Would you find it rude to ask somebody else's child to remove their dummy when talking to you?

[hotcrumpets]

I would appreciate honest opinions here (like i'm going to get anything else )

I have a good friend who although we differ in parenting styles we seem to get along quite well as do our lo's.

Her DS (a few weeks off 2) has a dummy all of the time even when eating he kind of just eats round it.

Anyhow we went to see them tonight and as I walked in the door he started chatting away and I couldn't understand him as he had his dummy in, he is a very good talker for his age but kind of lisps his words with his dummy in. So I asked him to take it out and talk to me. He took it out straight away and even handed it to me and then carried on talking.

He later found another dummy on the sofa and put it back in and then carried on talking to me as we were both playing on the floor. So I asked him to take his dummy out when he was talking to me. His mum then said

'I really can't see how you dont understand him with his dummy in'

I was a bit surprised and just said 'oh I can but it's a bit easier if he hasn't got his dummy in'

She then said 'well if you can understand him can you stop asking him to take it out'

I can't stop thinking about it now and feel like she might of thought I was being rude, which I really wasn't.

So what I would like to know is if you would ask a child to remove his dummy when talking to you or if your child has a dummy would you find it rude if somebody asked them to remove it.

If I have been rude I don't mind saying sorry I honestly didn't realise it may come across as rude.

TIA

Lorayn - I think I would have shoved it up her nose.

i am always asking the kid next door to take hers out. i cant understand a word she says. i am quite anti-dummies though (dont shoot me)

well i think it depends if you asked my dc to take a dummy out because you were having difficulty understanding something he was saying, but if you were saying whenever you talk to me I want you to remove the dummy I would be a bit pissed off, would assume you were disciplining my child,

I dont think its rude to ask/expect a child to remove their dummy when speaking to you.

My friends dd (3) has permanently got one in her mouth and I always take it off her - rightly or wrongly. I always give it to her mum and say to the child that she doesnt need it. Said mum always gives it back as soon as dd asks.

I do not object to dummies but I do object to 3 year olds having them all day every day! My children had/have dummies but not at 3 yo!

No I wouldn't think it rude my eldest was a dummy addict and I insisted that she didn't talk with it in, she was a very early talker and could be understood clearly with it in but I think it's horrid and rude to talk with anything in your mouth dummy/thumb etc?

I don't have a problem with anyone being anti-dummies harleyd so not going to shoot you down. But I would have a problem with anyone deciding to impose that view on my child (though I don't think in this case that was the situation).

I even stopped my mum making comments to DS like "ugh horrible dummy, let me take that" becasue it made DS anxious. We have transitioned down with no fuss to a dummy only around sleeping and will continue to reduce it until it goes probably at the end of the year.

just to clarify - my DS was 15 months when mum was trying to make him give it up and he definitely wasn't ready.

i wouldnt make a kid feel bad for having a dummy though. but i do ask them to take it out when they are talking.

you did entirely the right thing, and this is from someone who was very pro dummies. I am now taking my 8 yr old to speech therapy every six weeks to correct his formations of the sounds 's' and 'sh' purely because we let him speak with it in when he was little.

My eldest who sucked his thumb is fine, and I had learnt my lesson by the youngest and didnt allow him to speak with it in and so his speech seems much better.

dummies are great, dont get me wrong they were a godsend at the time, but by the time children are speaking reasonably fluently they should be sent to the trampoline fairy or only for bedtime.

Feeling better now I have read all your replies, I didn't think I was being rude and it does seem a shame to be lisping his words when he can talk really well.

I think in future that I will not ask him to take it out as him mum obviously does not like it.

Why is she so keen for him to have it in when he's happy to take it out to speak?

I would do exactly what you've done.

There's a girl at dd's school who's nearly 6 and has a dummy all the time she's not at school as well as a drinking bottle with a teat on it. But dd says when she's at school she never mentions dummies, talks well too.

Do you think they're more of a comforter for the mums than the kids at a certain age? A surreptitious 'keep yer gob shut'?

I'm not sure to be honest, I know when he was little he was a very sucky baby and she was quite unsure of herself and found his dummy to be a big help in soothing him.

I think she may have just got into the habit of him having it all the time, if he falls over and cries the dummy goes straight in (no cuddles or picking up they just give the dummy) or if he is upset or throwing a tantrum they give him the dummy so I think she would find it harder to give up than him. This is just based on the fact that when I have looked after him and on one occasion took him out for the day and forgot his dummy he didn't seem particularly bothered. He did ask for it but I told him I had forgotten it and he just left it alone.

I think I find that the oddest part of the situation - that he seems ready to give up but she doesn;t. I have every sympathy with parents weaning their children off dummies slowly but I'd take his dummy off DS like a shot if I thought it wouldn't bother him. Not that I think dummies are a huge problem personally but I do think children need to be off them as soon as they are ready and certinaly when they start talking properly.