Feeling down - need cheering up

[tammybear]

Im really sorry, but I need to have a moan. Ive been feeling down the past few days. My job has fallen through so now not sure what to do. I was going to go college, but keep changing my mind about what to do (suppose to be enrolling Tuesday). Im thinking of doing Photography as its something Ive always wanted to do then maybe French, not too sure at the moment. Still in two minds. I dont know whether to go college or to go back to looking for a job. I am in so much money trouble. I usually end up in my overdraft each month, but the end of last month, I was way out of my overdraft, and some of my bills werent paid as I didnt have sufficient funds. Im not sure whether it is better for me to look for a job to try and sort myself out, as I would have been £40 better a week if I had that job.

I cant ask my mum or my dad for money. Theyre both in their overdrafts, mums too busy helping my stupid f*ing sister who quite frankly I hate (sorry but she really drives me mad!!) Exp says he has changed the maintenance back from £10 to £25 (suppose I should be thankful) but yesterday I brought dd her first pair of shoes. Cost me £28!! I asked exp if he could send me the £ for them. He said hed pay me half (again suppose its better than nothing).

Im worried about the next few months. Ive got my mum, dd, and sisters birthdays, plus Xmas where Ill have to buy everyone at least one present. I passed my driving test and cant see how Im ever going to be able to afford myself a car. I probably couldnt afford to keep one if I had one!

I hate living on my own. I know it sounds so stupid but there was a huge spider in my bathroom sink last night and I was too scared to kill it (pathetic arent I?) I dont mind if theyre on the floor and I can just step on them. I really need that spider killer spray. Well anyway I washed it down the sink and ever since Ive had all the plug holes covered up so it doesnt get back in! I cant move back home, as my sister took over my room and her old room is now dd's nursery for when she stays over. Plus it would drive me mad to go back home. I spent 18 years trying to get out of there!!

Sorry for moaning, but Ive got noone else to talk to as noone in RL listens to me

oh tammy sorry you are feeling so sh*tty, i feel a bit like you too, you are a good young mum with your whole life ahead of you if you want to go back to collage then go youve got your whole life to worry aboout money, could you get a loan of the social to help you out , are you on income support sorry to be nosey

Im on income support, child benefit, child tax credit, housing benefit and think thats it. Whats the loan of the social?

sorry you are feeling rubbish. I can't really offer much advice but did have a thought - if you go back to college and do photography you could give everyone photos from your course for Christmas and that will be v cheap. I know that is probably least of your worries but just thougth I would share that with you!

Also could you go back to college and perhaps get a job one or two nights/afternoons a week or get a saturday job? All the shops will be hiring extra people for Christmas soon so you could get a temp job and try it and see if it works. Am presuming your family help out with childcare.

problem with getting a job is if i get a job with working under 16 hours then i will only be allowed to earn £20 a week, anything else will be taking off income support. if i get a job over 16 hours then i will come off income support, have to pay some of my rent and council tax, but should get working tax credit. i would also have to sort out childcare for dd.

not a bad idea about the photo presents for xmas though. wouldnt have thought of that

oh bugger - didn't realise the levels were that tight.

How about cash in hand stuff (am I allowed to say that on here?) like taking in ironing? Or is that really bad?

tammybear, what skills do you have at the moment? Is going to college going to increase your earning power a lot? If so, then it sounds best for you and dd in the longterm. Are financial worries the only thing putting you off the idea of college? Is there a course advisor in the college whom you can see for a chat before Tuesday, to discuss what course is going to be interesting and also give you skills that you will need in your future job? How long would your course last? Who will look after your dd while you are at college?

I had always wanted to go uni to do a course on journalism, part of the reason why Im thinking of doing photography (plus Im interesting in that sort of thing) as I did think about going to uni when dd starts school, but dd is 2 in Dec and Im not sure how realistic the idea of me going to uni is. The other courses I thought of doing was French or European Computer Driving License which probably would be ideal. My brothers are willing to look after dd whilst Im doing it as theyre only part time courses.

Ive had lots of different work experiences, and pretty confident I can get a good job. In fact I got offered a couple of jobs but decided to take the stupid bank job who ended up letting me down

Im still in two minds about college. Partly because of finances as I do have to pay a fee for exam entry and books but will get the rest free as Im on benefits. I did think of taking a student loan out, but not sure if I will get one, since I wont be paying all of my fees anyway

if you go to the socila tammy and tell them about your debts they might be able to give you a intret free loan then they take it out of your is each week till its paid off

Have you been to your local CAB Tammybear? They can tell you about the various DSS loans and whether you'd be eligible, look at any other options that might be open to you and help you work out possible strategies for dealing with your financial problems.
I would definitely go and talk to someone at the college about the best courses to do with journalism as your long term aim. Maybe you could do the course and then one evening a week working? If your mum can't help you financially then perhaps she could help with babysitting?

i might try to go see CAB next week turquoise. Ive got dp coming to stay for the week so Im going to try and do as much as I can then without having dd around. Im going to try and go into the college on Monday and see if I can speak to someone as well

tammybear, it sounds like you have a good earning capacity and are hampered by the benefit scheme. Have you considered getting a good job and doing a part-time degree? It would be really hard, but there are some inspirational stories from the ones who have done it. I know someone from University whose parents died when she was 15-16, and she then left school, brought up her two younger siblings, got a job, did a part-time degree at Birkbeck College, supported her siblings, came top in all her exams, won scholarship to do PhD at Oxford and then scholarship to top US university, and now both she and her siblings are all doing very well in really good jobs, a total turnaround from being orphans with financial difficulties. There are some funny little grant-making scholarship funds out there which might give you assistance which would be tax free, some of them set up to encourage women to get degrees and so on. I think you'd have to do some research on them in the library and write quite a few letters. Please don't be down, because you have all your youth and energy and ideas going for you and you can make a great future for yourself and your dd.

i have thought about that, but i dont know if it would be too much for me. i dont know if i could cope with work, trying to do my assignments, go to college, as well as looking after dd and the house. dd's being a terror at the moment as well as shes started throwing tantrums. the terrible twos have come early

Hi tammybear. Would you college sponser a nusery place for your little girl? I think a friend is doing that, then you could get you family to help care for her whilest you got yourself a little job? Even just that £20 extra a week could make such a difference, 1 and half weeks would of got you those shoes for example! You could try and budget a bit of that to help yourself out of some of your overdraftt? Does that make sense or do you think you would still need more?

I think id be okay with just that, now that exp has changed the maintenance if this was a couple of months ago. But im in such a mess now that Im going to be in so much trouble at the end the month. I dont know how Im going to get out of it, unless someone helps me out or if I win the lottery. Winning the lottery is unrealistic, dad moaned to my mum about the last time I asked for money as he cant afford it, mums in trouble with money yet is stupid enough to keep forking it out for my stupid sister who is just spending it on drink, mobile or her dp and i cant ask dp as Ive already borrowed money off him, and feel so guilty, especially since he paid for our holiday too. God i sound desperate and pathetic

tammybear- i know exactly how you feel! i live by myself with ds and am going back to uni in 3 weeks. really worried about money but i'm sure i'll get by somehow. i just have to keep thinking that once i finish my degree i'll be able to get a really good job and provide ds with everything he needs.

i'm getting IS, child benefit, child tax credit and housing benefit, I get a student loan and get to keep pretty much all of it although some does get taken since i'm on IS. i should also get some help with childcare and the uni has a hardship fund for if i really run out of money.

It would be pretty tough looking after your dd and studying but it would be worth it in the end, at least thats what i'm trying to tell myself!

haven't been on MN for ages, how was your holiday?

the holiday was great thanks. i think thats partly why im a bit down as i had such a great time, and didnt have anything to worry about. nice to think of myself for a change although i did miss dd. dd didnt seem to miss me at all though lol. guess thats a good thing, i think

I know you have a difficult relationship with your sister but do your parents really have such a lack of perspective to see who has the tougher deal? You or your sister? It seems quite obvious from what you've said on here that you need more support. Could one of your brothers lend you some money? You say they will help with childcare?

my brothers are at college but theyre both off when i need to go into college so theyre quite happy to look after dd for me for free which is really kind of them. my sister is just a complete mess. she doesnt learn from her mistakes and she just drives me mad. i keep telling my mum to stop lending her money otherwise shell just expect it all the time, but mum doesnt listen. shes too soft thats her problem! my sister has capital one chasing after her cos shes missed payments on her card. she has spent about 9 weeks i think it was unemployed so mum had to help her out and even pay for her car insurance. shes finally got herself a job but is still getting £160 mobile bills in, and has just gotten herself a new car!! she really drives me mad as when I was living with mum and working before dd, i gave her £150 a month. sister doesnt give mum anything! not a penny id really like to slap some sense into her!!

really relate to spider problem of living on your own. my ds sorts them out for me sometimes which makes me feel worse. he gets cross though if i stand on them . i really think you should do something like photos, ot handprint calender/frame as presents. people would hate to get a present if they knew it was with money that you and dd couldn't really mange without. i think beansmum i sright if college is what you want to do its worth going for it as even if you are still skint you will see an end in sight and a purpose to it. often as a student their are different funds etc that could help. for a lot of courses you now get up to85% of your childcare paid for. i went to see a careers advisor at my local careers service. i wasn't sure about it as i remembered what they were like at school. but she was brilliant at helping me decide what courses to do, what could lead to what, whether in some fields i'd be better off looking for a job, funding and so on. it might be worth a try. i know its not great living on your own ( i'm finding it hard as have never had to do it before) and especially with no money, but i really hope you feel less down soon

i was thinking to myself last night im not going to allow dd to be scared of them. she'll have to rescue me from them when shes older! lol.

i think im also down because next week is the last week im going to see dp for another couple of months, as he'll be carrying on with his degree so we wont see each other much. im finding it hard to sleep as well and so im knackered during the day. i feel sorry for dd as she is stuck in the house all day. some days i cant face going outside unless i really have to

Poor you. You dont sound pathetic or desperate at all Tammybear.
Cant really offer any financial advice as I have been there myself, and am constantly in my overdraft, not quite sure how we are going to manage when my baby arrives. I am 21 and also had hopes for college/uni but have had to give up on them for the moment.
But try and keep your chin up, at the end of the day you have a lovely daughter - try to focus your energy on her. My mum was a single parent from day one, and she managed to do a course at uni with help with childcare from friends and it really did her good as she has now got a really well paid job, and of course me who turned out so well (ha ha). If you go to college, they usually have creches there dont think you have to pay - for if your brothers every couldnt help out.
Although you feel like everythings coming down on you, it will all work out ok in the end im sure.
And you could try hairspray for the spiders - im terrified of them and that is what I use!

thanks littlemel. just read your post on the young mums thread. you sound like a very strong person. xxx

thanks, thats nice to hear - I dont ever really feel like a strong person....ever feel like your still only a little girl yourself?? Im quite scared by the fact that I am about to become a mum and be responsible for a tiny little baby. But after reading the young mums post it made me realise that other people can do it, such as yourself, and that was inspirational - so thank you! xx

aww littlemel. you'll be fine. are you still with the father? dont mind me being nosey it does seem quite daunting. i was 18 when i was pregnant so that was scary enough! couldnt celebrate my 18th properly oh well will make the most of 21st next year

feeling a lot better now, its always good to have a moan, and i was feeling really sh**ty this morning as i had been crying last night but feeling a bit more positive this evening

Glad you are being positive hun - thats the best way - altho its not always easy to see it that way when its you!! Yeah we are still together - were on the verge of splitting up before found out was preggers, but it seems to have brought us much closer together thankfully. He works loads and loads though (nights) so sometimes i feel quite alone in that sense.
Make sure you do enjoy your 21st!! I am glad that I got chance to enjoy mine - I have really missed the drinking aspect of being pregnant! Its my birthday in a few weeks and i am already depresed at the thought of not being able to drink due to b/feeding!! oh wel....! xx