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Original poster

older mothers are they wierd ?

49 replies

GreatExpectations · 04/10/2004 11:50

As an older mother myself I feel qualified to ask this question.I cannot believe the prejudice I have come up against since finding myself pregnant with my fouth child,from being asked if I want an abortion for no reason other than my age (even though my tests/scans etc were clear)to unfriendliness and rejection from some other mums and professionals.
I am somebody that enjoys a good laugh, attempting new things and most importantly meeting new people. I am not ancient,over the hill or past it but I am totally fed up !!!!

OP posts:

nutcracker · 04/10/2004 17:06

I really don't see why it should matter to anyone how old you are. As long as you are a good mom then what difference does it make.

iota · 04/10/2004 17:14

oh nutty - what's a whipper-snapper like you doing on this thread?

Thomcat · 04/10/2004 17:24

oh yeah really weird!!!!!!!!!!!

(That was a joke btw!)

i'm surprised anyone would think there was anything odd about having kids at whatever age. I understand people thinking it a shame when kids get pregnant, ie, 14 / 16 etc, but a woman / man later on in their life contunuing to havea family, no why is that wierd?

My uncle just had baby no 6 and he's 63. He's a really hands on doting fun father. So I have a cousin younger than my own daughter, great, so lovley the family is still growing bigger and bigger.

nutcracker · 04/10/2004 17:34

iota

It's a thread about babies, how can i not post, i'm having a broody day again today

Seriously though it annoys me when people think they can tell other people when and how many kids they can have.

I had my first at 19, but 19 or 49, makes no difference to me.

misdee · 04/10/2004 17:39

my mum is now in her 40's, so i'm gusing my nan is in her 60's. when my younger was born (now 22) my nan had just given birth to my aunt.

Davros · 04/10/2004 20:30

My DH (now 45) was born when his mum was 40 which was VERY unusual in those days, especially as she'd "already had her family", his two sisters 15 and 20 years older. Never heard if she had any rude comments etc though.

JanH · 04/10/2004 20:59

My brother will be 40 in November and our mother was 42 when he was born - yes he was an accident (I was 13 and older brother was 15) and she was really self-conscious and embarrassed about it. Not sure if she had any rude comments but she wasn't happy about the whole thing.

Much better now I think!

jabberwocky · 04/10/2004 21:23

I was 38 when ds was born and dh was 54. No one has said anything rude to me, but someone commented to dh about his lovely grandson! (and it was dh's 55th birthday ).
I had a really difficult time of it, pregnancy wise. My brother, who is a physician, said that it was due to waiting so long to have my first and that basically my body was in shock at the experience.
For those of you who had babies at a young age and then again in your late thirties/early forties did it seem different or harder? Any first time mums in the older age group have a similar experience to mine?

iota · 04/10/2004 21:32

Jabberwocky - as a fisrt time older mum, I have to say that both my pregnancies were good - I didn't have morning sickness at all. However both of them went overdue and I ended up with 2 c-sections , so can't comment on labour or childbirth

jabberwocky · 04/10/2004 21:42

No morning sickness for me either. Things just went really bad the last trimester. Of course, I know that is always the tough one but I seemed to get it in spades.

Matonic · 04/10/2004 21:44

I had ds at 41 and while no-one thought he was a mistake, I was amazed at the number of people who assumed he was IVF.
All the best, GE, as someone has already said very wisely, it really doesn't matter if you're 16 or 46. Mind you, ds at 2.5 yo has made dp and myself go to the gym more regularly - we need to get fit to keep up with him!

jasper · 04/10/2004 23:33

Yes, if I'm anything to go by

wizzysmum · 04/10/2004 23:43

Funny moment - dh recognised granny of baby opposite ours in postnatal ward. She was in his class at school! Apart from that and time at anc when midwife asked if we'd been using contraception and we got the giggles (joint age 82) I don't feel past it at all. Like others most of the shock has been at us having 4 children. I adore my baby - I'm so glad we had her even if I do look about 123 when I look in the mirror at the moment.

Original poster

GreatExpectations · 05/10/2004 00:40

I found my 4th labour much harder than my other 3, my first was a breech delivery attended by the whole world and although she weighed 8lbs 10oz she eventually popped out,2nd and 3rd were quite painful but very short.No.4 seemed to go on for ever!!!!.
I'm sorry to have moaned I quess it was just a bad day. I am really grateful for all the comments, most of the time I feel like I am a twenty something and I completely forget how old I am.thanks for helping me get it all into perspective

OP posts:

Original poster

GreatExpectations · 05/10/2004 00:42

Oh by the way full of admiration for you Triplet and your hubby

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almost40 · 05/10/2004 02:51

Excellent thread, GE. To go back to Skate's point, I think people do think having 4 children in this day and age is really weird. I have only 2 friends who have 4 children - 1 friend had her 4th after her DH had a failed vasectomny. Of course when we were growing up, most of my friends who were 1 of at least 4. There were at least 3 families in our neighborhood who had 7 children - Catholic, no surprise. I don't think that people think I'm strange because I started my family so late. They seem to assume that every woman wants to have at least one child, no matter what age they are. It's just when you have more than 2, people do think there's something wrong with you or you've had an accident - especially if the 3rd or 4th come after one of each sex. My example is that I'm 38 now, and have a 9 month old and 2.5 year old. Now everyone says that I'm clearly 'done'. My mother has actually advised that I shouldn't have any more children because my life will be 'too hard'. My MIL also has hinted that I should stop having children. It does bother me, but as I do not want to have a 3rd now, I try hard to ignore them. I don't know how I'll feel at 41, but I'm thinking now that that would be a nice age to have a 3rd. I've only told one person that, and she said - you really should have one now if you want another because you're not getting any younger. . .

Anyway, sorry so long, but as advised to me in another thread, when it comes to having children, you must do what feels right for you and only YOU know what's right for you, be it 5 or 10 children at the age of 50. Having a child never makes 'rational sense' at whatever age. You go with your gut and create what feels like family to you. I'm clearly trying to convince myself of this too. Good luck!

almost40 · 05/10/2004 02:54

And by the way, yes, I'm weird but it's not because I'm older or a mum.

nikkim · 05/10/2004 09:34

Perhaps older mums are perceived as wierd because they ahve developed the confidence to do things the way they wish rather the conforming to the latest whims and fashions without worrying what others will think and say.

iota · 05/10/2004 09:44

nikkim- interesting point - I have a friend in her 20s (yes I know I'm old enought o be her mother and she has 2 children about the same age as mine- she has felt intimidated by HV's and feels that sometimes people dismiss her as a young mother.

Personally, I did a lot of reading before having the baby, found a lot of conflicting advice, decided what seemed appropriate for me and did things my way.

And yeah, now an experienced mother of 2, I really don't care what others think - BTW even my own mother told me I was too old to have kids!!

aloha · 05/10/2004 10:13

Jabbewocky, your brother is undoubtedly a lovely man....but he's talling b**cks!! In shock indeed! I had placenta praevia with my first pregnancy at 37 - but felt wonderfully well throughout, no sickness, not tired, absolutely normal blood pressure etc worked very hard launching a new magazine and recovered fast from a caesarian. Now I'm 41 and am pg and have no complications at all, not sick, not any more tired than anyone else (actually not tired at all now over first 12 weeks) feel strong and well.
Studies show that older women do just as well as younger women when pregnant, unless they have pre-existing conditions such as diabetes, high BP etc which sometimes arise with increasing age.

Original poster

GreatExpectations · 05/10/2004 13:02

Yes I agree Aloha, my pregnancy was really enjoyable with less sickness and more energy than I remember having with my first and certainly I had no sciatica like I had with my third baby (needed physio).After the battery of tests, the consultant in London said if I had been a mum in my late 30's he would have classified my risk as a 15 year old (meant i was healthy and very fit). The length of my 4th labour was more to do with the size of baby rather than my age.

OP posts:

Original poster

GreatExpectations · 05/10/2004 13:07

Almost40 I believe you have to do what is right for you, your partnerand your other children.
Thanks for the encouragement.

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muminlondon · 05/10/2004 13:08

I seem to remember research last year that although fertility declines very quickly in the ten years before menopause, the timing of the menopause is genetic and in some female lines it can be very late, i.e. in their fifties or sixties. In my family there seems to be a tradition of having babies (and twins) at 35-40, certainly in the last 3 generations.

motherinferior · 05/10/2004 13:21

Loads of MNers had 'late' babies. I am beginning to feel positively spritely, having produced dd1 at 37 and dd2 at 41. Although next time DP's mum refers to my age I shall bop her one.

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