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Original poster

older mothers are they wierd ?

49 replies

GreatExpectations · 04/10/2004 11:50

As an older mother myself I feel qualified to ask this question.I cannot believe the prejudice I have come up against since finding myself pregnant with my fouth child,from being asked if I want an abortion for no reason other than my age (even though my tests/scans etc were clear)to unfriendliness and rejection from some other mums and professionals.
I am somebody that enjoys a good laugh, attempting new things and most importantly meeting new people. I am not ancient,over the hill or past it but I am totally fed up !!!!

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 04/10/2004 11:52

Don't know how old you are GE but I don't see that its that unusual these days - women seem to be having babies later and later - have to say though glad I had mine at a young age - cos now I'M FREE (well sort of!)

JanH · 04/10/2004 11:55

How old are you, GE? I had my 4th at 42 but IIRC from another thread you are older than that - 48? I remember being impressed by your obvious stamina, actually!

The wonderful thing (well one of the wonderful things) about mumsnet - and the internet in general - is that nobody can see you or hear you or judge you by anything other than the content of what you say. Try to ignore the RL miseries as much as you can and stick with us!

Skate · 04/10/2004 11:58

GE - is it really related to your age do you think or just because it's your 4th and people think you are mad?!

My friend is pg with her 3rd - she's probably in her mid-30s - and says she's had a lot of negative reaction with people always asking her if it was planned or was it a mistake and 'OMG are you mental'. Really quite rude IMO.

I might go for a 4th - I'm 32 - and would also fully expect gasps of disbelieve and looks of horror which would really irritate me.

acnebride · 04/10/2004 11:58

Congratulations GE. Have you read The American Way of Birth by Jessica Mitford? Something that made me laugh was her description of being pregnant at the advanced age of 30 - all her friends were horrified and told her she was crazy to have a baby so late, and that she should think about having a teenager at 45....!

They should be so lucky, frankly. I hope all goes v well for you.

iota · 04/10/2004 11:59

WEll I'm an older mother (babies at 40 and 42) and I'm definitely weird

Actually, I think of myself as a 'late developer' - got married for the first and only time in my mid 30s. I'm just 10 yrs behinfd eveyone else - good thing I managed to snaffle a toyboy husband

Skate · 04/10/2004 11:59

GE - and in fact, friends MIL said, when she got pg with no 3 - don't be coming to me in 2 years saying you're having another!!

I'd have decked her!

triplets · 04/10/2004 12:05

Hi all,
People just shouldnt judge, you never know what may have happened in somebodies life. I gave birth to triplets at 46, those who dont know that we had lost our only child give us some awful looks, like we are ancient. I have to say that I think I`ve got just as much stamina if not more than alot of the younger Mums at school. Enjoy your children, time goes so very quickly, and just listen to your heart.

Original poster
GreatExpectations · 04/10/2004 12:22

Yes I am 48 with 3 amazing older girls and now a lovely son and think its great,my own children are thrilled by his birth- its just the reaction I have had from others that makes me so cross.
However I am really grateful for your quick and timely responses ...I feel encouraged -thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
GreatExpectations · 04/10/2004 12:26

I guess it could be both Skate, there is a fourteen year gap and I suppose most people would be amazed by that.I sometimes feel quite isolated.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreatExpectations · 04/10/2004 12:31

Triplets, I can't imagine what that must have been like for you but I am so pleased that you now have your triplets .How old are they? And how do you manage... do you have help?

OP posts:
welshmum · 04/10/2004 12:32

I think how weird we're seen as depends on where we are. I'm definitely weirder in N Wales than in N London. Got some strange looks in soft play in Wales - but it might have been my 'kooky' London fashions.....

sponge · 04/10/2004 12:36

I'm filled with admiration. I've just had my second at 41 and am finding it quite tiring, but I certainly wouldn't change anything. He's gorgeous. You're lucky that your older ones can be of some help. Mine is 4 and tries to help but the benefits of her efforts are dubious .

Easy · 04/10/2004 12:41

GE I was 39 when I had ds, like Iota I started late with husband and stuff.

My own father couldn't understand why I wanted to have a child, after all I'd got my career, we could afford nice cars and holidays etc. and I was determined to be a SAHM at least until ds started school.

I have found it annoying that sometimes I have been asked about my grandson. Mind you, I did let myself get a bit dowdy, and have started work on improving that, so hopefully those comments will stop soon.

Good luck to you GE. I do think we older mums value our time with our children more than the youngies, but we probably spoil them more too (esp yours if he has big sisters to coo over him!)

Davros · 04/10/2004 12:49

I was 43 when I had DD last year (DS also 8 then). I haven't come up against any prejudice, it would prob be the other way round in this area The reason for my great age (!) is that I was unwell for some years after having DS so advised not to get pg until better. Not a deliberate choice but fine with it (and weird!)

Blackduck · 04/10/2004 12:51

I had ds at 39...only thing I found was everyone assumed we had been trying for years (we hadn't...)

Easy · 04/10/2004 12:55

Hey Blackduck, Snap

My Mother and sister always assume ds was a mistake, which I find quite hurtful really.

Blackduck · 04/10/2004 12:58

Hi Easy - trouble is ds WAS an accident!!

Easy · 04/10/2004 13:15

Ah!

Bet you love him tho'.

We didn't try for ages, just thought we'd see if it happened. Major shock for me when it did tho

tangerinecath · 04/10/2004 13:19

Hi GE, your story made me smile as it sounds so much like my Mum's - I am the eldest of 4 children now aged 30, 28, 26 and 13... my sister was born when my Mum was 42 (she didn't know she was pg till 25 wks - thought it was early menopause ). People asked her loads of rude questions such as, was it an accident (it was!) or are you on your second marriage (she wasn't, we all have the same Dad).

Having my sister has kept my Mum young, and she (my sister) hasn't missed out on anything at all because she has an older Mum. Sadly my Dad died when she was 14 months, and Mum has said that my sister has given her a reason to pick herself up and carry on with her life. There is only the two of them living at home now and they have an excellent relationship, which includes plenty of healthy disagreements!

From the older child's perspective, I was delighted when my sister was born and being the age I was meant I could help out with her as a baby, which has given me loads of confidence in handling my own dd (now 13 weeks).

Congratulations on you ds, I know you'll have loads of fun with him.

Cam · 04/10/2004 14:31

I've been a young mum and now I'm an older mum and I'm very weird (but who wants to be normal anyway)

Lonelymum · 04/10/2004 14:50

GE I think it is more that you had a fourth and that there is such a big age gap between your girls and your boy, rather than anything to do with your age. I am pleased for you, but I suppose if I knew you by sight, say in the playground, and you suddenly were pregnant after a long gap, I would probably imagine your pregnancy was unplanned. Having said that, plenty of people have a later child. Two of my neighbours in fact. One has children aged 19, 16 and 6, and the other has children aged about 16, 14 and 5.
FWIW, when I had my fourth (at the tender age of 38) lots of people seemed to think I had got pregnant by mistake even though my others are only 7, 5 and 3 years older than my fourth. It led me to feel rather spoilt indulging in what some people obviously see as an unnecessary fourth child.

suedonim · 04/10/2004 15:39

Like Cam, I've been a young and an old mum. My four are 29, 25, 17 and 8. But I don't think I've really come across any prejudice, no one's ever said that I'm mad or anything. I was once asked if no3 was a mistake but that was because the friend thought she herself was accidentally pg and was in a bit of a state about it. (False alarm, btw!)

Either I haven't received such attitudes, or I've chosen to blank out negative messages - if anything, I'd say some folk are quite envious of us.

yingers74 · 04/10/2004 15:44

greatexpectations, am sorry to hear this. I am neither a young or old mum but am surprised that you are being treated this way especially as so many women are now waiting until they are in their mid thirties before having their first child. I look young although am 29 and I have had some rude looks and comments from others at playgroups etc who thought I was a young single mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mad I know. Now I am a regular face, this has stopped as people realise I am not 16. best to ignore it,, you can't do anything about other people's silly prejudices.

aloha · 04/10/2004 16:08

I'm quite sure some of us a very strange people, but not because we had our children later in life. It's entirely normal and natural. It really, really doesn't matter what other people think. I couldn't care less what people think of my being pregnant at 41. I don't feel old and my son thinks I'm beautiful (as does my husband!) I've never had a single unpositive response. I think my MIL was a bit surprised, but hey, that's all about her and her expectations and nothing to do with me. She's pleased now, anyway. And so am I, which is really the only important thing.

triplets · 04/10/2004 17:04

Me again,
Greatexpectations my trio will be 7 in Jan, and they are exhausting! Harry will be 64 in Jan and I will be 53 in March! We haven`t had any help, Harry took early retirement with P&O when they were 3 months old as we quickly realized shift work and triplets was not going to work! We both get very tired and life can be very stressful, but after living with the most horrendous stress of losing Matthew I suppose we can cope with anything! Matthew would have been 25 this year, so it is an enormous gap.