Dp offered new job, commute huge IMO - who else has husband who does a long car commute daily?

[Piffle]

Dp and I have my ds 13, dd 4 (school in Sept)and DS2 13 wks -Dp works quite close by - using his motorbike 25 mins away and he is on hand to come home whenever I need or work frome home etc
He has lived away from home week long for 8 mths and that made us all very unhappy, so he requested to be transferred back and was -since then (January) he has bene offered jobs within the company (ie no pay increase) working away which he ahs turned down
However recently he was headhunted and is to be offered the job - it is tbh a huge pay increase and the commute would be possibly 2hrs a day
He has calculated costs ie: buying or leasing a diesel car and the fuel and ukeep/insurance and obviously at 100 miles each way (Sth Lincs to Luton) its pretty pricey, it still looks like a good job offer even given the costs.

He will be leaving at 6.30am and be home between 6-7 each night with flexitime half day fridays and option to work extra to take one day holiday per month as well

It sounds so excellent and not that different to now bar the earlier start.

Does anyone have a dh that commutes that doesn't think it is worth it for better dosh?

DH works 80 miles & 2 hrs away. leaves at 6:30am home at 8pm. We have managed for 18 months but is very hard (have 9mth dd) We are now moving as it really is too much.

4 hrs+ in the car on top of a full day's work is a killer - he may be home by 7 & benefits/flexitime sound much better than dh but is still not a decision to be taken lightly IME

The M1 widening will take two further years - last week the M1 was shut at Luton for 5 hours because of an accident. The weight of traffic is just huge now.

Please please do not underestimate travel time - actually get him up one day to do it - and not on a half term/or summer holiday.

We live south of Luton and my dh only drives to Watford

• it takes me 20 minutes when I go in the middle of the day

He sets off at 7 to beat the traffic and sometimes (average twice a week)it takes him an hour plus.

I lived in Bedford ten years ago before I moved 20 miles south - I think the traffic is probably 3 times as bad round here - M1/M25/A414

Definitely not to be taken lightly

100 miles each way is not doable in my opinion. I used to commute 60 miles (1.5 hours) each way before I had DS and it was a nightmare, especially at the end of a long day.

He'll be driving S Lincs to Luton though - will the M1 be involved much/at all?

dh commutes 1.5 - 2hrs each way, he's a contractor and can't be too picky about location. It costs him £20 in petrol every day and he needs new tyres all the time it seems, but obviously contracting rates factor in these extra expenses.

It works fine overall for me & the children - he leaves at around 7am and is back at 7pm or so, and he copes well because he likes driving so doesn't consider it a particularly stressful experience (I wouldn't last a week) - he's got audio books , a drinks cooler etc and seems happy in his car .

I really couldn't cope with it if it was a permanent position though, I do worry about him and he's had a few near-misses on the road.

DP is fine about the driving and says he won't be using the M1
He has had 2 interviews there and did the trip ok both times leaving at 6.30am getting there just after 8am.

the job offer takes into account his travelling expenses which are going to be HUGE esp if buying another near new car...

He may well be able to work from home sometimes, the company are very staff orientated and are very good at work life balance...

He may use his motorbike for some summer commutes as he enjoys it and it is quicker.

DH commutes about 40 miles each way daily - not too much in milage terms but a nightmare in terms of time because of the M1 and central Leeds congestion. He leaves between 6.45 and 7.30 (depending on if he has any early meetings or not) and is never home before 7, usually around 7.15. Is it worth it? Well he is fed up with it and is looking for a more local job, but with no luck so far. He gets a lease car with work which is a great help. He says the commute is not worth his salary and is happy to earn less for the extra time and lower travel expenses (£4 a day parking plus about £40-£50 a week in fuel), but in reality I think it is a great psychological shift once you've been earning at a certain level to take a step down, maybe more so for a man? Or maybe just for DH. So I think it is do-able, but not a lot of fun on busy congested routes...

This may not be relevant to you but I used to commute (just 20 miles each way) and got an allowance for the additional traveling because I took the job on promotion. That extra income is taken into account for Tax Credits and for Student Funding but the cost of the travel isn't. So "on paper" you have £x coming in so you get less tax credits and have to pay more towards your kids student funding, when actually a huge proportion of that money goes straight out again so you can actually get to work

I found we were better off working locally on a lower wage than commuting for a higher one.

well the job offer money details are in adn they're bloody good. Too good to turn down IMO with bloody good benefits packages too
However he will go and tell his current employ and they will DEF counter offer, but fark it's going to have to be good
They are not known for giving 50% payrises

Maybe not 50%, but how much would counter all the travelling time (kind of priceless, and not taxable ), cost of car & fuel?

He's obviously good and they will want to keep him, he is in a strong bargaining position as he is prepared to take the other job so they will know he's not bluffing.

Good luck, Piff & Mr Piff!

if we deduct the car allowance and so forth the rise is equal to 35%
Still pretty steep but we'll see
Part of em wants him to leave anyway as he has been undersold for a long while now

My DH does not commute but he does those hours and it works for us. To be honest, even if he did not leave so early he would not be on hand in the mornings anyway as he would get up later and we would all be getting ready at the same time which would be problematic anyway. HMy DH usually gets in between 7 and 8pm and he sees the kids before the go to bed for 1/2 hour or so but we do everything together on the weekends so that is our family time.

HTH.

My dh works similar hours, without the commute. In fact, he flies to Ireland one day a week so that day his hours are much longer. The hours are not a problem for us. But will he stick to them? Or will he feel pressurised to stay longer and therefore get home later?

Sounds good to me, to be honest, Piffle. My DH leaves the house at 7am and is rarely home much before 8.30pm. He works in central London and cycles in from the 'burbs (about 45 minutes). I think those hours are fairly standard in London (rightly or wrongly, but that's a whole other thread ).

I used to do it and suffered terrible road rage and was a total bitch to be around, I was so tired - plus I was spending a fortune on petrol. Loads of people seem to cope though so I suppose it depends on the individual and their priorities in life - im happy to have much less cash and see more daylight!

My dh spends a lot of time commuting and for a long time also worked in Luton and we live in Gloucestershire. On a good day it was about 2.5 hrs drive each way and there was no way he could do it every day and still be effective at his job and still an effective husband and father. He used to work there 3 days and from home two and for us that worked best.
I think the thing you need to remember is that with good high paid jobs these days a lot more is expected than working 9-5. My dh would leave here at 5.30am to be at work for 8ish - and then didn't leave the office before 7pm - meaning not being home by 9.30pm when doing the journey in a day. Yes he is well paid - but no - in the long term doing that every day wouldn't be worth it. At a job interview you will agree to a 37 or 40 hour week or whatever the contract is - but I'm sure as most people are aware - very few people are able to work just these hours and I would make sure your dp is fully aware of how much "extra" he will have to give. Fortunatley my dh's fuel and hotel bills etc were all covered by expenses - but I would still say think very seriously about whether nore money is really worth such a huge possible impact on your family life.