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Original poster

Would you find it rude to ask somebody else's child to remove their dummy when talking to you?

38 replies

hotcrumpets · 14/08/2007 21:40

I would appreciate honest opinions here (like i'm going to get anything else )

I have a good friend who although we differ in parenting styles we seem to get along quite well as do our lo's.

Her DS (a few weeks off 2) has a dummy all of the time even when eating he kind of just eats round it.

Anyhow we went to see them tonight and as I walked in the door he started chatting away and I couldn't understand him as he had his dummy in, he is a very good talker for his age but kind of lisps his words with his dummy in. So I asked him to take it out and talk to me. He took it out straight away and even handed it to me and then carried on talking.

He later found another dummy on the sofa and put it back in and then carried on talking to me as we were both playing on the floor. So I asked him to take his dummy out when he was talking to me. His mum then said

'I really can't see how you dont understand him with his dummy in'

I was a bit surprised and just said 'oh I can but it's a bit easier if he hasn't got his dummy in'

She then said 'well if you can understand him can you stop asking him to take it out'

I can't stop thinking about it now and feel like she might of thought I was being rude, which I really wasn't.

So what I would like to know is if you would ask a child to remove his dummy when talking to you or if your child has a dummy would you find it rude if somebody asked them to remove it.

If I have been rude I don't mind saying sorry I honestly didn't realise it may come across as rude.

TIA

OP posts:
oyu · 14/08/2007 21:43

Totally agree with you. My nephew uses a dummy and his speech is awful with it. When he takes it out it is so much better. For the life of me I have no idea why my sister-in-law insists upon the dummy.

I shall probably get flamed for this but my mother and I get him to take it out when she isn't around.

handlemecarefully · 14/08/2007 21:44

Perhaps she is a little self conscious about his over reliance on a dummy and thus waq a little oversensitive

notnowbernard · 14/08/2007 21:46

Bizarre response from your friend, especially as the little boy had no problem taking it out to talk to you

Gobbledigook · 14/08/2007 21:46

I'd have done the same hotcrumpets - kids shouldn't speaking with them in anyway, it's not very good for their speech development is it?!

Eating with it in? God, that's gross.

PeachesMcLean · 14/08/2007 21:46

Yes, she does sound sensitive about it. But I've asked children to take their dummy out - don't much care what their parents think because I can't understand a word otherwise. and the kid never seems to care.

WideWebWitch · 14/08/2007 21:47

I think she thinks you were commenting on the appropriateness or otherwise of the dummy, so it wasn't about the dummy I think she felt criticised even though you didn't mean it that way. So I think you should prob leave it but if it's worrying you tell her you don't have any issue with the dummy and sorry if she thought you did. I reckon so because my mum manages to say it to my dd in a bit of an accusatory tone.

My dd still has one at odd times and I wouldn't care at all if someone asked her to take it out but then I don't get touchy about it and don't care what anyone else thinks about it. She's 3 and mostly just has it at night.

You didn't do anything wrong, ti wouldn't have bothered me remotely. (mind you, if dd was in coy silent mood she might have been all silent and not tlaked to you but that's up to her, I wouldn't have blamed you)

LadyTophamHatt · 14/08/2007 21:47

I don't think you've been rude, I would ahev done the same,a dn have done lots of times.

Slubberdegullion · 14/08/2007 21:48

I ask/expect my dd to take her thumb out of her mouth when she is talking to me or other people.

So long as you asked nicely then I don't see the problem.

Original poster
hotcrumpets · 14/08/2007 21:49

DP said maybe she was embarrased, but I don't think so. She has said that she has no problem with him having it until he is 3 and won't try weaning him off before them so I don't think she is being oversensitive.

OP posts:
thomcat · 14/08/2007 21:51

It wouldn't bother me. My DD is a bit dummy obsessed and I don't like it. She also finds them and puts them in when I haven't given it to her. I'd be quite happy if someone asked her to take it out, they'd be lucky to beat me to it though! I have often said to other peoples children to take their dummy out and then speak to me.

Wilkie · 14/08/2007 21:51

I really do think dummies impede speech development. My cousins DS has one still (constantly) and his is 3.5yrs old. He lisps around it all the time.

I am not anti-dummies, my DS has one for nap times.

I don't think you were used but like another poster has already said perhaps she is a little concious of his reliance on it and you hit a nerve so she got oversensitive.

Original poster
hotcrumpets · 14/08/2007 21:51

If I am honest here, I could probably understand what he was saying with the dummy, but he talks so well without it and really lisps when he has it in that I would rather he took it out.

I couldn't care less when he has it the rest of the time and he is very happy to take it out when asked.

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 14/08/2007 21:53

i would ask them to take it out, i pull my ds's thumbs form their mouths if they are taling with them in

RGPargy · 14/08/2007 21:53

When my DS used a dummy i would insist he took it out when speaking to anyone, even me!!

startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 21:53

I don't think she was embarrassed but I do think she could have seen it as criticism on your part.

FWIW I would probably not ask a child to take out their dummy, but if I did it would only be a child I knew well. There is a dc at dd2's pre-school who has one all the time and she isn't expected to remove it. For all I know she could have SN.

snowwonder · 14/08/2007 21:54

i think think kids shouldnt speak with dummy in,

my dd4 had dummy until 2 weeks ago.... and to be honest i had no problem with her having it (but not while talking) but everyone else had a problem with her having a dummy.,...

the trampoline fairy took all her dummys and left her a massive trampoline

startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 21:54

I would ask my own child. But then dd1 only had hers to sleep and dd2 never had one. Ds isn't talking yet...

Original poster
hotcrumpets · 14/08/2007 21:57

love the idea of the trampoline fairy

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 14/08/2007 22:04

I don't think you did anything wrong.

I reckon she's upset because he won't take it out if she asks.

Or maybe she just likes to baby him, and wants him to have a dummy?

snowwonder · 14/08/2007 22:06

it was great i thought it would nbe hell as she loved her do-do and was very attached to it....

but she has been fine... i really didnt want her starting school still attached to dummy

Original poster
hotcrumpets · 14/08/2007 22:09

WT, I couldn't say about that because I don't think I have ever heard her ask him to take it out, hence why he eats with it in. Everytime I have ever asked him to take it out he will do straight away.

I don't think his Grandparents let him have it when he stays with them, so I think he is used to taking it out when asked.

It's a bit grim eating with it in though

OP posts:
lilymolly · 14/08/2007 22:09

dd only has dummy for naps, and when extremely tired/ill

I would HATE her to have it in when she is speaking/eating.
I would always ask a child to remove dummy whilst talking

Spidermama · 14/08/2007 22:13

I agree with HMC. She's obviously a bit touchy because frankly, no-one should try to talk, let alone eat, with a dummy in their gobs. Yuk!

Kewcumber · 14/08/2007 22:19

eating with a dummy in is just bizarre.

My ds 20 months still has a dummy for sleeping and maybe 10 mins before sleeping and after waking up. When we are reading stories before bed, I make him take it out becuase I can;t understand what little hesays otherwise.

Agree with the others, she must know that letting a child even keep it whilst eating isn't normal and is therefore sensitive about it.

Lorayn · 14/08/2007 22:21

You weren't being rude in the least, I used to have my nephew for whole weekends and he would take his dummy out when he got to mine and only had it in bed, he did not ask for it back til he left, he just knew auntie rayni wanted to be able to see his lovely smile, though I was annoyed when asked if I could get him to throw it away when I had him one weekend and we did so, I even put up with the bedtime strops, then as soon as his mother turned up, she asked me if I had it, I told her we'd thrown it away, he was all proud, and she got one out of her handbag, and shoved it in his mouth so he would 'sleep in the car as she had a headache'