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Original poster

Is "Nurturing" a US word ?

77 replies

pupuce · 24/07/2002 09:39

Hello everyone,

I am testing something on my British friends..... is the word nurturing a US (mainly) word or would you use it ? and do you understand it ?
I am thinking of calling my UK doula "business" : Nurturing families because it's really about that... but maybe people won't understand it....
Thank you for your opinions

OP posts:
Mopsy · 27/07/2002 09:03

LOL Mooma; I'd go for the one called 'Fairy Godmother'...Pupuce do you have a magic wand and wings? M x

Original poster
pupuce · 27/07/2002 18:40

No I don't, I just have the Gina Ford book (JOKE!)
Hefferlumps... is actually a lady called Jan Heffer... so she made something with it

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FrancesJ · 27/07/2002 20:04

Wow, Pupuce, what an interesting and worthwhile career (only just read this thread so only just been enlightened as to what a 'doula' is). I think 'Nurture' is a lovely word - to me it implies caring and gentle growth. Looking at previous posts, I'm wondering if the real problem for those on benefits/lower incomes isn't that £250 is an unimaginable amount of money, or that they wouldn't want a doula, but rather that with a tight weekly budget, people might have to save, or pay you in installments rather than as a lump sum - so targeting that sector early in their pregnancies would be useful - and maybe letting people pay you bit-by-bit before the actual birth.

Can't stop laughing at some of the U.S names though - Birth Rite makes me think of someone lighting candles and chanting.

tigermoth · 29/07/2002 18:26

Hi pupuce, just getting back to you, I had a quick think over the weekend - it's not easy, is it. I think 'nurture' is fine to use in the UK and mother nurture or something similar are great suggestions.

Here are some others:

'can do' doula service

Dovetail doulas

Hidden reserves doula support

Reserves of strength

lifeline doula support

Or something to do with 'double'
Double the fun/ Double the love/ Double the nurturing/doula service

will post again if I think of any more
HTH!

sis · 30/07/2002 09:58

pupuce, how about TLC? - I know that would tempt me!

Original poster
pupuce · 30/07/2002 12:53

Again thanks to all of these suggestions... I still need to think about this...
On the payment front - Doulas are often paied in installments !

I just thought some of you might be interested in the account of my first birth... which was 24 hours ago (I was shadowing a midwife in our local maternity unit) and as it turned out I "ended-up" playing doula...
At 9 PM my MW had induced a 41 +3 lady GP (husband is also in the medical profession) and told him to go home as she would not be re-examined until 6 AM (first baby)... but at 2 AM, I was aksed if I could stay with her a bit as she was in pain but according to mw in no real labour (however much moaning the mum was making)- the couple were very good friends with the registrar on duty as well ! And I had nothing else to do anyway (the ward was VERY calm)

Well as it turned out I really did a "doula's" job as husband was gone and she clearly was in pain. Got her on a birthing ball, made her walk knees in the air.... she was saying "why didn't I go for a C", "when can I get an epi ???", "why can't I get gas and air now ?", "I have sooo much respect for labouring mums who go without any painkillers" and the very common "I can't do this!",...... I timed her contractions and I felt (what do I know????) that she was progressing, talked to her about going in the shower or a bath or the birthing pool.... finally went to get the mw and we all agreed that she should go in the bath (however reluctant she was to get away from her TENS). The bath was good for her and she had a VE at 4 AM... she was 9cm... she was SOOO relieved. The mw said : see too late for an epi ! We called the husband back, called the registrar to check if she could go in the pool (induced women usually can't - hospital protocol) - all OK so when husband arrived we "all" went to the pool where she started to push.... she was very tired and after about 1 hour we got her out and back on the bed (she was very conscious of what she needed to do which was good)... and as the baby's heartbeat was dropping, they called the registrar and they went for ventouse and episio... baby was fine but had a knot in the cord so they were glad he came out that way... it was all very emotional - we all discovered it was a boy (mum thought it would be a girl - gut feel!).

The mum then said that she had been amazed with the support, couldn't thank me enough, etc and next time she'd pay for my services (I had explained early on who I was and what I did and joked that she got all of this for free!) - the staff were very nice with me including the gyn/ob..... I went home at 830 AM.. I was knackered. Hoping to do it again tonight !

OP posts:
Mopsy · 30/07/2002 12:58

Pupuce I am in tears reading your story. How wonderful. Mopsy xxx

aloha · 30/07/2002 13:59

Well done Pupuce, you sound like an absolute godsend - BUT - I have to say, the birth experience does make me more even likely to opt for another section next time (if there is a next time). An episiotomy? Nooooo! And that bit about being told she wasn't in labour and then being told it was too late for an epidural, i hear that a lot and it scares me. How can it happen so often?

bossykate · 30/07/2002 14:16

aloha, according to the criteria my community mw's gave me, i was never in labour! when oh when will i get rid of this lingering bitterness - really must pull self together!

bossykate · 30/07/2002 14:18

btw - episio was really not too bad. would far rather take this route and limit the downside risk.

bells2 · 30/07/2002 14:32

The "too late for an epidural" happened to me first time around and with hindsight, I'm glad of it. Sounds like you did a fab job Pupuce!. If only my labours weren't so fast, I would definitely go for a doula next time.

Original poster
pupuce · 30/07/2002 14:43

Aloha - episiotomies are not so/that bad (had one so speak from personal experience) - and in France and Belgium they are routine and mums don't complain (of course there can always be a problem like for a C of course!)
As for the diagnosis... well the MW assessed her based on her uterus contractions (this was an external examination) and on other signs like very short contractions. I suspect that the mum progressed very quickly because

  1. the induction was working well (she had a good dose!)
  2. I made her WALK ! and sit on the birth ball for 2 hours with constant pelvis movement - which are known to accelerate things. I made her think more positively and we did some visualisation as well... I mean I did "my stuff" IYKWIM... the "funny" thing is that I am SURE she would never had hired a doula (nothing against them but probably didn't really see the point)... and she was pretty happy with the service - I now "hope" she'll suggest it to her patients - she is a GP.

I can tell you that she was (and rightly so) dead chuffed that she had not had an epidural or a C.
Bear in mind that she was told she wasn't in labour (meant in clinical terms of course) at 1 AM and we agreed at 3 that she must now be in it and she was formally assessed at 4! She was always with me between 2AM and the baby's birth. So in effect she had a 3 hours first stage which is VERY short for a first time birth!
Don't take the "see too late for an epi" as mean comment... it was more like : You have done a great job without an epi and things have gone fast (epi are well known to slow down labour in alot of cases).
It is believed in studies done on the role of doulas that their presence reduces the length of labour on average by 2 hours, it reduces the risks of C by 50% as well as the risks of a managed labour (inclduing use of epiduerals).

OP posts:
FrancesJ · 30/07/2002 21:56

Wow, Pupuce, that sounds absolutely amazing. I'm not surprised at the statistics you quote, either. All the support, information, and close encouragement that you gave must count for so, so much emotionally and physically, and I can so see why medical intervention is reduced. Am very impressed by the whole concept - and by you!
On the episiotomy side, I'm a bit unqualified, not having had one but know, defn, that I'd opt for one rather than a section this time around. Had an epidural, but only so they could perform the emergency section. Hoping frantically to avoid both this time (thinking, too, partly of new-found doula role awareness might take mum with me rather than DH). But am wandering off the point here, which is to say a huge 'wow' to Pupuce

Original poster
pupuce · 31/07/2002 15:00

Thanks Frances...And I had another delivery last night of a first time very young mum.... she went into the water - not her idea (I don't think she would have considered it before her labour) but we gently persuaded her.... anyway she delivered fairly quickly too,again I was with her throughout and tried to re-assure her. SHe did a brilliant job, baby born in water- no tearing at all !

Frances, did you labour at all ?If so, you may very well have a much easier time this time and you might not need an episiotomy. DH and mum can both go with you.... DH IMO have a different roles from mums or doulas.... the latter have some notion of what you are going through. The mum last night was there with her mum as well... I do think that Doulas are still different in that if they practice and attend births fairly regularely they can also see what is happening (as mums of mums haven't been in labour in a while-presumably!) - also I make sure that who ever is with the mum in the room usually DH or DP can contribute more effectively (suggest how to hold, massage, talk to their wives) and also offer them breaks which they tend to refuse .

OP posts:
mears · 01/08/2002 01:27

Pupuce - how can France and Belgium still advocate routine episiotomies when there is no research evidence to support that practice?

Original poster
pupuce · 01/08/2002 08:52

Well I'll find out for you but I was told because they believe tearing is harder to repair (and heal) than a controlled cut.... I know this is not the case (necessarily)....

OP posts:
sis · 01/08/2002 10:17

Oh Pupuce it sounds wonderful! well done to you and the mummies (and all the other people who helped ...but mainly well done!!)

jessi · 01/08/2002 18:26

pupuce, what a thrilling start to your new career!

Marina · 03/08/2002 17:52

How lovely to hear you are up and running, Pupuce. Two great stories!

Original poster
pupuce · 07/10/2002 23:07

Hi All,

Just thought I'd update you on what words I have decided to use... after all your wonderful advice.
I wrote them all down and DH and I spent 2 hours debating the lot... and finally we came to : Nurturing birth.
Thanks again for all your efforts.
I have updated my situation here

And if you are interested, have a look at my website called www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 07/10/2002 23:11

Pupuce, would love to see the site but can't get into it, just get servlet exception message - whatever the heck that means! Will try again soon. Well done for getting off that corporate treadmill.

Original poster
pupuce · 07/10/2002 23:16

Let's try the old fashion way
www.nurturingbirth.co.uk
Cut and paste it

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 07/10/2002 23:33

Just had a quick look and the site looks fantastic. Thought about you today Pupuce, would definitely consider a doula next time round (if there is one).

sobernow · 08/10/2002 02:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pupuce · 08/10/2002 07:33

I did think about the colours quite a bit I felt blue and pink where too common (and too light) and I also felt the imagery of woman and baby far too common on such websites (care of pregnant women) so I went for 2 colours I like (nothing more) but did you notice the birds and the bees ????

OP posts: