up by a gang of lads after he tried to calm an incident down which does sound about right but I'm still angry becuase none of this would have happened if he hadn't got so bloody pissed. He has an incident card from the police which he says is in case he wants to press charges. I think he's being honest as I'm sure he'd have been arrested if it was anything else but arghhhh

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j20baby · 15/09/2007 09:44

well, dusty, it does sound plausible, it is the beer that makes them think its a good idea at the time! i hope you manage to get a couple of hours nap today or if not, at least don't have too much of a stressful day

Carmenere · 15/09/2007 09:51

Jeez Dusty, I know you were worried and he shouldn't have gotten so pissed and put himself at risk but he could have been seriously injured. And he won't be in trouble with work because he was beaten up. I think you maybe should be a bit easier on him.

edam · 15/09/2007 10:17

I think you are right to be angry that he got so pissed and put the phone down on you. But if he did try to calm an incident down that's admirable, isn't it? Only he was probably crap at it, drink affecting his judgement and all that.

Hope he's suitably apologetic when he gets home.

Original poster
dustystar · 15/09/2007 10:25

He'll be in trouble with work for still being pissed when he gets in not because he was beaten up. Obviously its good that he would stick up for someone else but if he hadn't got himself in such a state he wouldn't have been there.

It was supposed to be a few beers while they watched the rugby and then home not a drunken night until the early hours. Both he and his brother had work early this morning and IMO by their mid thirties they should bloody well know better than to get into that kind of state. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't supposed to be working

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Earlybird · 15/09/2007 13:21

Hi dusty - sounds as if you're making the best of a bad situation. I imagine he's going to be suffering at work today, and he's certainly not going to win 'employee of the month' for going in pissed/bloody/stinking of beer! But it would equally be bad if he hadn't gone in at all....tough one all around.

One thing though - you said he put the phone down on you last night when you finally managed to contact him. So the fight/phone smashing was after that? I had the impression he was home not long after you spoke to him.

Whatever happened, let's hope he and his brother have learned something from this episode. And tbh, as angry as you are, it might be better to talk with him about it tomorrow - if you can wait that long. You're both exhausted, he's hungover and bound to be feeling extremely rough - I think chances of an effective/sensible conversation anytime today/tonight are minimal. Are you good at the silent treatment/cold shoulder? That maybe should be your strategy for today....