Dp offered new job, commute huge IMO - who else has husband who does a long car commute daily?

[Piffle]

Dp and I have my ds 13, dd 4 (school in Sept)and DS2 13 wks -Dp works quite close by - using his motorbike 25 mins away and he is on hand to come home whenever I need or work frome home etc
He has lived away from home week long for 8 mths and that made us all very unhappy, so he requested to be transferred back and was -since then (January) he has bene offered jobs within the company (ie no pay increase) working away which he ahs turned down
However recently he was headhunted and is to be offered the job - it is tbh a huge pay increase and the commute would be possibly 2hrs a day
He has calculated costs ie: buying or leasing a diesel car and the fuel and ukeep/insurance and obviously at 100 miles each way (Sth Lincs to Luton) its pretty pricey, it still looks like a good job offer even given the costs.

He will be leaving at 6.30am and be home between 6-7 each night with flexitime half day fridays and option to work extra to take one day holiday per month as well

It sounds so excellent and not that different to now bar the earlier start.

Does anyone have a dh that commutes that doesn't think it is worth it for better dosh?

My hubby used to leave the house at 7.30am and wasn't home until 6.30-7pm most nights. It was awful with 3 small ones. He now leaves at 7.45am and is home between 6.15 and 6.30pm most nights. Doesn't seem much but it is great knowing he can be home in 33 minutes instead of 75 if I need him.

He is on less money now but that won't last and it is great having him nearer.

I think you have to balance the work life stuff, and decide what your priorities are - for all of you. And then see if the extra money is worth the changes in lifestyle from the job.

would you consider relocation?

personally I've done long distance commuting and hated it

We've sort of done this, piff - DH used to work 50 miles away, the other side of Manchester; a shorter distance but probably not that different in time, he used to leave before 7 and get back about 7 in order to miss the peak traffic as much as poss.

At the time he started our youngest was 3 and eldest 14 and having the help from the older children it was OK - I'm not sure how well I would have coped with a tiny baby.

He did find the drive very tiring, especially in the winter when it was dark both ways, but he did it for 9 years and we got by - and it wasn't for any increase at all, just a job he was glad to have having lost his previous one under very dodgy circs and worried that he wouldn't get anything else - but he did have a company car, and the company paid for his fuel, which helped a lot.

Instead of the flexitime half-day Fridays, could your DH have a flexitime whole day alternate weeks as well as the accumulated holiday? It would save him one whole day's driving a fortnight!

Well done to him for getting it anyway, whatever the outcome

DH leaves the house at 7.15 and arrives home around 6.30 ish - I'm surprised that some people think thats a long time. He doesn't commute particularly far - only about 20 miles (give or take a mile). He is on much less money than he was - but loves his job.
His old job was five minutes away from the house and he would be out from 4.30 a.m and not home until 10.pm.
As for relocation, he seems to think that we're goingto move closer to his job - haha, he can dream.

It's the schools issue for piffle I think, iota - they moved there in the first place for the grammar school for her DS. We had a similar situation earlier in DH's career when he did turn down a better job which would have meant relocating (it was near you in fact, I think )

there's some good grammar schools in Bucks Wendy

The time scale doesn't seem that bad to me tbh; my dp only works 5-10mins away but always leaves the house at 7 and rarely gets back much before 7; distance wise it's a long way though if you needed him urgently.
If he was getting the extra day off a month which you made the most of as a family it might be a happy arrangement

I commute about an hour each way to work & leave at 6.30 returning around 5.30 depending on overtime - the latest I've got home is 11pm, but that is rare.

I personally don't think I could hack a 2 hour commute each way indefinitely. The odd day, fine, but permanently it would have to be a very large pay increase.

My dh works those hours even though we can see his work place from our 8th floor apartment! Wendy's idea of the flexitime is a good one. Maybe also consider your dh staying over one night a week, esp in winter?

piffle i live in luton and dh used to work in milton keynes now moved to work in london i would suggest you ask him to take in to account the M1 widening which is happening for the next 2 years (i think).

Dh leaves work at about 5.30pm and he can be home anywhere between 6.30 to 7.30pm depending on the motorway. And it much worse if there is an accident within the roadworks.

yes it is ds1 in yr 9 grammar come sept, dd with sn issues starting school as well - she has tons of specialists and also try and fine me a 4 bed detached house with dble garage, facing a field, with decent garden for under £250k down that way - plus the schools
nah if we were gonna relocate it'd be a goodun like to Oz or NZ

yes suedonim we have agreed on him staying over sometimes to help out...
was going to appeal for a local mner to take him in for cash

my dh leaves for work at 4.30am and often returns after midnight!! and we managed for a very long time!

dh leaves around 730 and is never back for tea let alone put the girls to bed. well rarely. most nights back by 830 - he's at the mercy of southwest trains getting to and from work

i would think that a lot of people have a similar commute
i would like him to be home earlier but it's a balance

fraid we're not that cheap down this way, but think of the saving you'd make on travel costs

if your dh is prepared to drive for 4 hrs a day and do a job and have a life, good luck to him - I really couldn't hack it long term - anything over an hour each way is too much for me

I used to commute for 1 hour each way a day, if the traffic was good, as bad as 1.5 hours each way most days. I drove, and to be honest found it hard. Ds1 was only a baby at that time, and I found the days tiring, knowing that at the end of the day I still had the long drive home.

Now a SAHM, and dh leaves at 6.30/7 am each morning and gets home around 6.30/7 at night.

He's over an hour away by train/tube. it is hard, but the payrise for him makes it bearable for us. We have a very good standard of living, and I am grateful that he is prepared to do this hellish commute for us as a family.

I think what I am trying to say, that it is easier if the financial benefits helps.

We live in Belfast and my DH travels to London most days. He never stays overnight. You get used to it

dh commutes 1hr20 each way. He leaves home at 6:30am and gets home about 8:00pm. He leaves work late as rush hour is bad, so he does overtime rather than sit in traffic.

I do hate him not been home so much. But if your dh will get home between 6-7 thats better.

Can he negotiate working from home 1 or 2 days. Mine now works from home 2 days a week.

Sorry iota, of course you do!

It wasn't the grammar school that made us decide to stay, I think we only had 2 little DDs at that point, but we love where we live and we and they had loads of friends here; plus DH's mum is 10 miles away and they were her only grandchildren at the time.

Relocating is a huge decision once children are involved, isn't it?

piff, would DH be able to work from home at all? Just an odd day here and there would also give him a break from that journey, and computers must be involved somewhere???

I've gbeen in this situation and I'd say for a good job and better money, it's worth it. But you do have to arrange as much back up for yourself as possible. Otherwise you'll never go out and every evening will feel the same.