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Original poster

Dilemma - wedding invite but I would need to leave 4mth old at home

66 replies

TheBlonde · 29/05/2007 18:44

I'm having a dilemma re a good friend's wedding.

I want to go but it's a no kids affair and it's on a Friday.
So DH would have to take the day off and stay home with the children.
The baby is breastfed so I'd have to pump enough for the day/evening (and convince her to take a bottle).

I just can't decide....

OP posts:
Twiglett · 29/05/2007 18:45

and your tits will be really uncomfortable unless you express whilst away

can DH take day off and stay in hotel and you can go and breastfeed during the day / evening

2boysmacca · 29/05/2007 18:53

Is it strictly no kids? I know a lot of people say 'no kids' but babies are not usually part of that ban. It might be worth asking?

If she is as a good friend as you say she can surely understand that you are still breastfeeding and make an allowance?

2boysmacca · 29/05/2007 18:55

Also agree with twiglett re dh staying nearby. I went to a hen night (well luncheon) when ds2 was 3 weeks old. Dh just came with me and sat in a cafe, and I came back to feed, then went back.

BellaBear · 29/05/2007 18:55

Quite often it is no kids but breastfed age babies are fine because who would heartlessly not allow a baby to be there when it needs breastfeeding?????

Original poster
TheBlonde · 29/05/2007 18:58

I spoke to the bride - it is strictly no kids or babies, breastfed or not

Hotel is 95 quid and I'm not sure how DH would entertain the toddler

OP posts:
luciemule · 29/05/2007 18:58

Definitely take DH,DC and baby with you. She should understand if you have to keep nipping off to feed. Your baby is only 4 months old. Your DH could take the kids for walks etc and you could meet up at feed times.
If you've got enough time to practice with bottle, perhaps you could leave them at home and express but 12 weeks isn't very old - I'd take them all to hotel.

2boysmacca · 29/05/2007 19:02

Obviously the bride doesn't have kids! ! !

Personally, I would struggle to go. You would have to take your expresser with you, and nip off every few hours (then cry when you see all that lovely wasted milk) and could you really relax knowing that baby may or may not be taking a bottle???

luciemule · 29/05/2007 19:03

If someone told me not to take a baby who I was BF to a wedding , and say DH wasn't available to look after baby, I wouldn't go.Perhaps so as not to ruin friendship, just say it's not practical and you can't not feed baby.

shonaspurtle · 29/05/2007 19:07

I would have struggled to go. I had to go to a funeral when ds was a similar age and was away from him for about 5 hours. He was fine with my dad and took a bottle of ebm no problem but I was very uncomfortable - you would definitely need to express somewhere during the day.

Is it close enough that you could just go to the ceremony and then maybe pop along for an hour or so in the evening? Or the ceremony and an hour or so after?

hayes · 29/05/2007 19:07

I think if they said no kids they mean no kids. Wedding politics are a nightmare if they allowed one (little as the baby is) they would be badgered to allow them all for different reasons.

How about expressing one feed a day so you know she is used to the bottle?

agree with the hotel suggestion but agree it is a lot of money to spend. I think it depends on how good a friend she is tbh

Original poster
TheBlonde · 29/05/2007 19:16

It's about an hour's drive possibly more depending on traffic

The bride is v understanding but her husband to be is adamant - I suspect family politics at work as I think his sister has a baby/child/children and they are banned too

OP posts:
Lizcitral · 29/05/2007 19:17

Can I just say that if/when the bride has kids and hopefully bfs, she may very well be horrified at herself for not allowing a tiny baba to stay with his/her mum.
And I can say that because I am now horrified at some of my pre-baby comments to friends with babies... it's just a different world.

shonaspurtle · 29/05/2007 19:20

How would it be if you went to the ceremony, dh brought the baby to you to be fed while they were milling about getting the photos done etc, you had your meal, heard speeches etc and then came home.

Is it somewhere that dh could have a nice couple of hours out with the dcs without necessarily being "at" the wedding - eg a hotel with nice grounds or near a park or something?

A big hassle all round but a good compromise that I'm sure your friend would appreciate.

Tinker · 29/05/2007 19:23

I wouldn't go then tbh if teh husband to be had said that.

2boysmacca · 29/05/2007 19:27

Lizcitral, very good point! I have a friend like that and now is mortified how she behaved towards me now that she has a 2 week old. The problem is, no one can understand until they have one of their own!!

cathcart · 29/05/2007 19:28

i had this situation a month or so ago, it was my bf wedding and she said no kids. at the time dd was not quite 3 months and i was bf, dd not taking ebm either. i explained my problem to my bf and it turned out she was worried about dd crying through the ceremony and spoiling it and also me bf in front of everyone .

i respected the fact that it was her day and wasn't (overly!) offended by her, imo silly, concerns but i wouldn't have gone had we not had a compromise in which i arranged for someone to look after dd during the ceremony and arranged the use of a private room in which i could feed dd.

Afterwards my bf kept going on about how good dd had been, but it did make me laugh that she had thought i'd have just let her scream all day and lob my boobs out onto the top table.

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 19:47

I won't offer my advice because it would be rude and would probably lose you your friend! Needless to say, I don't think much of people who have friends with kids yet go ahead and have 'child free' weddings. Hell, why not just go the whole hog and have a people-free wedding you miserable...[edited]

:-)

SenoraPostrophe · 29/05/2007 19:49

I would not go in those circs. leaving a 4 month old baby will be hard work for you and dh.

Sparkletastic · 29/05/2007 19:57

Got put in just this position by a close friend last year - HAD to go as was a bridesmaid. Was a fecking nightmare as was worried sick in the run-up, desperately trying to save expressed feed when DD2 was a total milk monster and didn't exactly leave me with spares, and had to wear a nightmare frock where I was virtually strapped in and had to take whole thing off to express (and chuck down sink - felt sooo wrong) throughout event. Luckily we lived near to venue so MIL was holed up at ours with DD2 giving her expressed feeds but I still had to come home to feed DD2 to sleep mid-eve as she wouldn't settle with just bottle. Then went back to reception in looser fitting dress . She was / is a good friend but I kinda wish I hadn't bothered as was such hassle. She now has a DS and I bet she'd see the baby ban differently now

juuule · 29/05/2007 20:00

I wouldn't go.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 29/05/2007 20:02

I wouldn't go.

It's a lot of money and you won't enjoy yourself. It's a long time for your baby to be without you too.

Isn't your DH invited?

mummytosteven · 29/05/2007 20:03

I wouldn't go. Sounds like far too much hassle and worry re the feeding.

bran · 29/05/2007 20:04

I don't like weddings, they are so tedious, so I would think of a baby as a wonderful excuse not to have to go. DS is nearly 3 but I would still use him as an excuse to skip a wedding. I say send a present and stay home and save yourself some stress.

tribpot · 29/05/2007 20:08

Yup, I had a similar one. Banned from taking ds (who would have been 5 months) on the grounds it was "child-free", except, I might add, for her sister's children who HAD to come as they were bridesmaid/page boy. What a load of arse. I can perfectly understand the no-kids ruling as it affects older children - you've got limited space and it's a choice between inviting your actual friends or the children of one set of friends - but a 4 month old won't exactly be chowing down a main course (you have OF COURSE not started weaning yet ) or taking up a chair.

In my case, the wedding was postponed as the bride-to-be would have been 39 weeks pregnant at the time! Dunno if it's gone ahead subsequently, they were planning to do it the same time the year after (last Dec). I stopped speaking to her after that - and this kind of crap is partly why.

Malaleche · 29/05/2007 20:08

Don't go, she'll understand once she's got kids of her own. FFS what is it with people anyway, do they think babies are f*cking tamagotchis or something? I'm sick of the ignorance towards breastfeeding.

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